Sunday, September 7, 2008

Ho!!! He uttered S, E and X words together !!!


“Son, anyone sitting on this seat?” a man (should be around 65) asked me in the bus while I was traveling from Chandigarh to Delhi.

“No, you may sit here,” I responded and he sat.
Later on I sensed that he was heavily drunk.

To my right was sitting a girl, beautiful, slim and dressed in western. Shy and Conservative (at least the first impression I got), apparent that she wasn’t interested in talking to any of us either.

The bus started and thanks to smoothness of Indian roads, we soon starting getting bounces. The old man was also bouncing. Till bouncing it was fine, but as we were sitting near front door and as he was getting imbalanced also at every jerk, it was making me scary. I couldn’t afford seeing him flying out of the running bus and dying in front of my eyes.

“Sir, would you like to sit in the middle seat?” I offered. I think I had only this way to make him come in the middle, as it was not a good option to tell him that Sir, as you are drunk and out of your senses, you will fly out of bus by bounces any time, so please come in the middle to dodge it!!

“Sure son. In fact, I too wanted to come in the middle!! You took words out of my mouth,” he was getting a bit more formal. I didn’t know that he was having this anxious desire to come in the middle seat and didn’t understand it either even when he came in the middle.

“Uncle, please keep your hand in your seat’s boundary,” the female voice requested humbly after some time.
Uncle, making the excuse of the same imbalance thing reciprocated.

We were out of Chandigarh now, the bus lights had been put off and only small bulbs were remained lit on, and bus was talking to its bosom buddy air now.

“Uncle, please put your head off my shoulder,” the female voice registered her objection again.

“You are like my daughter. This boy is like my son. You are my children,” the bastard said, laughed a cunning smile and reciprocated

Every time after raising her objection, she was staring at me as if asking my assistance by her eye-language.

I and that beautiful girl looked at each other and had our eye contact. Her eyes were of course very beautiful but had that disappointment and sadness . I felt that her eyes were talking to me and were saying something. Like saying that why you sat at the extreme left leaving me fighting with this brutal demon alone!! Her eyes hadn’t the tears, but the way those eyes were talking to me were piercing my heart out.

10 minutes passed and the old man pretended to be sort-of sleeping.
“Uncle, why can’t you keep your feet away,” shouted the female voice of the girl to break the tranquility of the ambience, but went unheard by many as the bus driver was playing some music at full volume.

I saw that the old man had his right feet in between feet of that now-pathetic girl.

“Excuse me,” I talked to that girl for first time.
“Would you mind coming to extreme left,” I asked. This way she would come to extreme left, I in the middle and that drunkard to extreme right.

The happiness in her eyes and her eye-language told me that this was what she wanted. The old man stared at me like an enraged bull but was helpless as probably he had got the feeling by our eye-contact that any word uttered and the bus becoming a smack down and this slur-of-society beaten up by me like anything. But because it could have made others in the bus take entertainment out of that girl, I better chose to refrain beating that savage.

“Thanks,” the girl said after settling at her new place and I nodded.
“Sophia, she said and forwarded her hand for hand-shake
“Ravi,” and we shaked hands

She was happy to come to extreme left but still had trauma of what that old-drunkard was trying to do. The trauma that he was trying to dis-respect a girl who should be definitely his daughter’s age, that how his own daughter would be managing at home and that when will this stop happening!!

“I was thinking to come out of this seat and sit on the stairs of the bus,” she said and I really didn’t know what to respond to that girl.

Sometimes in life we speak a lot and sometimes we get such moments where our silence becomes the best solace for other person, so I chose to opt the 2nd one but she chose to continue and to open her heart out.

“Why can’t we be respected,” she questioned.
“Why can’t we travel alone at night and why can’t we stay alone in apartments” she had utmost pain in her heart.
“When we walk on the road, why we are stared at like we are the prey of these brutal predators? Why they scan our body and what do they think how would we be feeling on seeing them doing this?” she had tears in her eyes and her voice was breaking.

I really didn’t know what to do. I wanted to wipe her tears but sometimes tears help more than sympathy. So I chose to be unsympathetic.

“Ravi, tell me one thing. Why doesn’t it happen abroad, in western countries?” she questioned.

“Probably because they are advanced societies,” I answered.
“Why can’t we be advanced then? What is stopping us? And why we are made to die every day experiencing these traumas?” she questioned.

“Our taboos,” I responded
“And what’s the way to break those taboos,” she queried
“Sex Education,” I thought but didn’t utter. I am an IT guy and not a conservative, but even I faltered on uttering the S,E and X words together.

