“Want to join in for Golkunda this evening?” I asked Tuple (or Toopl or Toopli or Tapli or God knows what) outside cafeteria as soon as we met after the final exams ended. Even today I don’t know how to pronounce her name!
“Would it be a buffet or A la carte?” goddess of general knowledge asked combing her silky hair with her hands. If Tuple were not in this school, she would be playing daughter role in Clinic Plus shampoo ad! Her butterfly clip was keeping her hair tight in otherwise windy weather.
“A whaat?” if I were a heart patient, surprise (or shock, I should say) of this reply would have finished my inventory on earth and sent me to finished goods (funeral to say!)
“And would I find vegetarian food there?” Tuple was at the best of her forms.
I think there’s some connection between her butterfly clip and her IQ levels.
“Tuple, Golkunda is not a restaurant, it’s a fort, a historical fort,” I furiously replied.
Tuple gave me an angry-look as if I had asked her real age, said No to Golkunda offer brutally, and went off the scene…
********************************************************
“you shout a word here and person standing even 360 stairs up at height of 450 feet can hear your word,” guide enthusiastically narrated as if he himself was the architect of this Golkunda that he is so proud of!
“Sir, you stand here, one of my persons at 450 feet high would hear you and tell me on mobile what you said,” guide was high after two quarters.
“Toopli,” I said the first word
“Tapli,” second
“Tapoli,” third
“Tapeli,” fourth
“Toople,” fifth
I was kind of taking revenge from Tuple for not accompanying me for Golkunda by shrieking every single permutation of her name.
“Teepli,” sixth…I was feeling so happy!
Guide gave me a strange look seeing me screaming these strange names, like wondering whether I am a real tourist or an evader from some special kind of hospital where everyone thinks he is either Akbar or Tansen or Tuglak or Obama!!!
“Tell me what sir is saying,” confused guide called his person standing 450 feet high. Guide was sweating and kick of his two quarters had eloped!
“Abey, kahaan se pakad ke layaa hai iss pagal ko,” person standing on some isolated hill at 450 feet height screamed at my guide. I could listen to it through speaker of my guide’s mobile.
“Go to hell,” person shouted at my guide and disconnected the phone.
Guide gave me the same strange look again and ran away from me at fastest speed he could.
I shouted Toopli Toopli Toopli three more times and came back from Golkunda Fort!
***********************************************************************
“Hey, how was your Golkunda Fort,” Tuple asked emphasizing on “Fort” when met me at late-night beer party.
“It was good…. Yes, it was good…very good,” I said remembering the guide who ran away scared of me!!!
“Hey, my roommate told me you say something there at ground and people can listen to it even far away at huge height. Did you try that??” Tuple asked me.
“I….try…Did I try….no…I mean yes…” was my response. I was sweating on this windy chilled weather.
“What did you say?” Tuple asked me. Same mode-her hand on my arm and she jumping while asking the question!
“I…I…I said…..I said...I said-Andaman…Andaman…I said Andaman,” I was huffing and puffing. Why the hell is this question so important that what I screamed there!!!
Tuple gave a weird look, hand off my arm and she went off the scene…
Before she left, I wish I could free her hair off her butterfly clip to let them fly around like ocean waves in all directions possible in this very romantic late evening. Evenings are anyways romantic when Tuple’s around!!!
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Story by Clock of one of our Lecture Halls
I am the most crucial and most loved (most hated at times) item of your lecture hall. Many of you look at me in a 2 hour lecture more than you do to your girlfriend in 2 weeks or even 2 months. I am the bane of lives of many of you during the lectures; I am the clock of your class.
Let me walk you through my observations in a typical 2 hour morning class in my lecture Hall:
As soon as its 8:05 or 8:10am, one gloomy faced person enters the scene (read lecture hall). His gloomy face indicates as if his family doctor has advised him against laughing and like he hasn’t kind of laughed for decades.
Lecture Hall is empty and first interaction he does is with me, giving me one of his typical melancholic looks waiting for me to hit 8:15 so that students join in the class.
I smirk at his hope well aware nothing is gonna happen at 8:15!!!
I hit 8:15 and few guys start settling in. These are the most obedient, compliant and dutiful pupil of the school. I call them Confucius (great scholars). These pupils are like they have never done anything wrong in their lives. They sleep in time, get up at fixed time, and sleep standard number of hours. Damn, they don’t even need me (alarm clock) to get up in the morning! They take bang 7 minutes for breakfast, 9 minutes for lunch and 8.5 minutes for dinner.
Everything is just perfect with them-Their heart beats exactly 72 times a minute, eat just right number of calories, and drink tea/coffee in standard 1.5 minutes. Their hair are doped with two palms mustard oil, every single hair at the right place, powered spectacles, all notes of previous lectures in their bag et al. Their bulky bags suggest they have kind of packed every single book/notebook from their rooms before coming to this lecture hall!
The gloomy-faced gives me yet another melancholic look seeing damn 10 students in the class of 70. I feel like guffawing, but his somber face stops me!
I hit 8:20, these Confucius have taken their hand outs for the day and finished half of the slides.
Gloomy person stares at me and gives a dirty “angry-man” look, like he would just jump down from this 2nd floor. Its 8:23 and now the Normal pupils start accumulating in the lecture hall. I call them Confused (normal human beings).
There’s a stark contrast between these Confucius and Confused.
Confused have like kind of determined congenitally that they won’t give me a damn. They never sleep in time and can’t even imagine waking up for morning lecture without me. And then keep begging me for every extra 5 minutes of sleep. I feel like not ringing for them after those 5 minutes, but reminiscing soap-operas of gloomy-faced for coming late in the lecture hall; I somehow wake them up to send them to the lecture hall.
Soap Opera king, our gloomy-faced, now opens his blazer, which only he knows why he was wearing at first place, to start his lecture! He starts his lecture and so start these Confused- glancing at me surreptitiously every minute waiting for lecture to be over! God, these Confused could wait at least few minutes.
“I won’t tolerate any indiscipline in the class. I won’t allow anyone to come late in the class. I won’t let anyone coming late sit in for the class quiz. I won’t give CP marks to those arriving late in the class. I won’t do this. I won’t do that. I won’t do these. I won’t do those…,” gloomy-faced goes on and on and on. I curse myself for these admonishings to Confused by this melancholic. I wish I could come down the wall and stuff his hanging tie in his mouth.
I look at one guy sitting just under me, 5 minutes through the lecture and he takes his first 35 second yawn, then starts the second guy, and then the third. Yawn is very contagious! Two guys at the end of row have already eloped in their nap. Who cares to listen to this daily sulking of the Prof!
“Optimization, by definition, is solving problems which seek to maximize or minimize real or virtual functions by systematically choosing real or integer variables from within allowed sets to formulate scalar real-valued objective functions, then formulating linear programming using solver complying with optimization theory and techniques is Optimization. A very powerful and efficient tool to do optimization,” gloomy-faced gave this sermon, like was kind of taking revenge from Confused for coming late.
Most Confused have eloped into their naps, rest were just glancing at me surreptitiously, like begging me to run fast. Gloomy-faced, on the other hand, was smirking devilishly knowing I was helpless. I wish I could just hit 10:15 directly from 8:25.
Its 10:15 now, struggle of Confused for this lecture is over, they are walking to achieve yet another “Mission impossible” starting at 10:45, while I am to face the same situation half an hour down the line with other Confucius and Confused groups. I feel like free-riding from my duty, I don’t want to witness those 2 hour traumas of my friends-these Confused. I don’t want to be the clock. I don’t want to be the clock!
Let me walk you through my observations in a typical 2 hour morning class in my lecture Hall:
As soon as its 8:05 or 8:10am, one gloomy faced person enters the scene (read lecture hall). His gloomy face indicates as if his family doctor has advised him against laughing and like he hasn’t kind of laughed for decades.
Lecture Hall is empty and first interaction he does is with me, giving me one of his typical melancholic looks waiting for me to hit 8:15 so that students join in the class.
I smirk at his hope well aware nothing is gonna happen at 8:15!!!
I hit 8:15 and few guys start settling in. These are the most obedient, compliant and dutiful pupil of the school. I call them Confucius (great scholars). These pupils are like they have never done anything wrong in their lives. They sleep in time, get up at fixed time, and sleep standard number of hours. Damn, they don’t even need me (alarm clock) to get up in the morning! They take bang 7 minutes for breakfast, 9 minutes for lunch and 8.5 minutes for dinner.
Everything is just perfect with them-Their heart beats exactly 72 times a minute, eat just right number of calories, and drink tea/coffee in standard 1.5 minutes. Their hair are doped with two palms mustard oil, every single hair at the right place, powered spectacles, all notes of previous lectures in their bag et al. Their bulky bags suggest they have kind of packed every single book/notebook from their rooms before coming to this lecture hall!
The gloomy-faced gives me yet another melancholic look seeing damn 10 students in the class of 70. I feel like guffawing, but his somber face stops me!
I hit 8:20, these Confucius have taken their hand outs for the day and finished half of the slides.
Gloomy person stares at me and gives a dirty “angry-man” look, like he would just jump down from this 2nd floor. Its 8:23 and now the Normal pupils start accumulating in the lecture hall. I call them Confused (normal human beings).
There’s a stark contrast between these Confucius and Confused.
Confused have like kind of determined congenitally that they won’t give me a damn. They never sleep in time and can’t even imagine waking up for morning lecture without me. And then keep begging me for every extra 5 minutes of sleep. I feel like not ringing for them after those 5 minutes, but reminiscing soap-operas of gloomy-faced for coming late in the lecture hall; I somehow wake them up to send them to the lecture hall.
Soap Opera king, our gloomy-faced, now opens his blazer, which only he knows why he was wearing at first place, to start his lecture! He starts his lecture and so start these Confused- glancing at me surreptitiously every minute waiting for lecture to be over! God, these Confused could wait at least few minutes.
“I won’t tolerate any indiscipline in the class. I won’t allow anyone to come late in the class. I won’t let anyone coming late sit in for the class quiz. I won’t give CP marks to those arriving late in the class. I won’t do this. I won’t do that. I won’t do these. I won’t do those…,” gloomy-faced goes on and on and on. I curse myself for these admonishings to Confused by this melancholic. I wish I could come down the wall and stuff his hanging tie in his mouth.
I look at one guy sitting just under me, 5 minutes through the lecture and he takes his first 35 second yawn, then starts the second guy, and then the third. Yawn is very contagious! Two guys at the end of row have already eloped in their nap. Who cares to listen to this daily sulking of the Prof!
“Optimization, by definition, is solving problems which seek to maximize or minimize real or virtual functions by systematically choosing real or integer variables from within allowed sets to formulate scalar real-valued objective functions, then formulating linear programming using solver complying with optimization theory and techniques is Optimization. A very powerful and efficient tool to do optimization,” gloomy-faced gave this sermon, like was kind of taking revenge from Confused for coming late.
Most Confused have eloped into their naps, rest were just glancing at me surreptitiously, like begging me to run fast. Gloomy-faced, on the other hand, was smirking devilishly knowing I was helpless. I wish I could just hit 10:15 directly from 8:25.
Its 10:15 now, struggle of Confused for this lecture is over, they are walking to achieve yet another “Mission impossible” starting at 10:45, while I am to face the same situation half an hour down the line with other Confucius and Confused groups. I feel like free-riding from my duty, I don’t want to witness those 2 hour traumas of my friends-these Confused. I don’t want to be the clock. I don’t want to be the clock!
Monday, July 19, 2010
Bobby (1973) Review
Released in November 1973.
Starcast: Rishi Kapoor, Dimple Kapadia, Pran, Premnath, Prem Chopra (guest role)
Producer and Director: Raj Kapoor
Distributed by: R.K. Studios
Rishi Kapoor: 2nd movie in 1973, after 1st movie (played Young Raju role) Mera Naam Joker in 1970. Mera Naam Joker had adolescent Raju infatuated with his teacher Mary (played by Simi Grewal). Mera Naam Joker flopped but audience (esp young crowd) remembered Young Raju (Rishi Kapoor)…and then in 1973, in Bobby, he came up Solo, thus a chocolate face amongst youngsters of 70s whom they could connect with.
Raj Kapoor as Director: Had directed Aag (1948), Barsaat (1949), Awaara (1951), Shree 420 (1955), Sangam (1964), Mera Naam Joker (1970)…Thus a very covetous and formidable name as a Director. Bobby was kind of platform for Raj Kapoor to launch his Son Rishi Kapoor, thus movie had got huge publicity beforehand.
Dimple Kapadia: She was 16 when Raj Kapoor discovered her for his movie Bobby. This was Dimple Kapadia’s first movie, but an interesting fact that Dimple Kapadia married heartthrob Rajesh Khanna on 27th March, 1973, 6 months before release of Bobby movie. Thus Dimple Kapadia was very much in news.
This was Dimple Kapadia’s first movie after her marriage with none other than Rajesh Khanna, 2nd movie and 1st solo of Rishi Kapoor after young Raju in Mera Naam Joker, and next one of Cult Raj Kapoor as Director…Thus Stage was set for a movie which was very much in news and very very hot even before its release.
Prologue: Very promising movie because of 2 reasons:
1)In news for multiple reasons even before its release
2)A movie on youngsters love. There hadn’t been a single movie till now to be based on teenagers love. And now we had Rishi Kapoor (21 years age at movie release) and Dimple Kapadia (16 years old and beau of RAJESH KHANNA)
Other successful movies of 1973:
Abhimaan (27th July, 1973)
Zanjeer (11th May, 1973)
Jugnu (30th August, 1973)
Daag: A Poem of Love (April 27th, 1973)
Kahani Kismet Ki (1st Jan, 1973)
Conclusion: No movie in 1973 till November that can be called a romantic love story. Abhimaan, Zanjeer etc are all heavy movies…all were very successful, but one romantic love angled movie was a draught which BOBBY filled.
Bobby Movie:
Movie is set on the background of a high-society family whose head Mr. Nath (Pran) is a very rich, busy, and disciplined man. Movie progresses showing both Mr. Nath and his wife busy with high-society (now called Page-3) parties, which were more of business get-togethers.
India in 1973 was a poor country, hence most people of India had never experienced high-society culture, had only heard about it through common street-corner gossips, tales from elderly, through newspapers etc that Rich don’t have time for their kids and don’t love their kids. Hindi Cinema hadn’t made any such movie before. To the extend that its shown that Raj Nath (Rishi Kapoor’s) mother never fed him on her milk and his Nanny Durga Khote grew him up…
Raj Kapoor leveraged this fresh concept and here was Indian audience’s chance to witness this theme in this movie. This helped make word for Bobby spread and made it talk-of-the-town.
Raj (Rishi Kapoor) has been shown as a well-behaving son who doesn’t call his father ‘Dad’ but ‘Sir’ and never goes against their directions. This despite living in boarding school from his childhood till his adolescence.
Rishi Kapoor returns home on his 18th b’day and there’s first song of Bobby movie ‘Main Shayar Toh Nahin’. Bobby had very touching lyrics by Anand Bakshi and amazing songs sung by Shailender Singh, Lata Mangeshkar, Manna Dey.
‘Main Shayar toh nahi’, ‘Hum tum Ek Kamre main band ho’, ‘Jhoot Bole Kauva Kate’, ‘Mujhe Kuch Kehna Hai’ made BOBBY movie a heartthrob of entire youth of 1973….especially Hum tum Ek Kamre Main Band Ho…This helped attract people to the Hall which made Bobby the most successful movie of 1973.
The way Rishi Kapoor’s mother derided and insulted Durga Khote when she came with Bobby to give a present to Rishi Kapoor set emotions high amongst audience. Then Rishi Kapoor goes to Mrs. Braganza (Durga Khote’s house) and the first scene wherein Bobby had Gram Flour on her forehead were the scenes which audience remembered till long.
Raj Kapoor in those few minutes set the belligerent character of 16 year old hot chick, making it very clear that targeted segment for this movie is Indian Youth .
The scene where Bobby says to Rishi Kapoor that ‘Daadi Maa Kehti hai 1st time family room main milna chahiye’, ‘Mere Daant bahut tej hain’, etc set up innocence also of 16 year old girl. Youth connected with these dialogues/scenes/screenplays and didn’t get jaded with the movie. This helped spread word for this movie. These songs were something people did sing even absent-mindedly in 73, and something audience took with them while leaving the hall.
Then is entry of Prem Nath, a very lively person who knows living life. When Rishi Kapoor comes to take permission from Prem Nath to take Bobby to movie, the scene shows a very lively father which didn’t practically exist in 1973. Such a scene was a fantasy of every youngster of 1973, I am sure many youngsters would have even tried enacting this in reality after watching this movie. The way Rishi Kapoor, very nervously, asks Prem Nath that he wants go movie with Mrs. Braganza was very comic.
These creative punches were something audience took with them while going out-of-the hall.
The Scene where Rishi Kapoor takes Bobby to a party and then fight happening in that party of Aruna Irani showed an innocent naïve unsophisticated Rishi Kapoor who is very obedient/takes instructions for everything/calls his dad ‘Sir’ fighting and beating a guy for Bobby. These are scenes that made youth connect with it. This scene I suppose Suraj Barjatya extrapolated in his ‘Maine Pyaar Kiya’ then!
The misunderstanding that happens between Rishi Kapoor and Bobby in Aruna Irani’s party, and Bobby going to Kashmir, Rishi Kapoor following his love, got beaten up and then clubbing again was the way Raj Kapoor chose to progress the movie!
After ‘Hum tum ek kamre main band ho’, when watchman opens door after returning from city, and Rishi Kapoor/Dimple Kapadia leave the bungalow arms in each-other’s waists and singing was a v.funny scene, and yet another creative punch!
But best had yet to come. When Rishi Kapoor returns home, and Pran abuses Bobby, first time Rishi Kapoor confronts Pran loudly! This was scene-of-the-movie.
