Metamorphosis!!!!!

So came the much awaited weekend, they call it TGIF (Thank God, it’s Friday!). There was no lecture today, so it was kinda relaxed day. On top of that, if Friday morning at Hyderabad treats you with clouds, cool breeze, and dark sky, it’s like heavens down on the earth!

By the time day had started peaking in towards noon, it was getting even darker. It started with drizzle and quickly had started raining heavily! Scorching land of Hyderabad was spreading romantic aroma of wet soil all around. Fragrance of this soil was making me romantic enough and there couldn’t be a better timing to take my most expensive brand White Horse Scotch Whisky out on this very welcome Friday noon when someone knocked at my door! Who the hell could knock when it’s helluva torrent outside!

I opened the door to find a little child, must be around 8 years old peeping in, little nervous and very shy. And all he could do on seeing me was to bow and join both his hands in respect. And before I could even ask his identity, I saw his mom, the maid who cooks my food behind him.

Man, I could sacrifice my date with even the hottest chick in the campus in this violent downpour, and here’s this lady, who came all the way in this rain to cook my food and clean my utensils. Jesus!

“Come on Lakshmi Aunty, you didn’t have to come in this weather!” I admonished her. And on top of that, she had brought her son alongwith!

“And even if you had to come, then why with him?? What if he falls sick or gets fever? Who would be responsible for loss of his study???” Either it was White Horses running in my brain after having 2 patiala pegs or what, but I was damn serious and concerned about that kid. Probably because he was the only one who had bowed and joined hands to me in my entire lifetime…….and that’s what was making him special for me 

Lakshmi Aunty gave back no response but put her head down as if wanting to say something but keeping within her heart. And I, not bothering much this time, headed to have my 3rd Patiala peg. White Horse Scotch is hotter than hottest chicks in cold weathers!

“What’s your name dude?” I asked the child in damn accented English as if speed networking with some batch mate.

And all I got in return was his usual head down with both hands clubbed.
“Which class you study in?” I asked having another sip of White Horse. Times Now was showing Breaking News on television that all charges against Tamil actress Khushboo for her pre-marital comments have been quashed.

He didn’t respond back.

“Ok, don’t tell me your class, tell me which school you go to?” I wanted to be friends with him but he didn’t’ respond to this too.

I put my hand on his chin to put his head up and to my wonder, I saw little tears in those eyes……they were like those small beautiful dew drops we see on flowers or wet grass…..but they weren’t looking any beautiful coming out of eyes of this lovely kid 

His Mom (Lakshmi Aunty) kept watching while cooking chapatti on the cooking gas as if she was aware that his tears were anyways imminent at my questions. Her indifference to come forward to solace her son surprised me though but it looked like this wasn’t the first time she was facing this situation, so she apathetically kept changing sides of my chapatti while I was standing having my one hand on his chin and other hand carrying White Horse Scotch!

I immediately put my scotch somewhere away on the ground for this kid. This doesn’t happen very often that I care for someone else more than my scotch, but I wanted know what this is all about.

“What’s your name son?” I asked. My hands were automatically up wiping his tears with my palms.

“Anand,” a very sweet rhythmic voice answered. His hiccups were still on and his tears had started flowing on his cheeks now.

“Why are you crying beta?” I asked. I am sure he could figure out by now that I was a nice guy and was expressing my affection towards him.

“Won’t you tell your Uncle??” damn I was feeling so old calling myself Uncle, but what to do, this is bitter chronology that you become Uncle from Bhaiya with passage of time!

“I want to go to school….I want to study like you Uncle……Mumma tells me that all Uncles who study in this school become very big people……they get this much money,” anand told joyously expanding both his hands. “I will also earn this much money…..then my mumma won’t have to come far here in this rain to wash your utensils and cook your food…..Then she would cook for onlyyyyyyyyy meeeeee” Anand told innocently emphasizing on only and me. He was having a little smile on his face while saying this.

Anand had finished what all he had to say, but had put across me a very big open-ended question whose answer I had to explore now…..White Horse scotch kick had faded away in moments…..and whatever left was again those dew drops….only characters had changed…..Before I could realize, I had those moist eyes….Damn! there were tears in my eyes.

“Lakshmi aunty, why don’t you send Anand to school?” I scolded lakshmi aunty as if I had some right on Anand.

“Sir, I have got occupation in only your house. You 3 eat food cooked by my hands, 4th sir eats out in the cafeteria, and thus I earn 1800 rupees here. 3 other Sirs have given their laundry service to me, which earns me another 600 rupees. It’s very tough to sustain house for entire 1 month with mere 2400 rupees Sir,” Lakshmi revealed what I had never thought, and had ignorantly pierced heart of an innocent
child.