“Sex Education is the only way,” came the voice.
I agreed to her nodding my head. I was feeling ashamed that I couldn’t say this before she did, but by now I had realized that we still feel shy of intonating S, E and X together

And it wasn’t my fault. We have been brought up like this that the time S, E and X words are uttered by you together, many eyes frown, many surprised making you feel like an alien and many making you feel disgraceful.

“Ho!!! He uttered the S, E and X words together,” one would wonder.
“The SEX did you say??” other would ask

“Would Sex Education serve the purpose? Would these predators stop their misdeeds?” I had a genuine question and I asked Sophia
“At least there will be awareness in society, people will have correct knowledge, children will know what molestation is and activities of these bastards will be restrained,” she said and continued.

“We girls won’t feel shy registering our concerns and raising our voice. The nation will have fewer sick people. Youth will know that bodily changes are due to hormonal changes and will have proper knowledge of all this. But this all can be done only thro’ proper education and honest education. Thence staring at us, probing our bodies and making us feel disrespected will eventually stop automatically. We will be a nation of sensible and healthy-minded people. Automatically we will be advanced” she stopped.

“It was making sense to me, but is it possible in a so-called volte-faced nation like ours? The nation where culture and civilization is talked of but whose society is deteriorating every day. The nation where we still talk of values and ethics, but are amongst most corrupt. The nation where we don’t want to talk sex, but girls are insecure, angry and disappointed at the apathy of governments and society at large?” I had all these thoughts in my mind.

I stared at her, she was looking very vibrant and energetic. Her hands were making movements and her gestures had a tinge of revolution

"I expect our generation to be audacious to give sex education to its posterity.I would render sex education to my children at least so that my daughter won't have to experience that dishonor which I do and my son won't do any such thing which would make daughters of others feel that trauma." sophia replied.

She had the solution, the way by which she could stay alone in her house without her parents worrying about her, the way by which she could travel alone without any panic, the way by which she hasn’t to be at anyone’s mercy or assistance.

Thence came Delhi and we parted.

I am aboard the flight to Bangalore while I am writing this blog. I am envisioning the dream of Sophia’s India. The dream of India with an advanced-society. The society where people have knowledge of sex and the society where Sophias haven’t to make any more pleas to Uncles, and haven’t to stare at any Ravis for assistance.

The shangrila India !!!

38 comments:

Jewelry Designer said...

Indians ought to change their mentality and be more broad minded .Sex education will definitely play an important role here ,though it is tough to say to what extent can the mindsets of Indians be changed.

KK said...

well! sex education can play its part but society needs to be more moderate & more open than closed minds. But Still am not sure if following western culture is the solution . May be when adult couples need not afraid to meet in park or a secluded romantic places , may be when sex is treated as a physical need only, may be when girls can protest freely without any stigma attached, .... at last may be when we believe in LIVE & LET LIVE OTHERS. but mind you it has cons too.

Mayur G said...

nice article..good read..keep writing..india has a long way to go

Shanks said...

India has a long way to go. The problem is the mindset of the people. People are so narrow minded and corrupt, incapable of thinking beyond their own realms.
These so called taboos are preventing us from becoming a great nation. Why the Indians in the US are so successful? These are the serious questions that comes to my mind... what is it that our nation lacks?

Unknown said...

You guys have got it all wrong !!! Sophia was wrong in saying that such kinda molestation doesnt happen in the west. Infact, it happens the most in the west. The max no of molestation at work is in the west. Not in the east. And Ravi, you were totally wrong in saying that "People in west do not molest women because west is advanced" You should hear the lewd comments tht guys pass whn a lady walks. Its much worse than it is here.

And sex education is not going to solve this issue. Tell me, what kind of sex education will transform tht old bugger into respecting women ? He knows EVERYTHING about sex. About sex being a physical necessity, the role of the hormones and the like.
In-fact, sex education wud do the opposite. It will increase the curiousity of teenagers. Mind you, I am not saying that sex education is not necessary. What I am saying is that it cannot solve the problem at hand.

And now for the solution. The only solution that I can think of is to increase the morality of the society at whole ! Change their perception about women. People should realise that women have to be respected. Sexual gratification is not the only service that women give. Our society portrays women as objects of pleasure ! Why do we show half naked women in ads where a girl is not at all necessary. Everywhere women are portrayed as objects of pleasure. Nothing more.

It would also do them a world of good if they dress modestly. Why does a women wear revealing dress ? To attract herself ? To feel confident ? To feel free ? There are ppl who say that its a womens right to choose what she wants to wear. The reason why they say this is because they WANT to see women in skimpy clothes. They dont care a shit about the freedom of women.

Think about it yourself. Is there any difference in the way you look at a properly clothed women and a skimpily clothed women ? When a women wears skimpy clothes, she wants to show off her body to others (Read men) and admire her. That is where she is asking for trouble.