Pran inviting Prem Nath, insulting him brutally set up that Raj Kapoor’s movie wasn’t only about Dimple Kapadia in mini-skirts, but had emotional chord in the movie as well. Prem Nath enacted one of his lifetime roles as such a progressive, daughter-loving father who could go to any extent for her Bobby’s happiness.
Scuffles between two fathers-Pran and Premnath were picturised very beautifully. One would very naturally start hating Pran and feel mercy for Premnath and take side with him. Premnath is shown as a very solid man who just falls helpless all the times not because Pran is rich but because for his Bobby. He is shown as a God-fearing, honest, true man with all virtues, and one would get very emotional when Pran lambasts him once and again and again. Raj Kapoor succeeded very well in making his characters emerge out of the shells naturally.
Rishi Kapoor leaving house and going to Goa to meet Bobby, Mrs. Braganza calling Pran, Pran lambasting Premnath again, and then both of them along with Police coming to Goa happened pacefully. Finally Rishi Kapoor and Dimple Kapadia jumping down the fall was like a shock to audience sitting in Halls. This is something I am sure many would have liked/took them by surprise. I am sure it was extrapolated in ‘Ek Dooje ke liye’ then in 1981.
Final scene when Pran saying ‘Meri Beti theek hai’ was dialogue-of-the-movie, Raj Kapoor did one more beautiful thing-Premnath saved Rishi Kapoor, Pran saved Dimple Kapadia.
Strengths of the movie:
1)Songs
2)Creative Punches
3)Novel theme/concept of peeping in high-society life, the way their kids grow.
4)Face to face clashes between Poor Dad/Rich Dad
5)Chemistry between 21 year old Rishi Kapoor/16 year old Dimple Kapadia (looks natural and real)
6)Suicide attempt by young couple at end of the movie
7)Belligerent character of Bobby, Innocent Rishi Kapoor, Lively Premnath, high-society father Pran
Weaknesses of the movie:
1)Movie was always confused in showing real character of Pran’s Wife/Rishi Kapoor’s mother
2)She kept saying to Pran always “Aap ne mujhe Maa nahi ban ne diya”…movie remained confused till last whether she was like this because Pran wanted like this or because she herself was kitty-party page-3 lady…
Remember the scene when Rishi Kapoor returns home from boarding school on his 18th b’day, both Pran and his wife come home to see Rishi Kapoor. They meet him for a while and then she leaves saying she has to go for one party……This confuses even more whether she herself was inclined towards loving Rishi Kapoor or liked his parties more
3)Movie showed Dimple Kapadia in mini-skirt in whole movie. There’s a library scene in 1st half of movie, all girls are sitting in Jeans/saree/salwaar…why only Dimple Kapadia has to be in Minis…raises a point that Raj Kapoor did it for sake of it, even when not required! Some would categorize it in movie’s strength as targeted segment was youth!
4)Governess Durga Khote saying to Rishi Kapoor in Goa that you both can’t marry because tum Nabalig ho…quite surprising that a Nanny knowing all these law intricacies!
What I could have been different:
1)I would have loved to see Premnath in Jail sent by Pran…when you showing emotions, then show atrocity to the extent that Premnath is sent to jail first time in life.
2)I would have made a scene wherein Bobby is facing Rishi Kapoor’s mother. I would have wanted to see how Raj Kapoor picturises that scene…that scene would have helped evolve real character of Rishi Kapoor’s mother…which is quite confusing till now, till date!
3)Rather than Premnath and Pran hitting Prem Chopra and his goons, Rishi Kapoor hitting them. Girl won’t want a man who can’t beat someone who tries molest her. Why involve premnath and pran in it…
Finally, a great movie! Raj Kapoor greatly succeeded in attracting youth that helped make this movie highest revenue of 1973.
Filmfare best Actor award: Rishi Kapoor
Filmfare best Actress award: Dimple Kapadia (shared with Jaya Bhaduri for Abhimaan)
Starcast: Rishi Kapoor, Dimple Kapadia, Pran, Premnath, Prem Chopra (guest role)
Producer and Director: Raj Kapoor
Distributed by: R.K. Studios
Rishi Kapoor: 2nd movie in 1973, after 1st movie (played Young Raju role) Mera Naam Joker in 1970. Mera Naam Joker had adolescent Raju infatuated with his teacher Mary (played by Simi Grewal). Mera Naam Joker flopped but audience (esp young crowd) remembered Young Raju (Rishi Kapoor)…and then in 1973, in Bobby, he came up Solo, thus a chocolate face amongst youngsters of 70s whom they could connect with.
Raj Kapoor as Director: Had directed Aag (1948), Barsaat (1949), Awaara (1951), Shree 420 (1955), Sangam (1964), Mera Naam Joker (1970)…Thus a very covetous and formidable name as a Director. Bobby was kind of platform for Raj Kapoor to launch his Son Rishi Kapoor, thus movie had got huge publicity beforehand.
Dimple Kapadia: She was 16 when Raj Kapoor discovered her for his movie Bobby. This was Dimple Kapadia’s first movie, but an interesting fact that Dimple Kapadia married heartthrob Rajesh Khanna on 27th March, 1973, 6 months before release of Bobby movie. Thus Dimple Kapadia was very much in news.
This was Dimple Kapadia’s first movie after her marriage with none other than Rajesh Khanna, 2nd movie and 1st solo of Rishi Kapoor after young Raju in Mera Naam Joker, and next one of Cult Raj Kapoor as Director…Thus Stage was set for a movie which was very much in news and very very hot even before its release.
Prologue: Very promising movie because of 2 reasons:
1)In news for multiple reasons even before its release
2)A movie on youngsters love. There hadn’t been a single movie till now to be based on teenagers love. And now we had Rishi Kapoor (21 years age at movie release) and Dimple Kapadia (16 years old and beau of RAJESH KHANNA)
Other successful movies of 1973:
Abhimaan (27th July, 1973)
Zanjeer (11th May, 1973)
Jugnu (30th August, 1973)
Daag: A Poem of Love (April 27th, 1973)
Kahani Kismet Ki (1st Jan, 1973)
Conclusion: No movie in 1973 till November that can be called a romantic love story. Abhimaan, Zanjeer etc are all heavy movies…all were very successful, but one romantic love angled movie was a draught which BOBBY filled.
Bobby Movie:
Movie is set on the background of a high-society family whose head Mr. Nath (Pran) is a very rich, busy, and disciplined man. Movie progresses showing both Mr. Nath and his wife busy with high-society (now called Page-3) parties, which were more of business get-togethers.
India in 1973 was a poor country, hence most people of India had never experienced high-society culture, had only heard about it through common street-corner gossips, tales from elderly, through newspapers etc that Rich don’t have time for their kids and don’t love their kids. Hindi Cinema hadn’t made any such movie before. To the extend that its shown that Raj Nath (Rishi Kapoor’s) mother never fed him on her milk and his Nanny Durga Khote grew him up…
Raj Kapoor leveraged this fresh concept and here was Indian audience’s chance to witness this theme in this movie. This helped make word for Bobby spread and made it talk-of-the-town.
Raj (Rishi Kapoor) has been shown as a well-behaving son who doesn’t call his father ‘Dad’ but ‘Sir’ and never goes against their directions. This despite living in boarding school from his childhood till his adolescence.
Rishi Kapoor returns home on his 18th b’day and there’s first song of Bobby movie ‘Main Shayar Toh Nahin’. Bobby had very touching lyrics by Anand Bakshi and amazing songs sung by Shailender Singh, Lata Mangeshkar, Manna Dey.
‘Main Shayar toh nahi’, ‘Hum tum Ek Kamre main band ho’, ‘Jhoot Bole Kauva Kate’, ‘Mujhe Kuch Kehna Hai’ made BOBBY movie a heartthrob of entire youth of 1973….especially Hum tum Ek Kamre Main Band Ho…This helped attract people to the Hall which made Bobby the most successful movie of 1973.
The way Rishi Kapoor’s mother derided and insulted Durga Khote when she came with Bobby to give a present to Rishi Kapoor set emotions high amongst audience. Then Rishi Kapoor goes to Mrs. Braganza (Durga Khote’s house) and the first scene wherein Bobby had Gram Flour on her forehead were the scenes which audience remembered till long.
Raj Kapoor in those few minutes set the belligerent character of 16 year old hot chick, making it very clear that targeted segment for this movie is Indian Youth .
The scene where Bobby says to Rishi Kapoor that ‘Daadi Maa Kehti hai 1st time family room main milna chahiye’, ‘Mere Daant bahut tej hain’, etc set up innocence also of 16 year old girl. Youth connected with these dialogues/scenes/screenplays and didn’t get jaded with the movie. This helped spread word for this movie. These songs were something people did sing even absent-mindedly in 73, and something audience took with them while leaving the hall.
Then is entry of Prem Nath, a very lively person who knows living life. When Rishi Kapoor comes to take permission from Prem Nath to take Bobby to movie, the scene shows a very lively father which didn’t practically exist in 1973. Such a scene was a fantasy of every youngster of 1973, I am sure many youngsters would have even tried enacting this in reality after watching this movie. The way Rishi Kapoor, very nervously, asks Prem Nath that he wants go movie with Mrs. Braganza was very comic.
These creative punches were something audience took with them while going out-of-the hall.
The Scene where Rishi Kapoor takes Bobby to a party and then fight happening in that party of Aruna Irani showed an innocent naïve unsophisticated Rishi Kapoor who is very obedient/takes instructions for everything/calls his dad ‘Sir’ fighting and beating a guy for Bobby. These are scenes that made youth connect with it. This scene I suppose Suraj Barjatya extrapolated in his ‘Maine Pyaar Kiya’ then!
The misunderstanding that happens between Rishi Kapoor and Bobby in Aruna Irani’s party, and Bobby going to Kashmir, Rishi Kapoor following his love, got beaten up and then clubbing again was the way Raj Kapoor chose to progress the movie!
After ‘Hum tum ek kamre main band ho’, when watchman opens door after returning from city, and Rishi Kapoor/Dimple Kapadia leave the bungalow arms in each-other’s waists and singing was a v.funny scene, and yet another creative punch!
But best had yet to come. When Rishi Kapoor returns home, and Pran abuses Bobby, first time Rishi Kapoor confronts Pran loudly! This was scene-of-the-movie.
Pran inviting Prem Nath, insulting him brutally set up that Raj Kapoor’s movie wasn’t only about Dimple Kapadia in mini-skirts, but had emotional chord in the movie as well. Prem Nath enacted one of his lifetime roles as such a progressive, daughter-loving father who could go to any extent for her Bobby’s happiness.
Scuffles between two fathers-Pran and Premnath were picturised very beautifully. One would very naturally start hating Pran and feel mercy for Premnath and take side with him. Premnath is shown as a very solid man who just falls helpless all the times not because Pran is rich but because for his Bobby. He is shown as a God-fearing, honest, true man with all virtues, and one would get very emotional when Pran lambasts him once and again and again. Raj Kapoor succeeded very well in making his characters emerge out of the shells naturally.
Rishi Kapoor leaving house and going to Goa to meet Bobby, Mrs. Braganza calling Pran, Pran lambasting Premnath again, and then both of them along with Police coming to Goa happened pacefully. Finally Rishi Kapoor and Dimple Kapadia jumping down the fall was like a shock to audience sitting in Halls. This is something I am sure many would have liked/took them by surprise. I am sure it was extrapolated in ‘Ek Dooje ke liye’ then in 1981.
Final scene when Pran saying ‘Meri Beti theek hai’ was dialogue-of-the-movie, Raj Kapoor did one more beautiful thing-Premnath saved Rishi Kapoor, Pran saved Dimple Kapadia.
Strengths of the movie:
1)Songs
2)Creative Punches
3)Novel theme/concept of peeping in high-society life, the way their kids grow.
4)Face to face clashes between Poor Dad/Rich Dad
5)Chemistry between 21 year old Rishi Kapoor/16 year old Dimple Kapadia (looks natural and real)
6)Suicide attempt by young couple at end of the movie
7)Belligerent character of Bobby, Innocent Rishi Kapoor, Lively Premnath, high-society father Pran
Weaknesses of the movie:
1)Movie was always confused in showing real character of Pran’s Wife/Rishi Kapoor’s mother
2)She kept saying to Pran always “Aap ne mujhe Maa nahi ban ne diya”…movie remained confused till last whether she was like this because Pran wanted like this or because she herself was kitty-party page-3 lady…
Remember the scene when Rishi Kapoor returns home from boarding school on his 18th b’day, both Pran and his wife come home to see Rishi Kapoor. They meet him for a while and then she leaves saying she has to go for one party……This confuses even more whether she herself was inclined towards loving Rishi Kapoor or liked his parties more
3)Movie showed Dimple Kapadia in mini-skirt in whole movie. There’s a library scene in 1st half of movie, all girls are sitting in Jeans/saree/salwaar…why only Dimple Kapadia has to be in Minis…raises a point that Raj Kapoor did it for sake of it, even when not required! Some would categorize it in movie’s strength as targeted segment was youth!
4)Governess Durga Khote saying to Rishi Kapoor in Goa that you both can’t marry because tum Nabalig ho…quite surprising that a Nanny knowing all these law intricacies!
What I could have been different:
1)I would have loved to see Premnath in Jail sent by Pran…when you showing emotions, then show atrocity to the extent that Premnath is sent to jail first time in life.
2)I would have made a scene wherein Bobby is facing Rishi Kapoor’s mother. I would have wanted to see how Raj Kapoor picturises that scene…that scene would have helped evolve real character of Rishi Kapoor’s mother…which is quite confusing till now, till date!
3)Rather than Premnath and Pran hitting Prem Chopra and his goons, Rishi Kapoor hitting them. Girl won’t want a man who can’t beat someone who tries molest her. Why involve premnath and pran in it…
Finally, a great movie! Raj Kapoor greatly succeeded in attracting youth that helped make this movie highest revenue of 1973.
Filmfare best Actor award: Rishi Kapoor
Filmfare best Actress award: Dimple Kapadia (shared with Jaya Bhaduri for Abhimaan)
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Review: Sholay (1975)
Release Date: 15th August, 1975, Cinema only source of Entertainment for people…political situation very tumultuous in the country (emergency is already on since 25th June, 1975)
Starcast: Dharmendra, Amitabh Bachchan, Sanjeev Kumar, Hema Malini, Jaya Bachchan, Amjad Khan, Jagdeep, A.K. Hangal
Starcase Introduction:
1)Sanjeev Kumar gave Khilona in 1970, Seeta aur Geeta in 1972, Koshish (1972), Aandhi on 13th February, 1975)- Well established and well known in industry.
2)Dharmendra: Bandini (1963), Anupama (1966), Satyakam (1969), Naya Zamana (1971), Mera Gaon Mera Des (1971), Seeta aur Geeta (1972)- Well established in industry. Rated one of most handsome men of world in mid-seventies (year and date unavailable, thus assumption it was before 15th August, 1975). Very well established in the industry.
3)Hema Malini: Johnny Mera Naam 1970), Paraya Dhan (1971), Seeta aur Geeta (1972)
4)Jaya Bachchan: Guddi (1971), Zanjeer (1973), Abhimaan (1973)…Married to Amitabh Bachchan at the time of Sholay (1975)…married in 1973, an established and famous couple (on and off-screen)
5)Amitabh Bachchan- Zanjeer (1973) that established him as Young Angry Man, Abhimaan (1973), Namak Haram (1973), Roti Kapda aur Makaan (1974), Majboor (1974)…Very well established in the industry.
Why was Sholay Unique:
1)New Experiment of multi Super-hit star cast…3 main lead actors and 2 main lead actresses
2)Carried all flavors of a commercial Masala movie-Comedy, action, tragedy, drama, emotion, romance (explicit-Basanti and Veeru and implicit-Jaya and Radha), revenge gabbar’s from Thakur, Thakur’s and Veeru’s from gabbar), sacrifice (Jaya’s for Veeru by having head on both sides of coin, basanti for veeru by dancing for his life), cruelty (gabbar killing sachin when he going out of Ramgarh for job)…
a)This helped project movie to all kind of audience-Those who like Comedy, Those who like Action, Those who like Emotion etc. Thus, movie didn’t have a specific segment where to position it, but it could be generally positioned across all the segment of society and across all age-groups…This helped expand audience base of the movie, thus made it a success… I find it the biggest possible reason for Sholay’s success…
b)Missed Sex part: Movie didn’t have Sex or even innuendo part at all. This could make it a family movie, could make it for all age-groups, could make people talk about it at homes…Remember it’s 1975 and not 2010! Thus audience base widened and movie SOLD!
3)Killing Hero (Jaya) in the end- This didn’t use to happen too often in 1970s, as that era was known for Happy-ending. Killing Jaya in the climax was the trump card for the success of movie. This helped spread the word for Sholay like forest-fire.
4)Subtle love between Hero and a Widow: Radical, unorthodox, revolutionary, very suitable and apt during radical Emergency era of 1975 (imposed by Indira Gandhi)…CHANGE WAS THE KEY in people’s mindset in emergency and this Subtle Love unintentionally got the opportunity to SHOLAY to leverage it.
5)Re-defining the Villain: Till now, villain used to be white-collared. This means they used to be respectable people of society doing smuggling under-the-blanket…They used to be refined, sophisticated, having savoir faire (Ajit, Pran, Prem Kumar, Madan Puri)…but then Sippy introduced Gabbar Singh-crude, unrefined, brutal, cruel, unforgiving…He was introduced killing his 3 loyals…This was innovative!
6)Repeat-Value of dialogues: Dialogues in Sholay were one-liners and had repeat-value. This could help common-man remember it and use it once-and-again. This helped spread word-of-mouth and was 2nd biggest reason (after movie’s positioning for all audience) for its mega-success.
Sholay Story, screenplay, direction and Creativity (most important):
The story starts with Thakur looking for Jaya and Veeru to take revenge from dacoit Gabbar. This is because Jaya and Veeru, though rougues are brave and human. Thakur has already witnessed their bravery once when they combated the dacoits on their own and even saved life of Thakur when they could instead flee.