What I later found was that Lakshmi Aunty had 2 daughters and a son Anand with Anand being the oldest. Her husband is a laborer who earns 100 rupees a day. The combined income of the couple is approximately 5400 per month; hence they can’t afford the schooling of their kids in a big metropolis like Hyderabad. Ignorant of these realities, when Anand sees other children of his age going to school, he gets immensely hurt and sometimes his sorrows come out in the shape of tears. And every time his parents allure him with the promise of getting him a toy car which they never bring overburdened by their house rents and other daily expenses!

That’s why Lakshmi aunty was feeding me home-cooked food like to her son Anand, and who had this utmost need of money: to send her son to school, to make his dream of becoming a big man one day a reality so that his mom won’t have to come this far everyday to clean utensils and cook food for some unknown strangers just for the sake of money…..

Lakshmi aunty and Anand had left, but now I knew what I had to do. Anand had shown me the direction and I just had to implement like a trained manager (so called business-leader of future).

“Dude, was a great session,” my 4th flatmate Anuj told me as soon as he entered the flat from the same door where Anand was peeping some few hours ago.

“What was it about?” I asked without even looking at him as I was busy watching Times Now which was still showing news of Khushboo. Probably Khushboo hadn’t got as much airtime in her entire lifetime on national news channel as she had got today.

“It was a session on Social Entrepreneurship. Alums had come to speak about initiatives we can take to create social entrepreneurship opportunities…..We would start a mass movement on ground……and change the entire society and entire system,”

Anuj had enthusiasm in his voice.

“Then why not start from your own self dude?” I counter-questioned, and he, quite confused, stared at me.

“Dude, you talking about all these big big social entrepreneurial movements, the conclaves, the business competition ideas and God knows, what all else!!!...to bring change in the society and the system! Then why not start from your own self?” I knew what I was up to.

“What are you talking about? I am contesting for the president of this professional club to bring about social change in the societal strata of our system man.” Now, this is what people do. You tell them something blunt on their face, and they start coming out with their typical jargons to sound authentic, but this wasn’t gonna work today! Anand’s influence (and probably White horse) was still on!!

“You pay 6000 odd bucks for your meals at the cafeteria just for sake of little extra convenience! Why can’t you have your meals at the apartment paying those mere 600 bucks to Lakshmi Aunty??? It would just mean coming out little bit out of your comfort zone…..coz you would have to come back to your flat for your meals rather than in the campus. And it’s way cheap also dude!!” don’t know why but I just wanted to convince this guy. Those 600 bucks would mean a lot for Lakshmi Aunty and yes, for Anand also….

“Anuj, we all are future business leaders (big people in Anand’s words), we would create thousands of jobs in the industry once we go out of this institute. But why wait till then??? Can’t we make this unsaid rule in this campus today that we all would generate income for these maids giving them employment so that their children could study well????” damn I was being too theoretical (in business terminology), but guessed it was worth it!

“Anuj, if we have to start social entrepreneurship, then we have to start it right here…..right now……right in this campus….right with these maids for their children and families,” was my last ditch appeal.

“I will get back to you on this ,” Anuj said and left the room….Probably he wanted to contemplate on this or probably he wasn’t willing to get out of his comfort-zone…..

Anuj left the room, not sure when he will get back to me on this, or whether he would get back on this at all……Lakshmi Aunty must be busy finding work in some other blocks….while I was back on my statistics assignment, and every time sitting on my statistics assignment, one question was teasing me again and again:


Would Anand ever get to go to school...

Sneaking into a b-school (Part-2)

“Today would walk you through the most important application of business statistics,” stats prof stared at me and announced in the class. As he was gazing at me, I had no choice but to nod, which I did like an ideal minion. Don’t know why this guy keeps staring at me every 5 minutes when there are so many hot chicks in the class!

“Probability!!!” prof excitingly shrieked as if he was revealing name of some newly released movie of Pamela Anderson.

“Probability is not a science, it’s an art….an art of science.” Prof told again gazing at me and got my inaugurating 20 second yawn in return. Gosh, why can’t these yawns wait! Girls were busy jotting down this doctrine of probability being an art of science in their notes. Girl sitting next to me had finished half her newly purchased notebook by the end of this lecture.

“Probability is the most significant tool to figure out which hospital patient to be taken to in emergencies.” And prof came up with some weird figure like this:



“Probability calculates the Area of Survival for the patient. If patient lies somewhere in this red area, patient could survive,” Prof promulgated.
Now this is cool! Patient is dying of severe cardiac arrest and needs emergency support, but rather than taking him to hospital immediately, all you have to do is take a plain paper and pen to draw this kinda weird probability curve to figure out whether it’s worth wasting Petrol of your car to take patient to hospital or let him die peacefully at home only.