In short, only if you can see your mom, sister or wife in a strange lady can you solve the problem. And the society needs to be uplifted to that level.

Laksh said...

Sophia's India can only be achieved if the morality and conscience of the people around you.Sex education can help to a certain extent but not completely.I believe 30-40% of these crimes are committed by those who are completely aware of sex education.We dont need to start a campaign , we can start by talking about it in our group, our friends and then make it a nation wide concept.And I am sure if we all work towards it with a little dedication and commitment , we will soon see the Sophia's India.

Unknown said...

I do not think the solution you mentioned about the problem at hand is sufficient to eradicate this evil from human society.

Its the moral respect, mentality and conscience that should be widened in every individual to make them look at women with respect and gratitude. In all, India has still a lonnnnggg way to go.......

Rahul said...

Very sad to hear the situation.Seriously need to educate the upcoming gen as said by that girl.A lot needs to be done to have a impact of the same on the current society,peoples thinking should change which is the need at this point of hour.

Unknown said...

A very sad incident..... Its a good thing you helped Sophia.... Sex Education is definetely necessary apart from that if every individual feels that what they are doing today it might happen to their daughter, sister ..... then only this problem will be solved.

Unknown said...

i personally think dat sex education can nt b of gr8 help in reducin such cases of eve-teasing in india since most of d males who indulge in it r illiterate or say nt dat educated......dont quite agree wid sophia on dis.....its d male pysche wich needs 2 b changed...can we do dat?????????nt so sure....

Unknown said...

India has a longer way to go. Imparting sex education is important but making sure that people do not mis-use it to cause even more problems for young females is the most important aspect.

ameetsingh said...

nice article.....looking 4 more of like these.

Shalini Reddy said...

Ravi!
You wrote how a girl feels in public insults like you felt it.
I am touched.... Very touched.....
I appreciate your effort on making India a better place to live in... for You ME and all around us!
Cheers Man!

-Shalini Reddy!

Unknown said...

first of all, brother its nice to see you talking (writing)again. i had this notion of u being cut-off.......

secondly thanks for starting this blog...i m big fan of urs and now i can 'listen' to you.....

Finally i believe that sex education covers only one aspect in this case. Actually its also about empowerment... somebody is troubling you and you start looking for help...this is not the ideal way to solve the problem...What will a boy do if somebody is troubling him ?...why does a girl need to do it in different way ?

Unknown said...

nice article man.... realising sophia's India is surely going to be a herculean task.
But there is one thing that we should not forget... We are the ones who constitute a society.... So if we want to intiate any change, we are the ones who should begin it by changing our conservative mentality and attitude towards sex....

ameetsingh said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ameetsingh said...

well dear it is a nice story. but i wont totally agree over the conclusion drawn. why we people have such a rosy picture abot the countries abroad. These things do prevail there also. No sex education is going to eradicate the LUST inside. Do we behave in the right manner for the rest of the things(other than sex) what we are aware of and been taught since childhood. The answer is big NO. Unless & until people conscience raises no solution to such problems can be found.
No doubt the moral of the story is appreciable & the story is well narrated.

praddy said...

Its all about Prioritization Ravi. We, in India, have some urgent and important tasks to perform, solidify out economic strength first before focusing on overall culture of mass psyche.
Sophia, was a poor victim of mis happening in society but I expect urge govt to imporove upon those roads where you were travelling then include sex education in system.

Angad Singh said...

huld b printed in samna.......

Ravi said...

Nice article, well thought and put it into words. Indian mindsets need some time to actually digest this and do it in practice.

Savyasachi said...

I got to see a poll done in US. The poll said not a single girl is there who hasn't heard comments or not got molested. Specially in subways, they often face molestation.
We have always been too quick to adopt western culture without thinking even once of our richness. It is west, whose families are sending their elder members to India because they cannot keep them in their homes and in India(not other countries) they can get good care in return of money, as Indians respect elders.

Go 50 years back, when we were economically underdeveloped. Have you heard or read of incidences of molestations? They might have occured, but not as is now. People used to think these as sins.
I have seen in small villages, young boys carrying CDs of Blue Films. Where these all started?
Control your media and internet.And if you know how these aphrodisiac scenes affects ones mind, teach people to whatever extent possible to you about the harmful effects, which is more mentally. Strict rules should be passed for these. Save your culture, and there will be very less problems.

Savyasachi said...

Now I will be called conservative.

dirt2dust said...

@ S, E and X Post

Honestly, I didn't like your SEX post, not that the message wasn’t profound i.e, loud and clear.
It's just that the story that led to it was dismay, an encounter of 2 souls and a drunk...who just connect...the reasons that lead to the argument seem scripted and even it was could have been well made

Monica said...

good article, i really think it is important to be exposed to reality rather dismiss it

Scoobie said...