Creativity:
Movie proceeds with creative comic punches of Soorma Bhopali, Asrani (Hum Angrezon ke zamaane ke jailer hain), aadhe daayain (right) jaao…aadhe baayain (left) jaao…baaki mere peeche aao…when there’s no one left, then keshto mukherjee as informer of Asrani, then jaya-veeru playing pranks with Asrani through Keshto mukherjee, these were very creative, well-thought, humorous and full-enough to make people talk about these when out of the theatre.
Then Thakur invites them to Ramgarh…hence Basanti is introduced. Very fine characteristic of the movie which Ramesh sippy very subtly showed was the characters’ character. Veeru is shown shrewd, Basanti very talkative though saying she is laconic, Jaya very forward and to-the-point…which is apparent from his one-liners like “Tumhara naam kya hai basanti”, “Thakur Baldev Singh ke ghar jaana hai”, “Putting cotton in his ears by Jaya”, “basanti saying tumhari baton main raaste ka pata hi nahi chala and Jaya immediately responding –“Haan hamain baat karne ki aadat zara jyaada hai” are so humorous that one surely carries them back home from Theatre.
“Jaya taking basanti to back of temple where Veeru is trying smart with Basanti”, “Jaya’s conversation with Mausi”…these punches make audience stay awake, alert, attentive, attracted, interested to the movie, and on top of that, it made them carry memories of the movie with them when out. And yes, “That famous water tank scene where Veeru is murdering English” is very funny.
Dichotomous character of Radha came out very well. Showing that 3 minute scene when Thakur Baldev Singh going to meet Radha’s father(Iftikhar) showed jovial character of Radha very apparently. This came out very realistic.
“Kitne aadmi the kaliya” gave common man a dialogue so that when he is with his friends in his office, canteen or street, he would very often use this “Kitne aadmi the” and that made Sholay talk-of-the-town and hence very famous.
Sholay Songs: Sholay was on top not only in creative dialogues, funny punches but also in songs. “Yeh Dosti hum nahi shodenge”, “Koi haseen jab rooth jaati hai”, “Main naachoongi”, “Mehbooba mehbooba”, “Holi ke din” are songs that people kept singing every now and then led to Sholay’s success.
Sholay Festival Strategy: 1975, life is still not very fast paced, festivals are still being celebrated. And as Holi is India’s very special festival, Sholay showcases Holi twice (one when Thakur goes to meet Iftikhaar and 2nd when Gabbar asks Holi kab hai, kab hai Holi). This strategy did the trick and people could connect with this festival very well.
What Sholay missed:
1)One scene that I would have loved in the movie would have been Veeru talking to Thakur asking Radha’s hand for Jaya, but that scene is missing. When Jaya went to Basanti’s Mausi asking for basanti-veeru marriage, Sippy showed that as a very funny scene. But when Veeru would have gone to Thakur to ask for radha-jaya marriage, it could be shown as a very sincere serious scene, encouraging widow marriage. This is what he missed, and we had to wait till Baabul (2006) to come to showcase this. That could be a great for social-reform through Sholay!Movie seriously missed a great ending. Giving Gabbar back to police so that he can flee the jail again was a faux pas in the movie, that too when he has already delivered the dialogue that no jail can keep gabbar in jail for 20 years. Ideal ending would be Thakur killing Gabbar despite police appeal and then crying for the first time, which Veeru, basanti, entire village, and on top of that, Ram Lal and Radha are witnessing for first time. Then Radha coming to Thakur and both hugging and crying…Radha for Jaya and Thakur for his family which Gabbar killed. And police rewarding Thakur (coz Gabbar is wanted Zinda ya Murdaa)…current ending was Anti-Climax.
2)One memory this movie missed big time…and that is 1-minute or 30 second conversation between Radha and Jaya. Had I been a director, I would have had a 1 minute conversation between both where Radha opening up her pain for first and last time in the movie. This could probably be a legendary conversation like of Amitabh Bachchan and God in Deewar “Aaj khush toh bahut hoge tum” or Amit ji and Shashi Kapoor ji’s “Mere paas Maa hai” conversation.
3)I would have loved another 30-60 second interaction between Basanti and Radha in the movie, may be in the temple. Basanti’s talkative nature and talk-talk-talk would have reminded Radha of her old-times. I wanted to subtly show Radha’s pain, Thakur’s pain portraying it classically…
Starcast: Dharmendra, Amitabh Bachchan, Sanjeev Kumar, Hema Malini, Jaya Bachchan, Amjad Khan, Jagdeep, A.K. Hangal
Starcase Introduction:
1)Sanjeev Kumar gave Khilona in 1970, Seeta aur Geeta in 1972, Koshish (1972), Aandhi on 13th February, 1975)- Well established and well known in industry.
2)Dharmendra: Bandini (1963), Anupama (1966), Satyakam (1969), Naya Zamana (1971), Mera Gaon Mera Des (1971), Seeta aur Geeta (1972)- Well established in industry. Rated one of most handsome men of world in mid-seventies (year and date unavailable, thus assumption it was before 15th August, 1975). Very well established in the industry.
3)Hema Malini: Johnny Mera Naam 1970), Paraya Dhan (1971), Seeta aur Geeta (1972)
4)Jaya Bachchan: Guddi (1971), Zanjeer (1973), Abhimaan (1973)…Married to Amitabh Bachchan at the time of Sholay (1975)…married in 1973, an established and famous couple (on and off-screen)
5)Amitabh Bachchan- Zanjeer (1973) that established him as Young Angry Man, Abhimaan (1973), Namak Haram (1973), Roti Kapda aur Makaan (1974), Majboor (1974)…Very well established in the industry.
Why was Sholay Unique:
1)New Experiment of multi Super-hit star cast…3 main lead actors and 2 main lead actresses
2)Carried all flavors of a commercial Masala movie-Comedy, action, tragedy, drama, emotion, romance (explicit-Basanti and Veeru and implicit-Jaya and Radha), revenge gabbar’s from Thakur, Thakur’s and Veeru’s from gabbar), sacrifice (Jaya’s for Veeru by having head on both sides of coin, basanti for veeru by dancing for his life), cruelty (gabbar killing sachin when he going out of Ramgarh for job)…
a)This helped project movie to all kind of audience-Those who like Comedy, Those who like Action, Those who like Emotion etc. Thus, movie didn’t have a specific segment where to position it, but it could be generally positioned across all the segment of society and across all age-groups…This helped expand audience base of the movie, thus made it a success… I find it the biggest possible reason for Sholay’s success…
b)Missed Sex part: Movie didn’t have Sex or even innuendo part at all. This could make it a family movie, could make it for all age-groups, could make people talk about it at homes…Remember it’s 1975 and not 2010! Thus audience base widened and movie SOLD!
3)Killing Hero (Jaya) in the end- This didn’t use to happen too often in 1970s, as that era was known for Happy-ending. Killing Jaya in the climax was the trump card for the success of movie. This helped spread the word for Sholay like forest-fire.
4)Subtle love between Hero and a Widow: Radical, unorthodox, revolutionary, very suitable and apt during radical Emergency era of 1975 (imposed by Indira Gandhi)…CHANGE WAS THE KEY in people’s mindset in emergency and this Subtle Love unintentionally got the opportunity to SHOLAY to leverage it.
5)Re-defining the Villain: Till now, villain used to be white-collared. This means they used to be respectable people of society doing smuggling under-the-blanket…They used to be refined, sophisticated, having savoir faire (Ajit, Pran, Prem Kumar, Madan Puri)…but then Sippy introduced Gabbar Singh-crude, unrefined, brutal, cruel, unforgiving…He was introduced killing his 3 loyals…This was innovative!
6)Repeat-Value of dialogues: Dialogues in Sholay were one-liners and had repeat-value. This could help common-man remember it and use it once-and-again. This helped spread word-of-mouth and was 2nd biggest reason (after movie’s positioning for all audience) for its mega-success.
Sholay Story, screenplay, direction and Creativity (most important):
The story starts with Thakur looking for Jaya and Veeru to take revenge from dacoit Gabbar. This is because Jaya and Veeru, though rougues are brave and human. Thakur has already witnessed their bravery once when they combated the dacoits on their own and even saved life of Thakur when they could instead flee.
Creativity:
Movie proceeds with creative comic punches of Soorma Bhopali, Asrani (Hum Angrezon ke zamaane ke jailer hain), aadhe daayain (right) jaao…aadhe baayain (left) jaao…baaki mere peeche aao…when there’s no one left, then keshto mukherjee as informer of Asrani, then jaya-veeru playing pranks with Asrani through Keshto mukherjee, these were very creative, well-thought, humorous and full-enough to make people talk about these when out of the theatre.
Then Thakur invites them to Ramgarh…hence Basanti is introduced. Very fine characteristic of the movie which Ramesh sippy very subtly showed was the characters’ character. Veeru is shown shrewd, Basanti very talkative though saying she is laconic, Jaya very forward and to-the-point…which is apparent from his one-liners like “Tumhara naam kya hai basanti”, “Thakur Baldev Singh ke ghar jaana hai”, “Putting cotton in his ears by Jaya”, “basanti saying tumhari baton main raaste ka pata hi nahi chala and Jaya immediately responding –“Haan hamain baat karne ki aadat zara jyaada hai” are so humorous that one surely carries them back home from Theatre.
“Jaya taking basanti to back of temple where Veeru is trying smart with Basanti”, “Jaya’s conversation with Mausi”…these punches make audience stay awake, alert, attentive, attracted, interested to the movie, and on top of that, it made them carry memories of the movie with them when out. And yes, “That famous water tank scene where Veeru is murdering English” is very funny.
Dichotomous character of Radha came out very well. Showing that 3 minute scene when Thakur Baldev Singh going to meet Radha’s father(Iftikhar) showed jovial character of Radha very apparently. This came out very realistic.
“Kitne aadmi the kaliya” gave common man a dialogue so that when he is with his friends in his office, canteen or street, he would very often use this “Kitne aadmi the” and that made Sholay talk-of-the-town and hence very famous.
Sholay Songs: Sholay was on top not only in creative dialogues, funny punches but also in songs. “Yeh Dosti hum nahi shodenge”, “Koi haseen jab rooth jaati hai”, “Main naachoongi”, “Mehbooba mehbooba”, “Holi ke din” are songs that people kept singing every now and then led to Sholay’s success.
Sholay Festival Strategy: 1975, life is still not very fast paced, festivals are still being celebrated. And as Holi is India’s very special festival, Sholay showcases Holi twice (one when Thakur goes to meet Iftikhaar and 2nd when Gabbar asks Holi kab hai, kab hai Holi). This strategy did the trick and people could connect with this festival very well.
What Sholay missed:
1)One scene that I would have loved in the movie would have been Veeru talking to Thakur asking Radha’s hand for Jaya, but that scene is missing. When Jaya went to Basanti’s Mausi asking for basanti-veeru marriage, Sippy showed that as a very funny scene. But when Veeru would have gone to Thakur to ask for radha-jaya marriage, it could be shown as a very sincere serious scene, encouraging widow marriage. This is what he missed, and we had to wait till Baabul (2006) to come to showcase this. That could be a great for social-reform through Sholay!Movie seriously missed a great ending. Giving Gabbar back to police so that he can flee the jail again was a faux pas in the movie, that too when he has already delivered the dialogue that no jail can keep gabbar in jail for 20 years. Ideal ending would be Thakur killing Gabbar despite police appeal and then crying for the first time, which Veeru, basanti, entire village, and on top of that, Ram Lal and Radha are witnessing for first time. Then Radha coming to Thakur and both hugging and crying…Radha for Jaya and Thakur for his family which Gabbar killed. And police rewarding Thakur (coz Gabbar is wanted Zinda ya Murdaa)…current ending was Anti-Climax.
2)One memory this movie missed big time…and that is 1-minute or 30 second conversation between Radha and Jaya. Had I been a director, I would have had a 1 minute conversation between both where Radha opening up her pain for first and last time in the movie. This could probably be a legendary conversation like of Amitabh Bachchan and God in Deewar “Aaj khush toh bahut hoge tum” or Amit ji and Shashi Kapoor ji’s “Mere paas Maa hai” conversation.
3)I would have loved another 30-60 second interaction between Basanti and Radha in the movie, may be in the temple. Basanti’s talkative nature and talk-talk-talk would have reminded Radha of her old-times. I wanted to subtly show Radha’s pain, Thakur’s pain portraying it classically…
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Review: Deewar (1975)
Released on 1st January, 1975.
Contemporary period: Tumultuous politically (leading to emergency on 25th June, 1975 itself), country poor, only source of entertainment is Cinema. Amitabh is already established as a angry young man thro’ Zanjeer (1973), Namak Haram (1973), Abhimaan (1974), Majboor (1974)…thus Amit ji is quite hot in the market and his movie if good will surely sell!
Movie: guess first time an actress shown in live-in…which was quite a big thing in 70s. This established Praveen Babi and the movie itself as a radical movie with the youth of 70s.
As movie revolves around an impoverished family which comes to Mumbai after the union leader fled away from home. Here’s a first big flaw in the movie: Union Leader is inside a house negotiating with the factory owners, but factory owner kidnaps union leader’s wife and children and blackmails him. This Union Leader has 200 odd workers waiting outside this house…How could this factory owner still blackmail the union leader? He could simply come out without signing the deal or he could even come out and say that he signed the deal because his wife and children are under-seize by the factory owner…For sure, 5 people inside the house (the owners) could nowhere counter these 200+ odd workers. Still this is the way movie was progressed!
Next scene was the Coolie scene where Amitji thrashed the weekly money-grabbers. Going into their house and beating them up was something that probably became talk-of-the-town in 75…could be yet another factor in its popularity.
What made Deewar famous/talk of the city: Movie has great/very famous dialogues and songs which people carried away with them when they left the hall. One was “Main phaike hue paise nahi uthata”...This along with “Keh doon tumhe” song, “Mere paas Maa hai” conversation, Shashi Kapoor saying to Neetu ji “meri kamyaabi main bhai ka paseena hai” are somethings people really carried away with them…And this retention made Deewar talk-of-the-city to attract many more audience into the Hall.
Amitji going into the temple and that famous dialogue “Aaj khush toh bahut hoge tum” conversation was yet another thing that would have made Deewar talk-of-the-city…and people would have carried as retention of the movie…to make others watch the movie.
70’s were not a very pratical era in the sense people have ordinary lives, standard of livings were normal and way-of-thinking conventional. Someone going to Temple for begging his mother’s life and on top of that, such a beautiful dialogue delivery would have made many people connect with it.
Where movie Lacked: Movie lacked in few things…One was to showcase 2-3 minute struggle of Amitji in his childhood along with his mother…this would have reflected soundly how he was behind Shashi Kapoor’s studies…And how he himself didn’t study but made Shashi Kapoor go to school and take education. This would have also helped establish why Maa (Nirupa Roy) was near to Amitabh Bachchan than Shashi Kapoor because of that collective struggle to make Shashi Kapoor study…and how he faced challenges in his childhood due to “Mera baap chor hai” written on his arm..This would have established why Amitji chose this smuggling line (coz then it would have a history of those childhood struggles).
Creative Punches in movie: For me, Deewar had few amazing greats…One was killing Praveen Babi. That was very untraditional. Second was that great punch of how Amitji took 5 lacs from Madan puri also and also manipulated that Madan Puri’s minions brought the Gold worth 50 lacs than Amitji taking any chance…These were creative punches and kept people stick to their chairs. Then “Mera baap chor hai” was yet another creative punch.
Shashi Kapoor Ji’s dichotomous character where he’s so jolly in first half before becoming police inspector and then becoming damn serious in second half makes audience connect with the character.
Conversation of Shashi Kapoor with A.K. Hangal and his wife and then his yet another famous dialogue “Yeh shiksha ek school teacher ke ghar se hi mil sakti thi” and then Neetu Kapoor Ji’s and Shashi Kapoor Ji’s conversation on Geeta, Arjun and Krishna…and Shashi Kapoor ji’s compulsion saying “Main Arjun nahi hoon” are something that people find very very realistic.
Yet another scene which makes movie classic was Shashi Kapoor Ji’s stopping his Maa from putting Vermilion (Sindoor) in her head. That was a very very unique way of conveying death of her husband. If I were a script writer, I would have better preferred to make Amitji’s Dad (Union leader) to commit suicide like school teacher did in Agneepath…And reason is this would have established even better why Amitji had so much grief inside him which made him tread the wrong-path.
Direction great as always by none other than Yashji himself…Music 1 song a great soundtrack…but guess this was one such movie where not much effort was put on music…that too intentionally. More emphasis was on creative dialogue delivery and screenplay.
No doubt, Deewar received Filmfare award for best movie in 1975, best Director for Yashji, best dialogue for Salim-Javed, Best screenplay for Salim-Javed and ofcourse best story to Salim-Javed.
Contemporary period: Tumultuous politically (leading to emergency on 25th June, 1975 itself), country poor, only source of entertainment is Cinema. Amitabh is already established as a angry young man thro’ Zanjeer (1973), Namak Haram (1973), Abhimaan (1974), Majboor (1974)…thus Amit ji is quite hot in the market and his movie if good will surely sell!
Movie: guess first time an actress shown in live-in…which was quite a big thing in 70s. This established Praveen Babi and the movie itself as a radical movie with the youth of 70s.
As movie revolves around an impoverished family which comes to Mumbai after the union leader fled away from home. Here’s a first big flaw in the movie: Union Leader is inside a house negotiating with the factory owners, but factory owner kidnaps union leader’s wife and children and blackmails him. This Union Leader has 200 odd workers waiting outside this house…How could this factory owner still blackmail the union leader? He could simply come out without signing the deal or he could even come out and say that he signed the deal because his wife and children are under-seize by the factory owner…For sure, 5 people inside the house (the owners) could nowhere counter these 200+ odd workers. Still this is the way movie was progressed!