I wish I could understand this probability concept to figure out whether should propose Tuple (or Toopli or Toopla or God knows what) to marry me drawing our love curve on X-Y axis 

Girl next to me was busy drawing this figure in her notebook when I saw Tuple sitting in my opposite row, butterfly clip in her hair…not sure to tie her hair or symbolize her membership of butterfly club. Discussion about probability in the class ended with my last 20 seconds yawn!
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“Hey cool! We are in same section!!!,” I euphorically told Tuple when met her outside after Probability class.

She looked me top to bottom as if saying what’s so cool in this.

“Coffee?” I tried carrying the conversation on.

“Oh thanks, but sorry actually!! I gotta go, we planning tonight’s bollywood party!! Why don’t we meet there tonight,” she said and left even before I could say yes or no. Who cares to know my answer!
******************************************************************

“Hiiii,” I somehow made my way out of 20 odd standing people to reach Tuple to say her Hi.

“Oh Hi! What’s your name?” Tuple responded, which was cold enough to moist my eyes. Damn, she doesn’t even know my name. Ok guys, point taken that I don’t know whether to call her Toopla or Toopli or Toopl, but at least I know she is one of these.

“You can call me Anand.”

“Hot name!!” tuple gave me the compliment. I wish I could also say she’s hot.
“Anand, do you drink?” tuple asked me outright.

“I……I……Yes……I mean Yes I do,” I said when simple answer was “I don’t”. Man, I had never ever touched damn beer in my life and here’s I had this kingfisher superstrong in my hand.

“What do you like-beer or wine?” Tuple asked. At least she was talking to me.
“Hahaa…..you kidding me!! Beer….Hahaa…Wine….Hahaa……give me some whisky ya!!” don’t know what made me utter this out….Looked like kingfisher superstrong in my hand was showing its magic.

“Wow!!” Tuple appreciated me for first time in my/her lifetime. “That’s like a man!” she overpraised and put her hand on my wrist.

“Beer..Veer and Rum..Vum are all girly drinks…..not for men….Give us something real yaar…..some neat vodka….some tequila….some hardcore whisky yaar,” I was hitting fours and sixers all over this bollywood party. 15 seconds, her hand was still on my wrist. God, halt this time, stop the wind, stop the directions, stop the damn solar system.

“Last time I had beer when I was some 14-15 years ya….but then I quit it….now only whisky!!” I was being a full-swing braggart now. 30 seconds, her hand is still on my wrist!

“Here you go!!” same guy who had hugged my Tuple the other day brought the full bottle of blended scotch whiskey “White Horse”. I wish I had realized while hitting those fours and sixers that damn whiskey would come in reality right here…inside this lounge….in this bollywood party.

“It’s blended whiskey…..much much better than those single malts….hope you like it,” that guy told taking kingfisher off my hands. Bastard had also removed Tuple’s hand off my wrist.

And before I could think of yet another excuse of not inhaling White Horse, I had this super strong Patiala Peg of White Horse in my hands. And before I could realize, I had gutted in entire glass in one shot.

Tuple looked at me in utmost surprise, her hand back on my wrist again.

Second Patiala Peg!

Third Patiala Peg!

Fourth Patiala Peg! All gutted in one shots.

“Anand…Anand….Anand…..” girls had surrounded me all around……..If it weren’t a

party, I would have doubted my gangrape.

“Bring more……..what will happen with damn only 4 pegs,” I shouted.

Fifth peg!

“hic. Tuple, why is there butterfly in your hair?” I asked.

“Funny! This is not butterfly! This is a clip…butterfly clip to keep my hair tied,” Tuple answered.

“But why is this butterfly flying. hic?” I questioned. Guess White horse had started somersaulting inside my body.

“Flying!!!” Tuple wondered.

“Why are you revolving round and round,” I again questioned.

“Revolving!!” Tuple in utmost surprise.

“Why is sky coming down?? hic”

“Why am I standing on my head?”

“Why are you throwing me from the mountain Toopli?” Gosh I pronounced her Toopli.

10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1….there was a big sound on the ground….and my nose was touching the dance floor.

DJ started playing “I have become Comfortably Numb” by Pink Floyd in the background….
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“Take the sample and infer about the population,” Stats class gave the sermon. Tuple and me were sitting in the same class, on top of that I had got to know we both are in same study group. God, how would I face her after that knock-down on the floor last night!!

“Anand, give me an example of sample,” Prof hinted at me when I was in my own Alice-the-wonderland cursing White Horse scotch. Why this guy has to prod me every 5 minutes.

“Me…..me…..I……Sir…..Prof……,” say something more than that, I requested me. And every time I was opening my mouth, Prof was shaking his head speedily in optimism that at least this time something useful would come out of my mouth, but all I was uttering out was this Me, me, I, Sir, and Prof!

“Marriage?” immediately came out of my mouth.

“Hell with you”, looked like Prof said in his mouth.