Nice article... Sex education is a must... The mind set of some , especially elderly people towards a woman must change.

Unknown said...

well, I have lived in chandigarh for a good no of years.... and the rounds are better than the best in india. Anyways, there is no doubting the hypocrisy in India.

Unknown said...

Since u have asked to be honest in r comments, i do not completely agree with ur post , firstly to c the change u want to u need to be the change by this i mean tht had tht girl taken control of the situation instead of complaning, instead of u askin her to shift she could have herself asked u to shift in middle, sex education culd be one of the way to deal with it but then its a long process...each one has to take control of the situation then n there instaed of blaming wht shud be done...y not do it

wangshu said...

I don't think sex education well prevent sexual harassment, no matter it's east or west country. In america it's also dangerous for girls walking along at night. the order of society is the key I think

siphar said...

First of all its wrong to feel or say that this doesn't happen in west.What we can say that its not as rampant but still it happens everywhere in world.
An I personally feel that sex education is not the solution . If it had been then why it happens in west where sex education is imparted.The real reaon is the hypocrisy and corruption which is undoubtedly too much here.
India being invaded and ruled over by different rulers for over 700 years has resulted in to this morally confused and hypocrite society.
We desperately need to introduce "Moral Education" as a compulsory subject from KG till whatever level you want to study.
It should be made the ost important subject in academics.
Then only we can dream of a ethically strong India.

H_Raja79 said...

Hi Ravi –

Very nice post and very touching. However, I would disagree that this does not happen in the west. Creeps are in every part of the world in some parts of the worlds it happends more than the other parts. I am not really sure how much sex education will help in matters like this.

Sex education can not stop or help these perverts. There got to be something else.

H_Raja79

Unknown said...

Sex education is fine. But it requires creating civil sense. India has real problem of this molestors. My US friend had really bad experience in rajasthan. Her wife was molested by drunkard. When he caught that guy and handed him to police station near by, police said there is no need to register case and 2-3 slaps will do the job.

Parag said...

hey ravi,
agree with you that sex education is the only thing that can repair out corrupt mentality. we indians really need to widen our views instead of just boasting our abt our social values, culture,history, etc.

Sonu said...

I am bit disagree with tag of backwardness. I feel any society gradually matures. What happened in India was a sudden expose to west culture. we were the people who used to sex talks behind the sheet till early 90s and then suddenly got exposure to a new world with introduction of private TV channels with majority of western movies and culture. We were surprised and it took long to digest this way of life. Now mindset is changing and so as us.

You can find ill minded people everywhere in world and not only India.

With whom Ravi encountered that night and many of us founds daily are few of these sick peoples and whole Indian society should not be blamed for ...

Unknown said...

India need to move forward from these kind of incidences like girls molestation etc...
But in my view SEX education is not the only solution for this problem.
What you wrote in the blog is very common problem in India.

Unknown said...

We must not forget we r still very conservative society....We r not advanced...

RB said...

Being a girl, even i have faced this many a times..if living in a small city the traumas are all the more..High time India has 2 change its mentality now..

habin haridas said...

ravi, what about britneys 16 year old sister getting pregnent, is it lack of s, e & x education (lol).

and with the popularity of movies like "JUNO"

teen pregnency is only getting popular (Damn sex can be good and bad, its only natural, no amount of education ca help, after all its only HUMAN)

Unknown said...

Ravi, i don't think so S,E & X education would resolve the hidden issues.
I too travel in the night,
i've also faced same issue when i was going to hometown.After that i learnt,your care is in your hand no one will come to save to you.
Should wear a decent cloths in which you should feel comfortable & others too.
If we're taking about the Western cloths & their education,did you see some one who doesn't belong to india and comes in india,for her/his work.I hardly seen any one who wear unhealthy cloths.even they guys do respect our indian culture & they do love our indian cloths.
Dude,it's not matter of western/indian cloths,Not S,E&X eduction .

What i felt,we should think about the eduction.I every day see many poor children,women even their spouse just ask for 1 rupees.once upon a time i thought i should give them some suggestion about the eduction how a good eduction can resolve their problem?but after that i was feeling my self culprit.I could not bear what kind of words they were using.OOh GOD.
We're living in india 21 century,there still many people never want to grow.
Maid,This word!!!do you think they could wear western dress,backless something..no never. but still they're not safe in Rich people house.
So,Dude give them proper eduction so that after taken a good eduction,should not work in rich people house& should not sleep on the open road.
I tried to do so,but i,ve been failed dude.
But Ravi,You did the excellent job.I do appreciate.