Next scene was the Coolie scene where Amitji thrashed the weekly money-grabbers. Going into their house and beating them up was something that probably became talk-of-the-town in 75…could be yet another factor in its popularity.
What made Deewar famous/talk of the city: Movie has great/very famous dialogues and songs which people carried away with them when they left the hall. One was “Main phaike hue paise nahi uthata”...This along with “Keh doon tumhe” song, “Mere paas Maa hai” conversation, Shashi Kapoor saying to Neetu ji “meri kamyaabi main bhai ka paseena hai” are somethings people really carried away with them…And this retention made Deewar talk-of-the-city to attract many more audience into the Hall.
Amitji going into the temple and that famous dialogue “Aaj khush toh bahut hoge tum” conversation was yet another thing that would have made Deewar talk-of-the-city…and people would have carried as retention of the movie…to make others watch the movie.
70’s were not a very pratical era in the sense people have ordinary lives, standard of livings were normal and way-of-thinking conventional. Someone going to Temple for begging his mother’s life and on top of that, such a beautiful dialogue delivery would have made many people connect with it.
Where movie Lacked: Movie lacked in few things…One was to showcase 2-3 minute struggle of Amitji in his childhood along with his mother…this would have reflected soundly how he was behind Shashi Kapoor’s studies…And how he himself didn’t study but made Shashi Kapoor go to school and take education. This would have also helped establish why Maa (Nirupa Roy) was near to Amitabh Bachchan than Shashi Kapoor because of that collective struggle to make Shashi Kapoor study…and how he faced challenges in his childhood due to “Mera baap chor hai” written on his arm..This would have established why Amitji chose this smuggling line (coz then it would have a history of those childhood struggles).
Creative Punches in movie: For me, Deewar had few amazing greats…One was killing Praveen Babi. That was very untraditional. Second was that great punch of how Amitji took 5 lacs from Madan puri also and also manipulated that Madan Puri’s minions brought the Gold worth 50 lacs than Amitji taking any chance…These were creative punches and kept people stick to their chairs. Then “Mera baap chor hai” was yet another creative punch.
Shashi Kapoor Ji’s dichotomous character where he’s so jolly in first half before becoming police inspector and then becoming damn serious in second half makes audience connect with the character.
Conversation of Shashi Kapoor with A.K. Hangal and his wife and then his yet another famous dialogue “Yeh shiksha ek school teacher ke ghar se hi mil sakti thi” and then Neetu Kapoor Ji’s and Shashi Kapoor Ji’s conversation on Geeta, Arjun and Krishna…and Shashi Kapoor ji’s compulsion saying “Main Arjun nahi hoon” are something that people find very very realistic.
Yet another scene which makes movie classic was Shashi Kapoor Ji’s stopping his Maa from putting Vermilion (Sindoor) in her head. That was a very very unique way of conveying death of her husband. If I were a script writer, I would have better preferred to make Amitji’s Dad (Union leader) to commit suicide like school teacher did in Agneepath…And reason is this would have established even better why Amitji had so much grief inside him which made him tread the wrong-path.
Direction great as always by none other than Yashji himself…Music 1 song a great soundtrack…but guess this was one such movie where not much effort was put on music…that too intentionally. More emphasis was on creative dialogue delivery and screenplay.
No doubt, Deewar received Filmfare award for best movie in 1975, best Director for Yashji, best dialogue for Salim-Javed, Best screenplay for Salim-Javed and ofcourse best story to Salim-Javed.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Sneaking into a b-school (Part-3)
“Papa kehte hain bada naam karega, beta hamara aisa kaam karega,” quadie next door was playing this song when I woke up the day my first mid-terms had to start. Why the hell it’s only Dads who want their names big when Moms have no issues with their names. Unnecessary stress on us by over-ambitious Dads, and why this guy had to play this song damn first thing in the morning!
*************************************
“You may start now,” one butcherous voice announced during Econ exam in the exam centre and all of us promptly came into action like trained machines.
I was quite good at Economics (at least I used to think so) and all these 3 weeks in Economics class, I had felt me a great Economist, the Manmohan Singh and Montek Singh Ahluwalia kind, you know, so this exam should me a cakewalk for me.
“What are you doing here Anand? Go and do some research on recession-proof Economic models in the States. That’s the best place for you…Don’t waste your precious talent here. And yes, don’t forget to go and meet Montek Singh Ahluwalia in term break discussing new CST/GST policy for India with him” I thought while writing my name, PGId, Section on the Economics answer sheet.
Tuple was sitting diagonally right to me not having any butterfly clip tying her hair today. She was looking a fairy in her open hair!
“All the best,” I thumbed up guessing she was looking at me. And all she reacted was by looking back at her answer sheet. God, why I feel she’s always looking at me!
It was a 2 hour paper, I strategized to finish it in some 40-45 minutes and go back to prepare for the evening Marketing exam, and opened the question paper.
In all these were three questions with 10 marks numerical each and I started solving with first question.
1st and 2nd question had TR, TC, MR, MC given…I had to calculate elasticity “n” and then draw some snail-alike curves such as economies of scale, economies of scope, average fixed cost, average variable cost etc. etc. etc.
“It’s TR=TC (1+ 1/n)..no…no”
“It should be MR=MC (1+1/n)…no…no”
“Probably it is TR=TC/(1+n)…no…no”
“Guess it is MR=MC/(1+1/n)…no…no,” I thought. I was damn confused!
Head had started spinning…I had forgotten the formulae to solve 2 fucking 10 mark questions.
Sweat on forehead was quite apparent…already had been to drink water thrice…and if I go again, butcher invigilator will make butter chicken of mine and eat inside the exam centre only!
“Anand, relax! Remember you are a great Economist. You have to do it. What would you tell Manmohan ji otherwise?” God knows what all I was talking to myself.
Finally, I counted Om Namah Shivay once, and as these were 3 words, I chose 3rd equation and solved 2 numericals of 10 marks each and went to drink water fourth time!
“Calculate producer surplus of the new market Walmart is entering,” read the 3rd question, which had given some etta, betta, theta, some equations, some random numbers and God knows what.
“What the hell is this Producer Surplus! I never read it,” guess I was the only one sweating in this damn cold air-conditioned basket ball court where our exam was being held!
“What a misery! I can’t even call Manmohan ji or Montek Singh Ahluwalia at this moment” I thought and started laughing. What else to do, only God knew what all I was thinking. What’s happening to me!
Everyone in the room was busy scratching their answer sheets and all I was doing was laughing.
I closed my eyes, chanted Om Namha shivay in closed eyes, opened my eyes, and picked first 5 maths numbers and first 2 equations I saw on opening my eyes.
“I would solve this numerical with only these numbers,” I told myself. If this question was stubborn to be tough, even I was stubborn to solve it with my chosen numbers and equations. Who knows it increases Wal-Mart’s producer-surplus in new market!
I managed to finish this question in next 3 minutes and winded up the answer sheet.
“Sir, answer sheet!” I offered my answer sheet to the butcher when it were just 30 minutes into the exam.
Butcher surprisingly looked at me as if I am giving him my marriage card invitation with his daughter but very generously accepted it, and I ran away before he finally made my butter chicken in exam centre!
**********************************************
“Hey mid-term grades are out. I got an A+” I excitingly told Tuple when met her outside the cafeteria. I was so happy wished could take her hand in my hands, but alas, desires are only desires!
“What did you get?” I curiously asked when she was merely gazing at a corner and tapping her fingers on table next to her.
No reply from her side!
“Even Swami and Veenugopal in our study group got A+. Our study group is the best study group,” I super-excitingly told Tuple, and had to forcefully bring my hands back from almost half-way when they were already on their way out to Tuple’s hands.
“So you A or A+ Miss Tuple,” I winked.
“D,” only alphabet she uttered and again starting gazing at some corner.
I was anyways wanting for an opportunity, and now immediately grabbed her hand in my hands. Nothing could be a safer moment than this!
Man! What a great moment it was…So here was Tuple who was D standing in front of Anand Malhotra A+…
“Now she would marry me,” I drooled. After months had got some good news.
“God, should have given her E or may be even F,” I complained to God. Greed has no limits dude!
“Hey, must be evaluation problem, we would file for re-evaluation or may be, we would study even harder for final terms. And I won’t listen to you now anymore, now we would study together all the times…All the times,” I leveraged the market opportunity like a domain-expert marketer repeating “all the times” making double-quotes in air twice just to make sure she didn’t have something else going on in her mind.
Tuple sounded well-entrapped. Even the idea of studying with Tuple "all the time" was arousing butterflies in my stomach...
I wiped her face expecting their would be some tears. Damn, there was none! Why this girl doesn’t cry, I had missed yet another chance of emotional soap opera with Tuple!
May be next time! I cursed myself for giving her this re-evaluation idea!
Tuple was tapping her fingers on the table and then the sound of tapping increased…increased…increased unless I realized it was my “Papa Kehte Hain” quadie knocking at my door making me wake up as had told him the previous night.
I woke up but still had that great feeling of Tuple always studying with me…all the time…and jumped off the day to hug “Papa kehte hain” quadie.
**********************************************************************8
“Hey mid-term grades are out. I got an A+,” Tuple told jumping and holding my arm in her both hands when she met me outside the cafeteria.
Don’t know why these girls have to jump when they are happy! And, does she want to tell me that our mid-term grades are out or that she has got an A+. You know these girls-say something else and mean something else!
“What did you get?” Tuple asked, she was still jumping.
No reply from my side!
I looked all around, many more girls were jumping in different parts of the hall, while guys had both their feet touching the ground like me.
“Even Swami and Veenugopal in our study group got A+. Our study group is the best study group,” Tuple excitedly told. This girl has got some energy, jumping for last 5 minutes.
“So you A or A+ Mr. Anand,” Tuple winked.
Since the time I have learnt alphabets, first time I wished E to come before A!
“E,” only alphabet I uttered and went back to gaze at some corner. My fingers were still tapping on the table next to me.
Jumping to the halt and hands off the arm!
“Oh aren’t we getting late for our Econ class? Let me grab some sandwich, see you in the class,” Tuple monotonously told and went off the scene. Girls in other corners had also stopped jumping and went for their sandwiches.
A, B, C, D were the villains between me and Tuple. Wished could change alphabets taught to us in kindergarten to E,D,C,B,A,G,H and so on…
Tuple won’t marry me now...
*************************************
“You may start now,” one butcherous voice announced during Econ exam in the exam centre and all of us promptly came into action like trained machines.
I was quite good at Economics (at least I used to think so) and all these 3 weeks in Economics class, I had felt me a great Economist, the Manmohan Singh and Montek Singh Ahluwalia kind, you know, so this exam should me a cakewalk for me.
“What are you doing here Anand? Go and do some research on recession-proof Economic models in the States. That’s the best place for you…Don’t waste your precious talent here. And yes, don’t forget to go and meet Montek Singh Ahluwalia in term break discussing new CST/GST policy for India with him” I thought while writing my name, PGId, Section on the Economics answer sheet.
Tuple was sitting diagonally right to me not having any butterfly clip tying her hair today. She was looking a fairy in her open hair!
“All the best,” I thumbed up guessing she was looking at me. And all she reacted was by looking back at her answer sheet. God, why I feel she’s always looking at me!
It was a 2 hour paper, I strategized to finish it in some 40-45 minutes and go back to prepare for the evening Marketing exam, and opened the question paper.
In all these were three questions with 10 marks numerical each and I started solving with first question.
1st and 2nd question had TR, TC, MR, MC given…I had to calculate elasticity “n” and then draw some snail-alike curves such as economies of scale, economies of scope, average fixed cost, average variable cost etc. etc. etc.
“It’s TR=TC (1+ 1/n)..no…no”
“It should be MR=MC (1+1/n)…no…no”
“Probably it is TR=TC/(1+n)…no…no”
“Guess it is MR=MC/(1+1/n)…no…no,” I thought. I was damn confused!
Head had started spinning…I had forgotten the formulae to solve 2 fucking 10 mark questions.
Sweat on forehead was quite apparent…already had been to drink water thrice…and if I go again, butcher invigilator will make butter chicken of mine and eat inside the exam centre only!
“Anand, relax! Remember you are a great Economist. You have to do it. What would you tell Manmohan ji otherwise?” God knows what all I was talking to myself.
Finally, I counted Om Namah Shivay once, and as these were 3 words, I chose 3rd equation and solved 2 numericals of 10 marks each and went to drink water fourth time!
“Calculate producer surplus of the new market Walmart is entering,” read the 3rd question, which had given some etta, betta, theta, some equations, some random numbers and God knows what.
“What the hell is this Producer Surplus! I never read it,” guess I was the only one sweating in this damn cold air-conditioned basket ball court where our exam was being held!
“What a misery! I can’t even call Manmohan ji or Montek Singh Ahluwalia at this moment” I thought and started laughing. What else to do, only God knew what all I was thinking. What’s happening to me!
Everyone in the room was busy scratching their answer sheets and all I was doing was laughing.
I closed my eyes, chanted Om Namha shivay in closed eyes, opened my eyes, and picked first 5 maths numbers and first 2 equations I saw on opening my eyes.
“I would solve this numerical with only these numbers,” I told myself. If this question was stubborn to be tough, even I was stubborn to solve it with my chosen numbers and equations. Who knows it increases Wal-Mart’s producer-surplus in new market!
I managed to finish this question in next 3 minutes and winded up the answer sheet.
“Sir, answer sheet!” I offered my answer sheet to the butcher when it were just 30 minutes into the exam.
Butcher surprisingly looked at me as if I am giving him my marriage card invitation with his daughter but very generously accepted it, and I ran away before he finally made my butter chicken in exam centre!
**********************************************
“Hey mid-term grades are out. I got an A+” I excitingly told Tuple when met her outside the cafeteria. I was so happy wished could take her hand in my hands, but alas, desires are only desires!
“What did you get?” I curiously asked when she was merely gazing at a corner and tapping her fingers on table next to her.
No reply from her side!
“Even Swami and Veenugopal in our study group got A+. Our study group is the best study group,” I super-excitingly told Tuple, and had to forcefully bring my hands back from almost half-way when they were already on their way out to Tuple’s hands.
“So you A or A+ Miss Tuple,” I winked.
“D,” only alphabet she uttered and again starting gazing at some corner.
I was anyways wanting for an opportunity, and now immediately grabbed her hand in my hands. Nothing could be a safer moment than this!
Man! What a great moment it was…So here was Tuple who was D standing in front of Anand Malhotra A+…
“Now she would marry me,” I drooled. After months had got some good news.
“God, should have given her E or may be even F,” I complained to God. Greed has no limits dude!
“Hey, must be evaluation problem, we would file for re-evaluation or may be, we would study even harder for final terms. And I won’t listen to you now anymore, now we would study together all the times…All the times,” I leveraged the market opportunity like a domain-expert marketer repeating “all the times” making double-quotes in air twice just to make sure she didn’t have something else going on in her mind.
Tuple sounded well-entrapped. Even the idea of studying with Tuple "all the time" was arousing butterflies in my stomach...
I wiped her face expecting their would be some tears. Damn, there was none! Why this girl doesn’t cry, I had missed yet another chance of emotional soap opera with Tuple!
May be next time! I cursed myself for giving her this re-evaluation idea!
Tuple was tapping her fingers on the table and then the sound of tapping increased…increased…increased unless I realized it was my “Papa Kehte Hain” quadie knocking at my door making me wake up as had told him the previous night.
I woke up but still had that great feeling of Tuple always studying with me…all the time…and jumped off the day to hug “Papa kehte hain” quadie.
**********************************************************************8
“Hey mid-term grades are out. I got an A+,” Tuple told jumping and holding my arm in her both hands when she met me outside the cafeteria.
Don’t know why these girls have to jump when they are happy! And, does she want to tell me that our mid-term grades are out or that she has got an A+. You know these girls-say something else and mean something else!
“What did you get?” Tuple asked, she was still jumping.
No reply from my side!
I looked all around, many more girls were jumping in different parts of the hall, while guys had both their feet touching the ground like me.
“Even Swami and Veenugopal in our study group got A+. Our study group is the best study group,” Tuple excitedly told. This girl has got some energy, jumping for last 5 minutes.
“So you A or A+ Mr. Anand,” Tuple winked.
Since the time I have learnt alphabets, first time I wished E to come before A!
“E,” only alphabet I uttered and went back to gaze at some corner. My fingers were still tapping on the table next to me.
Jumping to the halt and hands off the arm!
“Oh aren’t we getting late for our Econ class? Let me grab some sandwich, see you in the class,” Tuple monotonously told and went off the scene. Girls in other corners had also stopped jumping and went for their sandwiches.
A, B, C, D were the villains between me and Tuple. Wished could change alphabets taught to us in kindergarten to E,D,C,B,A,G,H and so on…
Tuple won’t marry me now...
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Metamorphosis!!!!!
So came the much awaited weekend, they call it TGIF (Thank God, it’s Friday!). There was no lecture today, so it was kinda relaxed day. On top of that, if Friday morning at Hyderabad treats you with clouds, cool breeze, and dark sky, it’s like heavens down on the earth!
By the time day had started peaking in towards noon, it was getting even darker. It started with drizzle and quickly had started raining heavily! Scorching land of Hyderabad was spreading romantic aroma of wet soil all around. Fragrance of this soil was making me romantic enough and there couldn’t be a better timing to take my most expensive brand White Horse Scotch Whisky out on this very welcome Friday noon when someone knocked at my door! Who the hell could knock when it’s helluva torrent outside!
I opened the door to find a little child, must be around 8 years old peeping in, little nervous and very shy. And all he could do on seeing me was to bow and join both his hands in respect. And before I could even ask his identity, I saw his mom, the maid who cooks my food behind him.