“What!!! Marriage, did you say???” Prof wondered, his upper jaw at the uppermost peak, lower jaw at the lowest trough. If I had the mean of his mouth, I could easily figure out that Standard Deviation of his mouth had increased because his jaws had separated the most!

Everyone in the class stared at me. 30 hands were already up by now to negate me. Tuple (or Toople or Toopla or God knows what) looked at me ad nauseam as if wondering why the hell she put her hand on my wrist for 30 continuous seconds the last night.

“Can you explain it please Mr. Anand,” Prof almost urged me. He also wanted to know the real time application of this sample and population!

“Sir, before we marry a girl, we get to meet her only once or twice in an arranged marriage. So, this is our sample ‘S’. And based on this sample meetings ‘S’, we infer whether she would be a good wife for life or not, which is our population ‘P’ ”, I revealed the thesis for which at least I thought I should be awarded PhD in Statistics.

30 hands were up again, while Tuple (or Toople or Toopla or God knows what) was cursing her fate being in my study group. I wanted ask her who brought me room after my yesterday’s rendezvous with ground at dance floor.
******************************************

“Do participate in my class, it contains 30%,” Prof winked and kick-started our Mergers & Acquisitions class.

“So M&A is the crux of business expansion,” Prof had just said and 30 hands were up in the air.

Prof looked all around surprised, bewildered, and confused.

“What the hell!!!” he gestured like saying and allowed one student to ask the question.

“Sir, is M&A the best way of business expansion?” someone somehow framed a question and looked at the academic assistant as if saying “Dude, note down my name. I have already asked one!!” when assistant gave him a damn refuting look!

“M&A is the industry standard adopted for business expansion,” one answered and looked at academic assistant…and on getting the positive silent nod from the assistant, sat back complacently.

“M&A is risky for business expansion,” second one answered and stealthily looked at the assistant. Who cares look at the Professor! Assistant ignored him to look in the other direction. “I will try again,” second one promised to himself.

“M&A demands knowledge of culture, politics, economy of the company we are acquiring,” third one attempted and ditto, looks at the assistant but to no avail!

30 hands are still up. When someone starts speaking, these hands go down, and as soon as he finishes, these hands go up again, until academic assistant gives them a complacent look suggesting their names have been noted down in today’s ledger book, so they can walkout now. And this cycle continues

Finally Prof interrupted the class, and started his lecture on M&A which he had crammed the previous night. Pop M&A XXXI was in motion delivering his sermon!

“Stephanie Mcmohan is hot. But why the hell she married Triple H, when that bastard beats up her brother Shane and father Vince Mcmohan every Thursday night in smack down. Curt Angle is cool and he loves Stephanie Mcmohan, then why the hell she doesn’t give much room to Curt?” What am I thinking man…M&A lecture is on and is that all I have to think!! I was wondering……Focus Anand focus.

“What if I graduate in Dean’s list?” I was back in my dreamland, “Mckinsey!!! BCG!!! Big bungalow, BMW car (No no, I won’t buy BMW…I would buy Pajero…I know it’s not as lavish as BMW, but I like Pajero, I was talking to myself), swimming pool in my bungalow, beautiful wife (ok, she can have this BMW if she wants but I won’t let her touch my Pajero), automatic revolver, hot girlfriend….Girlfriend!!!! My thoughts had come to a halt.

“If I make a girlfriend, who would I go out for movie with??” I thought.

“Mergers & Acquisitions, as they say, reflect the zeal and vigor of aspirations of leaders of the industry. Now Anand would tell me who is a good business leader-one going for M&A or the one without it,” Prof told the class, when I was in my own thoughts.

“I can’t go with my girlfriend for movies over the weekend, so over the weekend I would go with my wife, and during weekdays, can go for late night shows with my girlfriend,” I was busy.

“Anand, tell us who would you consider a better business leader??” Prof repeated, and person sitting next to be elbowed me.

“Tell me Anand,” Prof shouted………..

“Sir, over the weekend with wife and over the weekdays with hot girlfriend for late night movies…this way my wife won’t doubt me,” I uttered out in single breath.What the fuck did I just utter out in middle of the class Man!!

Tuple stared at me from under her butterfly clip and the Prof from under his high powered specs, and entire class was damn numb!

10 seconds of complete silence in class……Prof’s mouth’s standard deviation as equal to the Stats Prof’s mouth’s Standard deviation of yesterday…

“That’s not merger….That’s only acquisitions,” Prof guffawed and then entire class guffawed, then Tuple guffawed.........and then last, poor me guffawed!

Lecture finished and Tuple (or Toopla or Toopli or God knows what) gave me a young-angry-woman look and left for her student village.

I wish I could tell Tuple that I love her more than anyone else has ever loved, is loving, or would ever love anyone!