Man, I could sacrifice my date with even the hottest chick in the campus in this violent downpour, and here’s this lady, who came all the way in this rain to cook my food and clean my utensils. Jesus!
“Come on Lakshmi Aunty, you didn’t have to come in this weather!” I admonished her. And on top of that, she had brought her son alongwith!
“And even if you had to come, then why with him?? What if he falls sick or gets fever? Who would be responsible for loss of his study???” Either it was White Horses running in my brain after having 2 patiala pegs or what, but I was damn serious and concerned about that kid. Probably because he was the only one who had bowed and joined hands to me in my entire lifetime…….and that’s what was making him special for me
Lakshmi Aunty gave back no response but put her head down as if wanting to say something but keeping within her heart. And I, not bothering much this time, headed to have my 3rd Patiala peg. White Horse Scotch is hotter than hottest chicks in cold weathers!
“What’s your name dude?” I asked the child in damn accented English as if speed networking with some batch mate.
And all I got in return was his usual head down with both hands clubbed.
“Which class you study in?” I asked having another sip of White Horse. Times Now was showing Breaking News on television that all charges against Tamil actress Khushboo for her pre-marital comments have been quashed.
He didn’t respond back.
“Ok, don’t tell me your class, tell me which school you go to?” I wanted to be friends with him but he didn’t’ respond to this too.
I put my hand on his chin to put his head up and to my wonder, I saw little tears in those eyes……they were like those small beautiful dew drops we see on flowers or wet grass…..but they weren’t looking any beautiful coming out of eyes of this lovely kid
His Mom (Lakshmi Aunty) kept watching while cooking chapatti on the cooking gas as if she was aware that his tears were anyways imminent at my questions. Her indifference to come forward to solace her son surprised me though but it looked like this wasn’t the first time she was facing this situation, so she apathetically kept changing sides of my chapatti while I was standing having my one hand on his chin and other hand carrying White Horse Scotch!
I immediately put my scotch somewhere away on the ground for this kid. This doesn’t happen very often that I care for someone else more than my scotch, but I wanted know what this is all about.
“What’s your name son?” I asked. My hands were automatically up wiping his tears with my palms.
“Anand,” a very sweet rhythmic voice answered. His hiccups were still on and his tears had started flowing on his cheeks now.
“Why are you crying beta?” I asked. I am sure he could figure out by now that I was a nice guy and was expressing my affection towards him.
“Won’t you tell your Uncle??” damn I was feeling so old calling myself Uncle, but what to do, this is bitter chronology that you become Uncle from Bhaiya with passage of time!
“I want to go to school….I want to study like you Uncle……Mumma tells me that all Uncles who study in this school become very big people……they get this much money,” anand told joyously expanding both his hands. “I will also earn this much money…..then my mumma won’t have to come far here in this rain to wash your utensils and cook your food…..Then she would cook for onlyyyyyyyyy meeeeee” Anand told innocently emphasizing on only and me. He was having a little smile on his face while saying this.
Anand had finished what all he had to say, but had put across me a very big open-ended question whose answer I had to explore now…..White Horse scotch kick had faded away in moments…..and whatever left was again those dew drops….only characters had changed…..Before I could realize, I had those moist eyes….Damn! there were tears in my eyes.
“Lakshmi aunty, why don’t you send Anand to school?” I scolded lakshmi aunty as if I had some right on Anand.
“Sir, I have got occupation in only your house. You 3 eat food cooked by my hands, 4th sir eats out in the cafeteria, and thus I earn 1800 rupees here. 3 other Sirs have given their laundry service to me, which earns me another 600 rupees. It’s very tough to sustain house for entire 1 month with mere 2400 rupees Sir,” Lakshmi revealed what I had never thought, and had ignorantly pierced heart of an innocent
child.
What I later found was that Lakshmi Aunty had 2 daughters and a son Anand with Anand being the oldest. Her husband is a laborer who earns 100 rupees a day. The combined income of the couple is approximately 5400 per month; hence they can’t afford the schooling of their kids in a big metropolis like Hyderabad. Ignorant of these realities, when Anand sees other children of his age going to school, he gets immensely hurt and sometimes his sorrows come out in the shape of tears. And every time his parents allure him with the promise of getting him a toy car which they never bring overburdened by their house rents and other daily expenses!
That’s why Lakshmi aunty was feeding me home-cooked food like to her son Anand, and who had this utmost need of money: to send her son to school, to make his dream of becoming a big man one day a reality so that his mom won’t have to come this far everyday to clean utensils and cook food for some unknown strangers just for the sake of money…..
Lakshmi aunty and Anand had left, but now I knew what I had to do. Anand had shown me the direction and I just had to implement like a trained manager (so called business-leader of future).
“Dude, was a great session,” my 4th flatmate Anuj told me as soon as he entered the flat from the same door where Anand was peeping some few hours ago.
“What was it about?” I asked without even looking at him as I was busy watching Times Now which was still showing news of Khushboo. Probably Khushboo hadn’t got as much airtime in her entire lifetime on national news channel as she had got today.
“It was a session on Social Entrepreneurship. Alums had come to speak about initiatives we can take to create social entrepreneurship opportunities…..We would start a mass movement on ground……and change the entire society and entire system,”
Anuj had enthusiasm in his voice.
“Then why not start from your own self dude?” I counter-questioned, and he, quite confused, stared at me.
“Dude, you talking about all these big big social entrepreneurial movements, the conclaves, the business competition ideas and God knows, what all else!!!...to bring change in the society and the system! Then why not start from your own self?” I knew what I was up to.
“What are you talking about? I am contesting for the president of this professional club to bring about social change in the societal strata of our system man.” Now, this is what people do. You tell them something blunt on their face, and they start coming out with their typical jargons to sound authentic, but this wasn’t gonna work today! Anand’s influence (and probably White horse) was still on!!
“You pay 6000 odd bucks for your meals at the cafeteria just for sake of little extra convenience! Why can’t you have your meals at the apartment paying those mere 600 bucks to Lakshmi Aunty??? It would just mean coming out little bit out of your comfort zone…..coz you would have to come back to your flat for your meals rather than in the campus. And it’s way cheap also dude!!” don’t know why but I just wanted to convince this guy. Those 600 bucks would mean a lot for Lakshmi Aunty and yes, for Anand also….
“Anuj, we all are future business leaders (big people in Anand’s words), we would create thousands of jobs in the industry once we go out of this institute. But why wait till then??? Can’t we make this unsaid rule in this campus today that we all would generate income for these maids giving them employment so that their children could study well????” damn I was being too theoretical (in business terminology), but guessed it was worth it!
“Anuj, if we have to start social entrepreneurship, then we have to start it right here…..right now……right in this campus….right with these maids for their children and families,” was my last ditch appeal.
“I will get back to you on this ,” Anuj said and left the room….Probably he wanted to contemplate on this or probably he wasn’t willing to get out of his comfort-zone…..
Anuj left the room, not sure when he will get back to me on this, or whether he would get back on this at all……Lakshmi Aunty must be busy finding work in some other blocks….while I was back on my statistics assignment, and every time sitting on my statistics assignment, one question was teasing me again and again:
Would Anand ever get to go to school...
By the time day had started peaking in towards noon, it was getting even darker. It started with drizzle and quickly had started raining heavily! Scorching land of Hyderabad was spreading romantic aroma of wet soil all around. Fragrance of this soil was making me romantic enough and there couldn’t be a better timing to take my most expensive brand White Horse Scotch Whisky out on this very welcome Friday noon when someone knocked at my door! Who the hell could knock when it’s helluva torrent outside!
I opened the door to find a little child, must be around 8 years old peeping in, little nervous and very shy. And all he could do on seeing me was to bow and join both his hands in respect. And before I could even ask his identity, I saw his mom, the maid who cooks my food behind him.
Man, I could sacrifice my date with even the hottest chick in the campus in this violent downpour, and here’s this lady, who came all the way in this rain to cook my food and clean my utensils. Jesus!
“Come on Lakshmi Aunty, you didn’t have to come in this weather!” I admonished her. And on top of that, she had brought her son alongwith!
“And even if you had to come, then why with him?? What if he falls sick or gets fever? Who would be responsible for loss of his study???” Either it was White Horses running in my brain after having 2 patiala pegs or what, but I was damn serious and concerned about that kid. Probably because he was the only one who had bowed and joined hands to me in my entire lifetime…….and that’s what was making him special for me
Lakshmi Aunty gave back no response but put her head down as if wanting to say something but keeping within her heart. And I, not bothering much this time, headed to have my 3rd Patiala peg. White Horse Scotch is hotter than hottest chicks in cold weathers!
“What’s your name dude?” I asked the child in damn accented English as if speed networking with some batch mate.
And all I got in return was his usual head down with both hands clubbed.
“Which class you study in?” I asked having another sip of White Horse. Times Now was showing Breaking News on television that all charges against Tamil actress Khushboo for her pre-marital comments have been quashed.
He didn’t respond back.
“Ok, don’t tell me your class, tell me which school you go to?” I wanted to be friends with him but he didn’t’ respond to this too.
I put my hand on his chin to put his head up and to my wonder, I saw little tears in those eyes……they were like those small beautiful dew drops we see on flowers or wet grass…..but they weren’t looking any beautiful coming out of eyes of this lovely kid
His Mom (Lakshmi Aunty) kept watching while cooking chapatti on the cooking gas as if she was aware that his tears were anyways imminent at my questions. Her indifference to come forward to solace her son surprised me though but it looked like this wasn’t the first time she was facing this situation, so she apathetically kept changing sides of my chapatti while I was standing having my one hand on his chin and other hand carrying White Horse Scotch!
I immediately put my scotch somewhere away on the ground for this kid. This doesn’t happen very often that I care for someone else more than my scotch, but I wanted know what this is all about.
“What’s your name son?” I asked. My hands were automatically up wiping his tears with my palms.
“Anand,” a very sweet rhythmic voice answered. His hiccups were still on and his tears had started flowing on his cheeks now.
“Why are you crying beta?” I asked. I am sure he could figure out by now that I was a nice guy and was expressing my affection towards him.
“Won’t you tell your Uncle??” damn I was feeling so old calling myself Uncle, but what to do, this is bitter chronology that you become Uncle from Bhaiya with passage of time!
“I want to go to school….I want to study like you Uncle……Mumma tells me that all Uncles who study in this school become very big people……they get this much money,” anand told joyously expanding both his hands. “I will also earn this much money…..then my mumma won’t have to come far here in this rain to wash your utensils and cook your food…..Then she would cook for onlyyyyyyyyy meeeeee” Anand told innocently emphasizing on only and me. He was having a little smile on his face while saying this.
Anand had finished what all he had to say, but had put across me a very big open-ended question whose answer I had to explore now…..White Horse scotch kick had faded away in moments…..and whatever left was again those dew drops….only characters had changed…..Before I could realize, I had those moist eyes….Damn! there were tears in my eyes.
“Lakshmi aunty, why don’t you send Anand to school?” I scolded lakshmi aunty as if I had some right on Anand.
“Sir, I have got occupation in only your house. You 3 eat food cooked by my hands, 4th sir eats out in the cafeteria, and thus I earn 1800 rupees here. 3 other Sirs have given their laundry service to me, which earns me another 600 rupees. It’s very tough to sustain house for entire 1 month with mere 2400 rupees Sir,” Lakshmi revealed what I had never thought, and had ignorantly pierced heart of an innocent
child.
What I later found was that Lakshmi Aunty had 2 daughters and a son Anand with Anand being the oldest. Her husband is a laborer who earns 100 rupees a day. The combined income of the couple is approximately 5400 per month; hence they can’t afford the schooling of their kids in a big metropolis like Hyderabad. Ignorant of these realities, when Anand sees other children of his age going to school, he gets immensely hurt and sometimes his sorrows come out in the shape of tears. And every time his parents allure him with the promise of getting him a toy car which they never bring overburdened by their house rents and other daily expenses!
That’s why Lakshmi aunty was feeding me home-cooked food like to her son Anand, and who had this utmost need of money: to send her son to school, to make his dream of becoming a big man one day a reality so that his mom won’t have to come this far everyday to clean utensils and cook food for some unknown strangers just for the sake of money…..
Lakshmi aunty and Anand had left, but now I knew what I had to do. Anand had shown me the direction and I just had to implement like a trained manager (so called business-leader of future).
“Dude, was a great session,” my 4th flatmate Anuj told me as soon as he entered the flat from the same door where Anand was peeping some few hours ago.
“What was it about?” I asked without even looking at him as I was busy watching Times Now which was still showing news of Khushboo. Probably Khushboo hadn’t got as much airtime in her entire lifetime on national news channel as she had got today.
“It was a session on Social Entrepreneurship. Alums had come to speak about initiatives we can take to create social entrepreneurship opportunities…..We would start a mass movement on ground……and change the entire society and entire system,”
Anuj had enthusiasm in his voice.
“Then why not start from your own self dude?” I counter-questioned, and he, quite confused, stared at me.
“Dude, you talking about all these big big social entrepreneurial movements, the conclaves, the business competition ideas and God knows, what all else!!!...to bring change in the society and the system! Then why not start from your own self?” I knew what I was up to.
“What are you talking about? I am contesting for the president of this professional club to bring about social change in the societal strata of our system man.” Now, this is what people do. You tell them something blunt on their face, and they start coming out with their typical jargons to sound authentic, but this wasn’t gonna work today! Anand’s influence (and probably White horse) was still on!!
“You pay 6000 odd bucks for your meals at the cafeteria just for sake of little extra convenience! Why can’t you have your meals at the apartment paying those mere 600 bucks to Lakshmi Aunty??? It would just mean coming out little bit out of your comfort zone…..coz you would have to come back to your flat for your meals rather than in the campus. And it’s way cheap also dude!!” don’t know why but I just wanted to convince this guy. Those 600 bucks would mean a lot for Lakshmi Aunty and yes, for Anand also….
“Anuj, we all are future business leaders (big people in Anand’s words), we would create thousands of jobs in the industry once we go out of this institute. But why wait till then??? Can’t we make this unsaid rule in this campus today that we all would generate income for these maids giving them employment so that their children could study well????” damn I was being too theoretical (in business terminology), but guessed it was worth it!
“Anuj, if we have to start social entrepreneurship, then we have to start it right here…..right now……right in this campus….right with these maids for their children and families,” was my last ditch appeal.
“I will get back to you on this ,” Anuj said and left the room….Probably he wanted to contemplate on this or probably he wasn’t willing to get out of his comfort-zone…..
Anuj left the room, not sure when he will get back to me on this, or whether he would get back on this at all……Lakshmi Aunty must be busy finding work in some other blocks….while I was back on my statistics assignment, and every time sitting on my statistics assignment, one question was teasing me again and again:
Would Anand ever get to go to school...
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Sneaking into a b-school (Part-2)
“Today would walk you through the most important application of business statistics,” stats prof stared at me and announced in the class. As he was gazing at me, I had no choice but to nod, which I did like an ideal minion. Don’t know why this guy keeps staring at me every 5 minutes when there are so many hot chicks in the class!
“Probability!!!” prof excitingly shrieked as if he was revealing name of some newly released movie of Pamela Anderson.
“Probability is not a science, it’s an art….an art of science.” Prof told again gazing at me and got my inaugurating 20 second yawn in return. Gosh, why can’t these yawns wait! Girls were busy jotting down this doctrine of probability being an art of science in their notes. Girl sitting next to me had finished half her newly purchased notebook by the end of this lecture.
“Probability is the most significant tool to figure out which hospital patient to be taken to in emergencies.” And prof came up with some weird figure like this:
“Probability calculates the Area of Survival for the patient. If patient lies somewhere in this red area, patient could survive,” Prof promulgated.
Now this is cool! Patient is dying of severe cardiac arrest and needs emergency support, but rather than taking him to hospital immediately, all you have to do is take a plain paper and pen to draw this kinda weird probability curve to figure out whether it’s worth wasting Petrol of your car to take patient to hospital or let him die peacefully at home only.
I wish I could understand this probability concept to figure out whether should propose Tuple (or Toopli or Toopla or God knows what) to marry me drawing our love curve on X-Y axis
Girl next to me was busy drawing this figure in her notebook when I saw Tuple sitting in my opposite row, butterfly clip in her hair…not sure to tie her hair or symbolize her membership of butterfly club. Discussion about probability in the class ended with my last 20 seconds yawn!
************************************************************************
“Hey cool! We are in same section!!!,” I euphorically told Tuple when met her outside after Probability class.
She looked me top to bottom as if saying what’s so cool in this.
“Coffee?” I tried carrying the conversation on.
“Oh thanks, but sorry actually!! I gotta go, we planning tonight’s bollywood party!! Why don’t we meet there tonight,” she said and left even before I could say yes or no. Who cares to know my answer!
******************************************************************
“Hiiii,” I somehow made my way out of 20 odd standing people to reach Tuple to say her Hi.
“Oh Hi! What’s your name?” Tuple responded, which was cold enough to moist my eyes. Damn, she doesn’t even know my name. Ok guys, point taken that I don’t know whether to call her Toopla or Toopli or Toopl, but at least I know she is one of these.
“You can call me Anand.”
“Hot name!!” tuple gave me the compliment. I wish I could also say she’s hot.
“Anand, do you drink?” tuple asked me outright.
“I……I……Yes……I mean Yes I do,” I said when simple answer was “I don’t”. Man, I had never ever touched damn beer in my life and here’s I had this kingfisher superstrong in my hand.
“What do you like-beer or wine?” Tuple asked. At least she was talking to me.
“Hahaa…..you kidding me!! Beer….Hahaa…Wine….Hahaa……give me some whisky ya!!” don’t know what made me utter this out….Looked like kingfisher superstrong in my hand was showing its magic.
“Wow!!” Tuple appreciated me for first time in my/her lifetime. “That’s like a man!” she overpraised and put her hand on my wrist.
“Beer..Veer and Rum..Vum are all girly drinks…..not for men….Give us something real yaar…..some neat vodka….some tequila….some hardcore whisky yaar,” I was hitting fours and sixers all over this bollywood party. 15 seconds, her hand was still on my wrist. God, halt this time, stop the wind, stop the directions, stop the damn solar system.
“Last time I had beer when I was some 14-15 years ya….but then I quit it….now only whisky!!” I was being a full-swing braggart now. 30 seconds, her hand is still on my wrist!
“Here you go!!” same guy who had hugged my Tuple the other day brought the full bottle of blended scotch whiskey “White Horse”. I wish I had realized while hitting those fours and sixers that damn whiskey would come in reality right here…inside this lounge….in this bollywood party.
“It’s blended whiskey…..much much better than those single malts….hope you like it,” that guy told taking kingfisher off my hands. Bastard had also removed Tuple’s hand off my wrist.
And before I could think of yet another excuse of not inhaling White Horse, I had this super strong Patiala Peg of White Horse in my hands. And before I could realize, I had gutted in entire glass in one shot.
Tuple looked at me in utmost surprise, her hand back on my wrist again.
Second Patiala Peg!
Third Patiala Peg!
Fourth Patiala Peg! All gutted in one shots.
“Anand…Anand….Anand…..” girls had surrounded me all around……..If it weren’t a
party, I would have doubted my gangrape.
“Bring more……..what will happen with damn only 4 pegs,” I shouted.
Fifth peg!
“hic. Tuple, why is there butterfly in your hair?” I asked.
“Funny! This is not butterfly! This is a clip…butterfly clip to keep my hair tied,” Tuple answered.
“But why is this butterfly flying. hic?” I questioned. Guess White horse had started somersaulting inside my body.
“Flying!!!” Tuple wondered.
“Why are you revolving round and round,” I again questioned.
“Revolving!!” Tuple in utmost surprise.
“Why is sky coming down?? hic”
“Why am I standing on my head?”
“Why are you throwing me from the mountain Toopli?” Gosh I pronounced her Toopli.
10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1….there was a big sound on the ground….and my nose was touching the dance floor.
DJ started playing “I have become Comfortably Numb” by Pink Floyd in the background….
******************************************************************************
“Take the sample and infer about the population,” Stats class gave the sermon. Tuple and me were sitting in the same class, on top of that I had got to know we both are in same study group. God, how would I face her after that knock-down on the floor last night!!
“Anand, give me an example of sample,” Prof hinted at me when I was in my own Alice-the-wonderland cursing White Horse scotch. Why this guy has to prod me every 5 minutes.
“Me…..me…..I……Sir…..Prof……,” say something more than that, I requested me. And every time I was opening my mouth, Prof was shaking his head speedily in optimism that at least this time something useful would come out of my mouth, but all I was uttering out was this Me, me, I, Sir, and Prof!
“Marriage?” immediately came out of my mouth.
“Hell with you”, looked like Prof said in his mouth.
“What!!! Marriage, did you say???” Prof wondered, his upper jaw at the uppermost peak, lower jaw at the lowest trough. If I had the mean of his mouth, I could easily figure out that Standard Deviation of his mouth had increased because his jaws had separated the most!
Everyone in the class stared at me. 30 hands were already up by now to negate me. Tuple (or Toople or Toopla or God knows what) looked at me ad nauseam as if wondering why the hell she put her hand on my wrist for 30 continuous seconds the last night.
“Can you explain it please Mr. Anand,” Prof almost urged me. He also wanted to know the real time application of this sample and population!
“Sir, before we marry a girl, we get to meet her only once or twice in an arranged marriage. So, this is our sample ‘S’. And based on this sample meetings ‘S’, we infer whether she would be a good wife for life or not, which is our population ‘P’ ”, I revealed the thesis for which at least I thought I should be awarded PhD in Statistics.
30 hands were up again, while Tuple (or Toople or Toopla or God knows what) was cursing her fate being in my study group. I wanted ask her who brought me room after my yesterday’s rendezvous with ground at dance floor.
******************************************
“Do participate in my class, it contains 30%,” Prof winked and kick-started our Mergers & Acquisitions class.
“So M&A is the crux of business expansion,” Prof had just said and 30 hands were up in the air.
Prof looked all around surprised, bewildered, and confused.
“What the hell!!!” he gestured like saying and allowed one student to ask the question.
“Sir, is M&A the best way of business expansion?” someone somehow framed a question and looked at the academic assistant as if saying “Dude, note down my name. I have already asked one!!” when assistant gave him a damn refuting look!
“M&A is the industry standard adopted for business expansion,” one answered and looked at academic assistant…and on getting the positive silent nod from the assistant, sat back complacently.
“M&A is risky for business expansion,” second one answered and stealthily looked at the assistant. Who cares look at the Professor! Assistant ignored him to look in the other direction. “I will try again,” second one promised to himself.
“M&A demands knowledge of culture, politics, economy of the company we are acquiring,” third one attempted and ditto, looks at the assistant but to no avail!
30 hands are still up. When someone starts speaking, these hands go down, and as soon as he finishes, these hands go up again, until academic assistant gives them a complacent look suggesting their names have been noted down in today’s ledger book, so they can walkout now. And this cycle continues
Finally Prof interrupted the class, and started his lecture on M&A which he had crammed the previous night. Pop M&A XXXI was in motion delivering his sermon!
“Stephanie Mcmohan is hot. But why the hell she married Triple H, when that bastard beats up her brother Shane and father Vince Mcmohan every Thursday night in smack down. Curt Angle is cool and he loves Stephanie Mcmohan, then why the hell she doesn’t give much room to Curt?” What am I thinking man…M&A lecture is on and is that all I have to think!! I was wondering……Focus Anand focus.
“What if I graduate in Dean’s list?” I was back in my dreamland, “Mckinsey!!! BCG!!! Big bungalow, BMW car (No no, I won’t buy BMW…I would buy Pajero…I know it’s not as lavish as BMW, but I like Pajero, I was talking to myself), swimming pool in my bungalow, beautiful wife (ok, she can have this BMW if she wants but I won’t let her touch my Pajero), automatic revolver, hot girlfriend….Girlfriend!!!! My thoughts had come to a halt.
“If I make a girlfriend, who would I go out for movie with??” I thought.
“Mergers & Acquisitions, as they say, reflect the zeal and vigor of aspirations of leaders of the industry. Now Anand would tell me who is a good business leader-one going for M&A or the one without it,” Prof told the class, when I was in my own thoughts.
“I can’t go with my girlfriend for movies over the weekend, so over the weekend I would go with my wife, and during weekdays, can go for late night shows with my girlfriend,” I was busy.
“Anand, tell us who would you consider a better business leader??” Prof repeated, and person sitting next to be elbowed me.
“Tell me Anand,” Prof shouted………..
“Sir, over the weekend with wife and over the weekdays with hot girlfriend for late night movies…this way my wife won’t doubt me,” I uttered out in single breath.What the fuck did I just utter out in middle of the class Man!!
Tuple stared at me from under her butterfly clip and the Prof from under his high powered specs, and entire class was damn numb!
10 seconds of complete silence in class……Prof’s mouth’s standard deviation as equal to the Stats Prof’s mouth’s Standard deviation of yesterday…
“That’s not merger….That’s only acquisitions,” Prof guffawed and then entire class guffawed, then Tuple guffawed.........and then last, poor me guffawed!
Lecture finished and Tuple (or Toopla or Toopli or God knows what) gave me a young-angry-woman look and left for her student village.
I wish I could tell Tuple that I love her more than anyone else has ever loved, is loving, or would ever love anyone!
“Probability!!!” prof excitingly shrieked as if he was revealing name of some newly released movie of Pamela Anderson.
“Probability is not a science, it’s an art….an art of science.” Prof told again gazing at me and got my inaugurating 20 second yawn in return. Gosh, why can’t these yawns wait! Girls were busy jotting down this doctrine of probability being an art of science in their notes. Girl sitting next to me had finished half her newly purchased notebook by the end of this lecture.
“Probability is the most significant tool to figure out which hospital patient to be taken to in emergencies.” And prof came up with some weird figure like this:
“Probability calculates the Area of Survival for the patient. If patient lies somewhere in this red area, patient could survive,” Prof promulgated.
Now this is cool! Patient is dying of severe cardiac arrest and needs emergency support, but rather than taking him to hospital immediately, all you have to do is take a plain paper and pen to draw this kinda weird probability curve to figure out whether it’s worth wasting Petrol of your car to take patient to hospital or let him die peacefully at home only.
I wish I could understand this probability concept to figure out whether should propose Tuple (or Toopli or Toopla or God knows what) to marry me drawing our love curve on X-Y axis
Girl next to me was busy drawing this figure in her notebook when I saw Tuple sitting in my opposite row, butterfly clip in her hair…not sure to tie her hair or symbolize her membership of butterfly club. Discussion about probability in the class ended with my last 20 seconds yawn!
************************************************************************
“Hey cool! We are in same section!!!,” I euphorically told Tuple when met her outside after Probability class.
She looked me top to bottom as if saying what’s so cool in this.
“Coffee?” I tried carrying the conversation on.
“Oh thanks, but sorry actually!! I gotta go, we planning tonight’s bollywood party!! Why don’t we meet there tonight,” she said and left even before I could say yes or no. Who cares to know my answer!
******************************************************************
“Hiiii,” I somehow made my way out of 20 odd standing people to reach Tuple to say her Hi.
“Oh Hi! What’s your name?” Tuple responded, which was cold enough to moist my eyes. Damn, she doesn’t even know my name. Ok guys, point taken that I don’t know whether to call her Toopla or Toopli or Toopl, but at least I know she is one of these.
“You can call me Anand.”
“Hot name!!” tuple gave me the compliment. I wish I could also say she’s hot.
“Anand, do you drink?” tuple asked me outright.
“I……I……Yes……I mean Yes I do,” I said when simple answer was “I don’t”. Man, I had never ever touched damn beer in my life and here’s I had this kingfisher superstrong in my hand.
“What do you like-beer or wine?” Tuple asked. At least she was talking to me.
“Hahaa…..you kidding me!! Beer….Hahaa…Wine….Hahaa……give me some whisky ya!!” don’t know what made me utter this out….Looked like kingfisher superstrong in my hand was showing its magic.
“Wow!!” Tuple appreciated me for first time in my/her lifetime. “That’s like a man!” she overpraised and put her hand on my wrist.
“Beer..Veer and Rum..Vum are all girly drinks…..not for men….Give us something real yaar…..some neat vodka….some tequila….some hardcore whisky yaar,” I was hitting fours and sixers all over this bollywood party. 15 seconds, her hand was still on my wrist. God, halt this time, stop the wind, stop the directions, stop the damn solar system.
“Last time I had beer when I was some 14-15 years ya….but then I quit it….now only whisky!!” I was being a full-swing braggart now. 30 seconds, her hand is still on my wrist!
“Here you go!!” same guy who had hugged my Tuple the other day brought the full bottle of blended scotch whiskey “White Horse”. I wish I had realized while hitting those fours and sixers that damn whiskey would come in reality right here…inside this lounge….in this bollywood party.
“It’s blended whiskey…..much much better than those single malts….hope you like it,” that guy told taking kingfisher off my hands. Bastard had also removed Tuple’s hand off my wrist.
And before I could think of yet another excuse of not inhaling White Horse, I had this super strong Patiala Peg of White Horse in my hands. And before I could realize, I had gutted in entire glass in one shot.
Tuple looked at me in utmost surprise, her hand back on my wrist again.
Second Patiala Peg!
Third Patiala Peg!
Fourth Patiala Peg! All gutted in one shots.
“Anand…Anand….Anand…..” girls had surrounded me all around……..If it weren’t a
party, I would have doubted my gangrape.
“Bring more……..what will happen with damn only 4 pegs,” I shouted.
Fifth peg!
“hic. Tuple, why is there butterfly in your hair?” I asked.
“Funny! This is not butterfly! This is a clip…butterfly clip to keep my hair tied,” Tuple answered.
“But why is this butterfly flying. hic?” I questioned. Guess White horse had started somersaulting inside my body.
“Flying!!!” Tuple wondered.
“Why are you revolving round and round,” I again questioned.
“Revolving!!” Tuple in utmost surprise.
“Why is sky coming down?? hic”
“Why am I standing on my head?”
“Why are you throwing me from the mountain Toopli?” Gosh I pronounced her Toopli.
10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1….there was a big sound on the ground….and my nose was touching the dance floor.
DJ started playing “I have become Comfortably Numb” by Pink Floyd in the background….
******************************************************************************
“Take the sample and infer about the population,” Stats class gave the sermon. Tuple and me were sitting in the same class, on top of that I had got to know we both are in same study group. God, how would I face her after that knock-down on the floor last night!!
“Anand, give me an example of sample,” Prof hinted at me when I was in my own Alice-the-wonderland cursing White Horse scotch. Why this guy has to prod me every 5 minutes.
“Me…..me…..I……Sir…..Prof……,” say something more than that, I requested me. And every time I was opening my mouth, Prof was shaking his head speedily in optimism that at least this time something useful would come out of my mouth, but all I was uttering out was this Me, me, I, Sir, and Prof!
“Marriage?” immediately came out of my mouth.
“Hell with you”, looked like Prof said in his mouth.
“What!!! Marriage, did you say???” Prof wondered, his upper jaw at the uppermost peak, lower jaw at the lowest trough. If I had the mean of his mouth, I could easily figure out that Standard Deviation of his mouth had increased because his jaws had separated the most!
Everyone in the class stared at me. 30 hands were already up by now to negate me. Tuple (or Toople or Toopla or God knows what) looked at me ad nauseam as if wondering why the hell she put her hand on my wrist for 30 continuous seconds the last night.
“Can you explain it please Mr. Anand,” Prof almost urged me. He also wanted to know the real time application of this sample and population!
“Sir, before we marry a girl, we get to meet her only once or twice in an arranged marriage. So, this is our sample ‘S’. And based on this sample meetings ‘S’, we infer whether she would be a good wife for life or not, which is our population ‘P’ ”, I revealed the thesis for which at least I thought I should be awarded PhD in Statistics.
30 hands were up again, while Tuple (or Toople or Toopla or God knows what) was cursing her fate being in my study group. I wanted ask her who brought me room after my yesterday’s rendezvous with ground at dance floor.
******************************************
“Do participate in my class, it contains 30%,” Prof winked and kick-started our Mergers & Acquisitions class.
“So M&A is the crux of business expansion,” Prof had just said and 30 hands were up in the air.
Prof looked all around surprised, bewildered, and confused.
“What the hell!!!” he gestured like saying and allowed one student to ask the question.
“Sir, is M&A the best way of business expansion?” someone somehow framed a question and looked at the academic assistant as if saying “Dude, note down my name. I have already asked one!!” when assistant gave him a damn refuting look!
“M&A is the industry standard adopted for business expansion,” one answered and looked at academic assistant…and on getting the positive silent nod from the assistant, sat back complacently.
“M&A is risky for business expansion,” second one answered and stealthily looked at the assistant. Who cares look at the Professor! Assistant ignored him to look in the other direction. “I will try again,” second one promised to himself.
“M&A demands knowledge of culture, politics, economy of the company we are acquiring,” third one attempted and ditto, looks at the assistant but to no avail!
30 hands are still up. When someone starts speaking, these hands go down, and as soon as he finishes, these hands go up again, until academic assistant gives them a complacent look suggesting their names have been noted down in today’s ledger book, so they can walkout now. And this cycle continues
Finally Prof interrupted the class, and started his lecture on M&A which he had crammed the previous night. Pop M&A XXXI was in motion delivering his sermon!
“Stephanie Mcmohan is hot. But why the hell she married Triple H, when that bastard beats up her brother Shane and father Vince Mcmohan every Thursday night in smack down. Curt Angle is cool and he loves Stephanie Mcmohan, then why the hell she doesn’t give much room to Curt?” What am I thinking man…M&A lecture is on and is that all I have to think!! I was wondering……Focus Anand focus.
“What if I graduate in Dean’s list?” I was back in my dreamland, “Mckinsey!!! BCG!!! Big bungalow, BMW car (No no, I won’t buy BMW…I would buy Pajero…I know it’s not as lavish as BMW, but I like Pajero, I was talking to myself), swimming pool in my bungalow, beautiful wife (ok, she can have this BMW if she wants but I won’t let her touch my Pajero), automatic revolver, hot girlfriend….Girlfriend!!!! My thoughts had come to a halt.
“If I make a girlfriend, who would I go out for movie with??” I thought.
“Mergers & Acquisitions, as they say, reflect the zeal and vigor of aspirations of leaders of the industry. Now Anand would tell me who is a good business leader-one going for M&A or the one without it,” Prof told the class, when I was in my own thoughts.
“I can’t go with my girlfriend for movies over the weekend, so over the weekend I would go with my wife, and during weekdays, can go for late night shows with my girlfriend,” I was busy.
“Anand, tell us who would you consider a better business leader??” Prof repeated, and person sitting next to be elbowed me.
“Tell me Anand,” Prof shouted………..
“Sir, over the weekend with wife and over the weekdays with hot girlfriend for late night movies…this way my wife won’t doubt me,” I uttered out in single breath.What the fuck did I just utter out in middle of the class Man!!
Tuple stared at me from under her butterfly clip and the Prof from under his high powered specs, and entire class was damn numb!
10 seconds of complete silence in class……Prof’s mouth’s standard deviation as equal to the Stats Prof’s mouth’s Standard deviation of yesterday…
“That’s not merger….That’s only acquisitions,” Prof guffawed and then entire class guffawed, then Tuple guffawed.........and then last, poor me guffawed!
Lecture finished and Tuple (or Toopla or Toopli or God knows what) gave me a young-angry-woman look and left for her student village.
I wish I could tell Tuple that I love her more than anyone else has ever loved, is loving, or would ever love anyone!
Friday, April 23, 2010
Sneaking into a b-school!
“Are you a new student?,” housekeeping asked me as soon as I reached admin block of the hostel I was assigned.
I was carrying 2 trolley bags in both my hands, one laptop bag around one shoulder, one carry bag on the other shoulder, and one last bag was proving murderous as had its string throttling my neck taking my eye marbles out, and this person was asking me was I a student! This is what happens when people go by your faces. I mean what else was I supposed to be-a coolie, a salesman, an Al Qaida terrorist or what!
“Yes, I am a new student,” I answered monotonously.
“Are you here to take a room?” came the next one.
“What the HELL,” I wanted say, but the bag throttling my throat didn’t let voice utter out. What else would one do on this odd Saturday early morning coming directly with luggage to the admin block in hostel, that too when a new session is starting!
“Yes,” was my yet another monotonous response.
“Show me printout of mail of your room allocation,” asked the Human resource head (housekeeping guy) of this hostel in an investigation mode. James Bond 007 was on job.
He wasn’t looking secret agent James Bond 007 from all angles I saw him. James Bond doesn’t have any beard or even a mouse moustache, and this guy had this entire forest grown on his face. Then James Bond doesn’t suffer from myopia or hyperopia, but this guy was sure to miss even the hottest chick in the campus without his high-powered lenses.
“Excuse me Sir! Can I see your room allocation mail proof,” confused secret agent 007 interrupted me in my thought process.
“Oh, I am so sorry! I don’t have the printout,” I replied as no such mail had ever come that we had to bring the printout of our room allocation mail with us.
“What!!! You don’t have the printout,” he shouted surprisingly as if I had just stitched the patient’s abdomen and forgotten the scissors in.
“No,” was my yet another monotonous one. Mercury was rising both in the head inside and the weather outside.
Few moments of pause, and this Barack Obama, the busiest person of the world, kept staring in some remote corner contemplating, God knows what!
“Ok, I allow you into the room, but on one condition: I have generated a google spreadsheet for people who haven’t submitted the mail printout, will send you the link to fill it up, and on your filling up the sheet, would confirm about you guys from the school admin,” he said widening his chest and laying his back on the chair, as he was doing some great favor to me providing asylum to this nomadic refugee.
“Class 2011, Tonight is the Welcome party. Just for Youuuu,” graduating batch representative almost shrieked his lungs out in the campus corridor, one hand going high in the air, other hand on the microphone, putting extra emphasis on Youuuu as if he was throwing us a party himself, being so happy seeing us all on campus.
Birds-pigeons and sparrows- going back homes after their hectic dayouts, scaringly scattered in the sky, wondering at the happiness of this school alum.
“But one thing guys!!” the alum tried creating curiosity, his mouth half-open, eyes sparkling, few moustache hair in the mouth.
“We need to estimate how much liquor to order, so I have sent you all a google spreadsheet. Please fill up the link so that we could know who all are attending the party,” came the sermon to fill yet another google spreadhsheet, while we came back to hostels waiting for evening welcome party or for free beer (to be more precise)
“Class 2011, welcome to the party, DJ vendor promulgated at the party lounge.
“Hey!! Hurray!! Hooo!!” all kinds of voices which would make even owls and bats envious echoed in the air!
Some incomprehensible English songs were being played, and everyone was trying dance hard on this English music to sound neo.
Every time there was some Hindi or Punjabi song on-play, these neophyte girls were going off the floor, waiting way back for this incomprehensible English music to commence. Alum 2010 representative was busy guzzling free beer sitting in some random corner in the lounge, while his pigeons and Sparrows were already home sleeping, notwithstanding extreme happiness of this alum.
“I can’t live without Pink Floyd! Oh my God, they are so rocking!!,” one girl just yelled sprinkling her hands as if she personally knew many of them, so can’t live without their company anymore. Anyways!
“Enrique is way better than Floyd,” another girl, 3/4th bottle of perfume, ½ lipstick, 2/3rd bottle of mascara, 2/3rd of eyeliner, sunglasses on her head (for God knows what at 11 at night), and full bottle of face powder on herself, countered. Even the owls and pigeons sleeping at their houses were sneezing smelling these acute fragrances.
Now, this is the beauty with girls. Notwithstanding they are in a fine-arts school or a business school, when girls talk to each other, they never reach this word called “consensus”. “My viewpoint is better than yours” is their approach, that’s it!
And for guys, then they have to decide whose viewpoint they agree with based on which girl they want to hang out with! And that’s why these ¾th bottle of perfume, ½ lipstick, 2/3rd bottle mascara, 2/3rd of eyeliner, and full bottle of face powder.
“But Enrique is light rock. He is no good. Floyd is hardrock,” said the first one again. How could she agree to what the other girl said..Remember the “consensus” word?
Pissed off, second girl went off the scene, and finding the Floyd girl standing alone, I sneakingly joined her.
“Hi,” I said and before she could understand a bit, I was shaking her hand. Now this is another beauty of an elite b-school. You can sureshot take the hand of any girl in your hand and rest assured you are not gonna get a permanent stamp on your cheek. You know the so-called speed-networking!
“Nice Party, but I miss Floyd here,” here’s how I started conversation and could see the missing sparkle returning in her eyes.
Man, sometimes sneaking into conversations of girls helps! And here I was, the fan of Pink Floyd who didn’t even know whether Pink Floyd is a Mexican dish or some Pizza brand.
“I can’t live without Pink Floyd! Oh my God, they are so rocking!!,” she yelled same dialogue again sprinkling her hands in air in same posture. I had hit damn at the target!
“Even I can’t live without Floyd! The day I don’t listen to them, I feel something missing…as if something is incomplete….are you understanding? I asked her, while I was wondering I could damn understand myself what did I mean!
“Yeah, I mean yes…..I can completely empathize with what you mean….I can’t even sleep without Floyd,” she replied. She was getting into subtleties of Floyd, which implied high-time I change the topic lest she should figure out the real me asking me which damn album of Floyd I like the most!
“What’s your name,” I attempted to change the topic.
“Tuple,” she said extending her right hand again.
What the HELL…Now this is my grudge with parents. What the hell they name their children just to sound unique. Now how was it supposed to be pronounced-Toopl or Toopli or Toople or Tapli or Taple or Tapl…
Apparently, I knew I won’t be able to pronounce it, so I refrained from asking how to pronounce and gratified myself with just taking her hand in my hand.
“From States?,” asked she. Who cares to ask my name!
“No, I mean no….I am…..I am from……I am from Kumaon,” damn why the hell do I come from Kumaon!
She felt nauseas! Hell she shouldn’t puke!
Right hand taken back from my right hand
“I was in Canada. I stayed there for around 2 years,” I tried do some damage-control!
Right hand back in my right hand
“So, you are a Canadian citizen,” she excitingly asked
“No,” was my monotonous reply. Jesus, this was my 2nd interview since morning when I had met the secret agent 007, and all I was doing were these monotonous responses.
I saw damn in the dark, the alum representative was busy guzzling his stock of beer. I glanced around. The other girl was busy telling someone else that Enrique is better, at a corner I could see some new admits fighting with the DJ vendor to play some comprehensible music, and somewhere alums were telling new admits they couldn’t take free beer as they hadn’t filled the google spreadsheet!
Right hand taken back from my right hand
“I am a trained classical kathak dancer,” I bragged.
Bad attempt!
“mmmm…..I play harmonium and table very well,” was yet another one.
Another bad one. She looked disgusted!
“Hey man! I gotta go,” she pretended yawn. “I am so tired, I need take some sleep…Nice meeting you…see you around, she touched my right arm one last time and left. I kept watching her putting my left hand on my right arm where she had touched me, before I came back myself to read this Pink floy in Wikipedia myself!
“Guys! Congratulations on successful completion of your 0-week orientation,” same alum representative promulgated from the dais. And as this was not open-air amphitheatre, sparrows and pigeons were fine wherever they were.
“Wish you good luck and prepare yourself well for the pre-terms and club formations,” wished the alum. I wanted wish him luck too for his job search!
Dear Friends,
As I have known after my interactions with many of you, we have so many colleagues amongst us interested to know more about crocodiles. To pursue our interest in crocodiles, I am hereby attaching a google spreadsheet. Please fill this spreadsheet with your names, species of crocodiles you know about, your face-to-face with crocodiles etc. Please fill this spreadsheet before tomorrow evening so that we could have our first informal session held.
http://spreadsheets.google.com/viewform?formkey=dGN2MXpXUXh4ZGFrZUdfdfdfrZUE6MQ
Warm regards,
P K Gire.
Class of 2011
I Received this mail on pre-eve of commencement of pre-terms. I opened the google spreadsheet, filled it and left for dinner.
Hey Girls,
We have so many clubs here in the campus, both professional and social. But there’s no club for girls interested to catch butterflies. All our childhood, we have loved butterflies, why don’t we like-minded girls come together and share our experiences/knowledge/skillset of butterflies. I have come up with this google spreadsheet, please fill this spreadsheet before this Saturday evening, so that we can have our first informal meeting of yet-to-be-formed Butterfly club in the campus.
http://spreadsheets.google.com/viewform?formkey=dGN2MXpXUXh4ZGFrZUdfdfdfrZUE6MQ
Cheers,
Pinky
Brothers,
There’s so much happening around in the campus. People are already attending informal sessions for professional clubs, social clubs and sports clubs. People have also taken initiatives to start Crocodile clubs and Butterfly clubs. But in sports, we don’t have any Kites and Marbles club. We have got clubs for all English games viz. golf, cricket, soccer, snooker, but don’t have any club for home-based games. I have attached a google spreadsheet here. Please fill this google spreadsheet and let’s have our informal session to make Kites and Marbles club a formal social club in the campus
http://spreadsheets.google.com/viewform?formkey=dGN2MXpXUXh4ZGFrZUdfdfdfrZUE6MQ
Wishes,
Rajwinder Singh
Damn, we had crocodile club, butterfly club, Kites and Marbles club, Bathing club, laundry club, Bhojpuri cinema club, 1411 Tigers club in making. Rivalry between who’s better-Tulsidas or Kalidas had led to the making of 2 more poetry clubs: Tulsidas club and Kalidas club.
Then , by now we had got informal meetings done for Capri v/s shorts club, Jeans v/s pajama club, nails cut v/s nails grown club, ghosts exist v/s ghosts-don’t-exist club, kasab from Pakistan v/s kasab not a Pakistani club, lalit modi in v/s lalit modi out club, cow milk v/s buffalo milk club, mango v/s apple club, tang v/s juice club, facebook v/s orkut club, google v/s bing club, blackberry v/s i-phone club, twitter v/s buzz club, and yes, my favorite, Floyd v/s Enrique club.
Needless to say, there were google spreadsheets for all these clubs which like-minded people had to fill in before end of some day……….and as a trained management student, I filled all of these google spreadsheets.
Floyd!! This reminded me of Tuple, whom I hadn’t seen/met for last 2 weeks now.
“Oh Hi! How’ve you been?” I encountered Tuple in one of the club meetings. I was coming out of ‘Bhojpuri Cinema club’ while she was coming from Butterfly club.
“Where are you coming from?” came a cold question. This is the first time she had met me in all these 2 weeks and all she had to ask was where was I coming from, and that too when I was out of this damn Bhojpuri Cinema club.
Jesus! There were myriad clubs in the campus, and all I could choose to go in was this Bhojpuri Cinema club! And then on top of that, I had to encounter Tuple the day I had to attend the informal meet of this Bhojpuri club.
“I…….I am……I am coming……I am coming from…,” God open the ground or split the sky, but do something before I have to utter “Bhojpuri.
“Hey Tuple! Long time,” a tall, handsome guy hugged Tuple as soon as he entered the scene. I was feeling bad on him hugging her, but don’t know why I was so happy at this intervention of God by sending him at the right time, though at the expense of him hugging my Tuple!
“Heyyyyyy!” see how enthusiastically she greeted him! I was already out of conversation, or I should say, I was already made to stand out of their conversation, and was standing there just as a mute spectator while they were busy conversing with each other.
“Where were you all these days? Have no time for friends!!” Tuple sulked to him. Her sulking reminded me of old south Indian movies where actress used to punch hero’s chest with both her hands frequently to show her sulking.
“Hey, you know I went to the city today for shopping stuff,” this guy told in his broad European accent.
“What did you buy?” Tuple quickly asked.
All these days, all she had asked me was where do I belong to and where am I coming from. She never asked me these not-so-significant questions, and here she was going all the way out to ask these t
“I bought two kinds of Papaya, two kinds of ranch sauce, one big Orange, one big apple, one box of proteins, brown wheat bread,” the guy revealed the mystery of creation of universe, in his broad European accent, making double quotes in air with fingers of both hands as he enumerated all the items he bought.
“Yayyyyyyyy!!!” Tuple shouted making fists of both her hands in air.
“How sweet! Two kinds of Papaya!! Oh my God! Yayyyy!!” Tuple was unrestrained now.
This is where smart guys earn those brownie points. Girls like listen to hunky-funky stuff, so tambola, harmonium, kathak don’t mesmerize them enough unlike box of proteins, two kinds of papaya, ranch sauce, and yes one big orange…damn it!! real-life lessons learnt at the b-school!
And as I couldn’t handle their over-the-board conversation, I left the place…Also I didn’t want Tuple to ask me again where was I coming from!
“Fall in love with Data! Data is your only friends. Girls would ditch you, Guys would dump you, your children would kick you, but data would never chuck you,” was how we got introduced to statistics in the class.
“Flirt with data,” Prof winked and kick-started the course.
“Interpretation of quantitative and qualitative data taking a sample out of the entire population to estimate the populace involving the development of null hypothesis assuming that whatever proposed as a cause has no effect on variable being measures is statistics,” Prof prophesied in the classroom, and my first reaction on listening to this definition was a 35 second Yawn.
I looked all around, few guys and girls were busy writing the sermon in their notebooks, few confused ones were formulating the questions to hurl on the Prof, while the rest were yawning with different time durations.
Hell, I was thinking statistically seeing population as different samples!
“Now tell me, what is Statistics,” looked like Prof pointed at me. God, he was asking me only!
All I could do was to drop my head down so that he could go to the next one.
“How many daughters you have,” I wish I could ask.
“I have a question Prof,” came one hand out from the crowd.
“Yes please,” don’t know why these crazy profs get so happy on when someone expressed desire to ask question in their subjects….I mean these profs have read/learnt/eaten/mugged only one subject in their entire lives, then what’s so buzz about knowing the hell of the subject!
“Taking the null hypothesis assuming that cause has no effect on variable, isn’t it a wrong fallacy?? Infact, if we take null hypothesis on x-axis and sample data of populace on y-axis, don’t we get cause is infact changing the variable??” she asked from within her power-8 spectacles.
Another 35 seconds yawn!
Man, this was insane now!
First those incomprehensible English songs in the welcome party, and now these incomprehensible questions in the very first Stats class.
“Brilliant question!” hailed the Prof.
“Cause won’t still change the variable…because sample data of populace can’t be drawn on y-axis, because null hypothesis and x-axis don’t have a functional relation,” one guy from amidst the class tried answer that girl.
I had surrendered by now
Few colleagues were still busy taking notes in their notebooks, few colleagues were preparing their questions (weapons) to hurl on the prof, rest were all yawning at different time durations. I wished I could be one of those sparrows or pigeons whom the alum representative had scared on our welcome day, so that I could go out of this damn class to whirl free in the air with those birds.
“Excellent answer,” hailed the prof.
Now this gets helluva easy for the profs if there are two nerds in the class…One raises the question and other always has the answer ready, and all the Prof has to do is say “brilliant question” and “excellent answer”.
“That’s it for the day, come afresh tomorrow having solved all the problems given, and yes, most important, don’t forget to fill the google spreadsheet I have sent you all on forming an informal Stats club,” winked the prof and nerds nodded positively.
And I came back to the hostel dreading the days ahead in this business school…..and envied those sparrows and pigeons.
I was carrying 2 trolley bags in both my hands, one laptop bag around one shoulder, one carry bag on the other shoulder, and one last bag was proving murderous as had its string throttling my neck taking my eye marbles out, and this person was asking me was I a student! This is what happens when people go by your faces. I mean what else was I supposed to be-a coolie, a salesman, an Al Qaida terrorist or what!
“Yes, I am a new student,” I answered monotonously.
“Are you here to take a room?” came the next one.
“What the HELL,” I wanted say, but the bag throttling my throat didn’t let voice utter out. What else would one do on this odd Saturday early morning coming directly with luggage to the admin block in hostel, that too when a new session is starting!
“Yes,” was my yet another monotonous response.
“Show me printout of mail of your room allocation,” asked the Human resource head (housekeeping guy) of this hostel in an investigation mode. James Bond 007 was on job.
He wasn’t looking secret agent James Bond 007 from all angles I saw him. James Bond doesn’t have any beard or even a mouse moustache, and this guy had this entire forest grown on his face. Then James Bond doesn’t suffer from myopia or hyperopia, but this guy was sure to miss even the hottest chick in the campus without his high-powered lenses.
“Excuse me Sir! Can I see your room allocation mail proof,” confused secret agent 007 interrupted me in my thought process.
“Oh, I am so sorry! I don’t have the printout,” I replied as no such mail had ever come that we had to bring the printout of our room allocation mail with us.
“What!!! You don’t have the printout,” he shouted surprisingly as if I had just stitched the patient’s abdomen and forgotten the scissors in.
“No,” was my yet another monotonous one. Mercury was rising both in the head inside and the weather outside.
Few moments of pause, and this Barack Obama, the busiest person of the world, kept staring in some remote corner contemplating, God knows what!
“Ok, I allow you into the room, but on one condition: I have generated a google spreadsheet for people who haven’t submitted the mail printout, will send you the link to fill it up, and on your filling up the sheet, would confirm about you guys from the school admin,” he said widening his chest and laying his back on the chair, as he was doing some great favor to me providing asylum to this nomadic refugee.
“Class 2011, Tonight is the Welcome party. Just for Youuuu,” graduating batch representative almost shrieked his lungs out in the campus corridor, one hand going high in the air, other hand on the microphone, putting extra emphasis on Youuuu as if he was throwing us a party himself, being so happy seeing us all on campus.
Birds-pigeons and sparrows- going back homes after their hectic dayouts, scaringly scattered in the sky, wondering at the happiness of this school alum.
“But one thing guys!!” the alum tried creating curiosity, his mouth half-open, eyes sparkling, few moustache hair in the mouth.
“We need to estimate how much liquor to order, so I have sent you all a google spreadsheet. Please fill up the link so that we could know who all are attending the party,” came the sermon to fill yet another google spreadhsheet, while we came back to hostels waiting for evening welcome party or for free beer (to be more precise)
“Class 2011, welcome to the party, DJ vendor promulgated at the party lounge.
“Hey!! Hurray!! Hooo!!” all kinds of voices which would make even owls and bats envious echoed in the air!
Some incomprehensible English songs were being played, and everyone was trying dance hard on this English music to sound neo.
Every time there was some Hindi or Punjabi song on-play, these neophyte girls were going off the floor, waiting way back for this incomprehensible English music to commence. Alum 2010 representative was busy guzzling free beer sitting in some random corner in the lounge, while his pigeons and Sparrows were already home sleeping, notwithstanding extreme happiness of this alum.
“I can’t live without Pink Floyd! Oh my God, they are so rocking!!,” one girl just yelled sprinkling her hands as if she personally knew many of them, so can’t live without their company anymore. Anyways!
“Enrique is way better than Floyd,” another girl, 3/4th bottle of perfume, ½ lipstick, 2/3rd bottle of mascara, 2/3rd of eyeliner, sunglasses on her head (for God knows what at 11 at night), and full bottle of face powder on herself, countered. Even the owls and pigeons sleeping at their houses were sneezing smelling these acute fragrances.
Now, this is the beauty with girls. Notwithstanding they are in a fine-arts school or a business school, when girls talk to each other, they never reach this word called “consensus”. “My viewpoint is better than yours” is their approach, that’s it!
And for guys, then they have to decide whose viewpoint they agree with based on which girl they want to hang out with! And that’s why these ¾th bottle of perfume, ½ lipstick, 2/3rd bottle mascara, 2/3rd of eyeliner, and full bottle of face powder.
“But Enrique is light rock. He is no good. Floyd is hardrock,” said the first one again. How could she agree to what the other girl said..Remember the “consensus” word?
Pissed off, second girl went off the scene, and finding the Floyd girl standing alone, I sneakingly joined her.
“Hi,” I said and before she could understand a bit, I was shaking her hand. Now this is another beauty of an elite b-school. You can sureshot take the hand of any girl in your hand and rest assured you are not gonna get a permanent stamp on your cheek. You know the so-called speed-networking!
“Nice Party, but I miss Floyd here,” here’s how I started conversation and could see the missing sparkle returning in her eyes.
Man, sometimes sneaking into conversations of girls helps! And here I was, the fan of Pink Floyd who didn’t even know whether Pink Floyd is a Mexican dish or some Pizza brand.
“I can’t live without Pink Floyd! Oh my God, they are so rocking!!,” she yelled same dialogue again sprinkling her hands in air in same posture. I had hit damn at the target!
“Even I can’t live without Floyd! The day I don’t listen to them, I feel something missing…as if something is incomplete….are you understanding? I asked her, while I was wondering I could damn understand myself what did I mean!
“Yeah, I mean yes…..I can completely empathize with what you mean….I can’t even sleep without Floyd,” she replied. She was getting into subtleties of Floyd, which implied high-time I change the topic lest she should figure out the real me asking me which damn album of Floyd I like the most!
“What’s your name,” I attempted to change the topic.
“Tuple,” she said extending her right hand again.
What the HELL…Now this is my grudge with parents. What the hell they name their children just to sound unique. Now how was it supposed to be pronounced-Toopl or Toopli or Toople or Tapli or Taple or Tapl…
Apparently, I knew I won’t be able to pronounce it, so I refrained from asking how to pronounce and gratified myself with just taking her hand in my hand.
“From States?,” asked she. Who cares to ask my name!
“No, I mean no….I am…..I am from……I am from Kumaon,” damn why the hell do I come from Kumaon!
She felt nauseas! Hell she shouldn’t puke!
Right hand taken back from my right hand
“I was in Canada. I stayed there for around 2 years,” I tried do some damage-control!
Right hand back in my right hand
“So, you are a Canadian citizen,” she excitingly asked
“No,” was my monotonous reply. Jesus, this was my 2nd interview since morning when I had met the secret agent 007, and all I was doing were these monotonous responses.
I saw damn in the dark, the alum representative was busy guzzling his stock of beer. I glanced around. The other girl was busy telling someone else that Enrique is better, at a corner I could see some new admits fighting with the DJ vendor to play some comprehensible music, and somewhere alums were telling new admits they couldn’t take free beer as they hadn’t filled the google spreadsheet!
Right hand taken back from my right hand
“I am a trained classical kathak dancer,” I bragged.
Bad attempt!
“mmmm…..I play harmonium and table very well,” was yet another one.
Another bad one. She looked disgusted!
“Hey man! I gotta go,” she pretended yawn. “I am so tired, I need take some sleep…Nice meeting you…see you around, she touched my right arm one last time and left. I kept watching her putting my left hand on my right arm where she had touched me, before I came back myself to read this Pink floy in Wikipedia myself!
“Guys! Congratulations on successful completion of your 0-week orientation,” same alum representative promulgated from the dais. And as this was not open-air amphitheatre, sparrows and pigeons were fine wherever they were.
“Wish you good luck and prepare yourself well for the pre-terms and club formations,” wished the alum. I wanted wish him luck too for his job search!
Dear Friends,
As I have known after my interactions with many of you, we have so many colleagues amongst us interested to know more about crocodiles. To pursue our interest in crocodiles, I am hereby attaching a google spreadsheet. Please fill this spreadsheet with your names, species of crocodiles you know about, your face-to-face with crocodiles etc. Please fill this spreadsheet before tomorrow evening so that we could have our first informal session held.
http://spreadsheets.google.com/viewform?formkey=dGN2MXpXUXh4ZGFrZUdfdfdfrZUE6MQ
Warm regards,
P K Gire.
Class of 2011
I Received this mail on pre-eve of commencement of pre-terms. I opened the google spreadsheet, filled it and left for dinner.
Hey Girls,
We have so many clubs here in the campus, both professional and social. But there’s no club for girls interested to catch butterflies. All our childhood, we have loved butterflies, why don’t we like-minded girls come together and share our experiences/knowledge/skillset of butterflies. I have come up with this google spreadsheet, please fill this spreadsheet before this Saturday evening, so that we can have our first informal meeting of yet-to-be-formed Butterfly club in the campus.
http://spreadsheets.google.com/viewform?formkey=dGN2MXpXUXh4ZGFrZUdfdfdfrZUE6MQ
Cheers,
Pinky
Brothers,
There’s so much happening around in the campus. People are already attending informal sessions for professional clubs, social clubs and sports clubs. People have also taken initiatives to start Crocodile clubs and Butterfly clubs. But in sports, we don’t have any Kites and Marbles club. We have got clubs for all English games viz. golf, cricket, soccer, snooker, but don’t have any club for home-based games. I have attached a google spreadsheet here. Please fill this google spreadsheet and let’s have our informal session to make Kites and Marbles club a formal social club in the campus
http://spreadsheets.google.com/viewform?formkey=dGN2MXpXUXh4ZGFrZUdfdfdfrZUE6MQ
Wishes,
Rajwinder Singh
Damn, we had crocodile club, butterfly club, Kites and Marbles club, Bathing club, laundry club, Bhojpuri cinema club, 1411 Tigers club in making. Rivalry between who’s better-Tulsidas or Kalidas had led to the making of 2 more poetry clubs: Tulsidas club and Kalidas club.
Then , by now we had got informal meetings done for Capri v/s shorts club, Jeans v/s pajama club, nails cut v/s nails grown club, ghosts exist v/s ghosts-don’t-exist club, kasab from Pakistan v/s kasab not a Pakistani club, lalit modi in v/s lalit modi out club, cow milk v/s buffalo milk club, mango v/s apple club, tang v/s juice club, facebook v/s orkut club, google v/s bing club, blackberry v/s i-phone club, twitter v/s buzz club, and yes, my favorite, Floyd v/s Enrique club.
Needless to say, there were google spreadsheets for all these clubs which like-minded people had to fill in before end of some day……….and as a trained management student, I filled all of these google spreadsheets.
Floyd!! This reminded me of Tuple, whom I hadn’t seen/met for last 2 weeks now.
“Oh Hi! How’ve you been?” I encountered Tuple in one of the club meetings. I was coming out of ‘Bhojpuri Cinema club’ while she was coming from Butterfly club.
“Where are you coming from?” came a cold question. This is the first time she had met me in all these 2 weeks and all she had to ask was where was I coming from, and that too when I was out of this damn Bhojpuri Cinema club.
Jesus! There were myriad clubs in the campus, and all I could choose to go in was this Bhojpuri Cinema club! And then on top of that, I had to encounter Tuple the day I had to attend the informal meet of this Bhojpuri club.
“I…….I am……I am coming……I am coming from…,” God open the ground or split the sky, but do something before I have to utter “Bhojpuri.
“Hey Tuple! Long time,” a tall, handsome guy hugged Tuple as soon as he entered the scene. I was feeling bad on him hugging her, but don’t know why I was so happy at this intervention of God by sending him at the right time, though at the expense of him hugging my Tuple!
“Heyyyyyy!” see how enthusiastically she greeted him! I was already out of conversation, or I should say, I was already made to stand out of their conversation, and was standing there just as a mute spectator while they were busy conversing with each other.
“Where were you all these days? Have no time for friends!!” Tuple sulked to him. Her sulking reminded me of old south Indian movies where actress used to punch hero’s chest with both her hands frequently to show her sulking.
“Hey, you know I went to the city today for shopping stuff,” this guy told in his broad European accent.
“What did you buy?” Tuple quickly asked.
All these days, all she had asked me was where do I belong to and where am I coming from. She never asked me these not-so-significant questions, and here she was going all the way out to ask these t
“I bought two kinds of Papaya, two kinds of ranch sauce, one big Orange, one big apple, one box of proteins, brown wheat bread,” the guy revealed the mystery of creation of universe, in his broad European accent, making double quotes in air with fingers of both hands as he enumerated all the items he bought.
“Yayyyyyyyy!!!” Tuple shouted making fists of both her hands in air.
“How sweet! Two kinds of Papaya!! Oh my God! Yayyyy!!” Tuple was unrestrained now.
This is where smart guys earn those brownie points. Girls like listen to hunky-funky stuff, so tambola, harmonium, kathak don’t mesmerize them enough unlike box of proteins, two kinds of papaya, ranch sauce, and yes one big orange…damn it!! real-life lessons learnt at the b-school!
And as I couldn’t handle their over-the-board conversation, I left the place…Also I didn’t want Tuple to ask me again where was I coming from!
“Fall in love with Data! Data is your only friends. Girls would ditch you, Guys would dump you, your children would kick you, but data would never chuck you,” was how we got introduced to statistics in the class.
“Flirt with data,” Prof winked and kick-started the course.
“Interpretation of quantitative and qualitative data taking a sample out of the entire population to estimate the populace involving the development of null hypothesis assuming that whatever proposed as a cause has no effect on variable being measures is statistics,” Prof prophesied in the classroom, and my first reaction on listening to this definition was a 35 second Yawn.
I looked all around, few guys and girls were busy writing the sermon in their notebooks, few confused ones were formulating the questions to hurl on the Prof, while the rest were yawning with different time durations.
Hell, I was thinking statistically seeing population as different samples!
“Now tell me, what is Statistics,” looked like Prof pointed at me. God, he was asking me only!
All I could do was to drop my head down so that he could go to the next one.
“How many daughters you have,” I wish I could ask.
“I have a question Prof,” came one hand out from the crowd.
“Yes please,” don’t know why these crazy profs get so happy on when someone expressed desire to ask question in their subjects….I mean these profs have read/learnt/eaten/mugged only one subject in their entire lives, then what’s so buzz about knowing the hell of the subject!
“Taking the null hypothesis assuming that cause has no effect on variable, isn’t it a wrong fallacy?? Infact, if we take null hypothesis on x-axis and sample data of populace on y-axis, don’t we get cause is infact changing the variable??” she asked from within her power-8 spectacles.
Another 35 seconds yawn!
Man, this was insane now!
First those incomprehensible English songs in the welcome party, and now these incomprehensible questions in the very first Stats class.
“Brilliant question!” hailed the Prof.
“Cause won’t still change the variable…because sample data of populace can’t be drawn on y-axis, because null hypothesis and x-axis don’t have a functional relation,” one guy from amidst the class tried answer that girl.
I had surrendered by now
Few colleagues were still busy taking notes in their notebooks, few colleagues were preparing their questions (weapons) to hurl on the prof, rest were all yawning at different time durations. I wished I could be one of those sparrows or pigeons whom the alum representative had scared on our welcome day, so that I could go out of this damn class to whirl free in the air with those birds.
“Excellent answer,” hailed the prof.
Now this gets helluva easy for the profs if there are two nerds in the class…One raises the question and other always has the answer ready, and all the Prof has to do is say “brilliant question” and “excellent answer”.
“That’s it for the day, come afresh tomorrow having solved all the problems given, and yes, most important, don’t forget to fill the google spreadsheet I have sent you all on forming an informal Stats club,” winked the prof and nerds nodded positively.
And I came back to the hostel dreading the days ahead in this business school…..and envied those sparrows and pigeons.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Is this how a pre-school meet takes place?
This evening is our pre-school meet. If I kind of refrain from going into so many banal reasons for doing these meets such as team building (guys, you all aware could you achieve anything playing water ball in pools with your teammates in half pants), team spirit (which goes for a toss when it’s a tie for weekend support for the customer), informal communications to understand other person’s viewpoint (where after all we all are outgoing calls only with all incomings barred) etc etc etc…., then in nut-shell, you can say such kind of pre-meets are basically the platform for many to prove their mettle to rest of the batch……you know, to kinda prove to rest as to why they should be considered saviors of the world on doomsday, kind of Barack Obamas you know…..to feed us….the refugees in the asylums at Bangladeshi borders…
So here’s how pre-school meet of top-notch school commences: be it school for MS, school for MBA…..top-notch school for LLB et al….
Some guy proposes a venue for meet, ofcourse the one nearest to his place…remember, he is an admit of the top-notch school, hence a smart guy. And as girls are okay with any venue, coz they don’t have to take any bus or auto…don’t forget they are girls…hence there would surely be guys living only a few metres away from those girls (though in reality they would be few miles). Hence the venue finalizes….coz no one would object to the venue…guys won’t as they get these girls to bring to the venue on their barren bikes (barren coz these bikes haven’t had the honor to have a girl sat on them…don’t forget these are the bikes of admits of top-notch schools…ok, to be blunt, bikes of geeks and nerds….hence no girl has sat on these bikes)…..girls won’t object to the venue coz, as said earlier, they have kinda call-centre kinda pick and drops by these guys (read owners of these barren bikes)
4pm is the meet. And though it’s Saturday…a weekend…where you aren’t supposed to take bath, you have taken bath and that extra pain of shaving your beard…….now you find your best clothes……you forget for a while queen Elizabeth hasn’t chosen you for knighthood..but never mind……you apply that body odor (whose advt on television has that ticket checker (read a lady) getting drowsy on the guy applying it)……you take out your power zero specs…..which you keep reserved for such occasions…..now you are ready to start for the venue……remember you are Barack Obamas of this world……..and so you are going to the meet to make this point loud and blatant.
Venue isn’t extra decorated for your arrival. Jesus, how come these Barista people didn’t know some saviors of the world are here……to save us from doomsday….neither is queen Elizabeth there to bestow upon you knighthood…..but never mind….you would wait for rest of the team to come……so slowly the venue has started getting dense…..music in the background has automatically switched from jazz to some soap opera….no one entering the venue knows anyone else….the refugees of asylums of Bangladeshi borders would keep a low profile and stand in various corners of the venue…..they won’t talk to others…..remember they are refugees and thus mal-nutritioned……they see at each-other and then put their eyes down off-the-sight…..you know the Sita Mayyias of Ramanand Sagar’s ramayan………..talking to a stranger is barred for them by our Vedas you know……so they are still standing in various corners of the Barista day……now is the time for entry of these knights…….beaming faces with those extra-facials, hair right in the place they should be……zero powered specs on they eyes, the saviors enter the scene……..now these barack obamas go to all the corners….collecting the refugees and gather them all in the centre of the venue.
Next is the action-power round….now you are barack Obama…you have gathered them all….so obviously you start…you shake hand with them…..every time you shake hand with someone, you make sure you pronounce your name slow and loud…..and wait a few seconds for the reaction….you are kinda sure you are known everywhere……you are just waiting for the exclamation where the other person would just scream and say ‘oh, youuuuuuuuuu’……but it doesn’t happen….you kinda get surprised..lil shocked also…but never mind….you shake hand wit the next refugee….you make sure you say your name even louder and clearer…you also make extra sure you say your nickname also….the nickname you use for your email communications with them in those google groups and facebooks…….same response…..refugee doesn’t scream and no ‘oh, youuuuuuuuuuu’……you are kinda getting pissed off……..you are barack Obama, and these are the refugees of the asylums of Bangladeshi borders….how the hell they don’t recognize you..the knights of United Kingdoms…the saviors of the world……..you are kind of dejected….so you are introducing yourself to the last refugee…..you tell your name with equal vigor and energy…same tone, same volume and same clarity…..and response comes ‘oh, youuuuuuuuuu’……chest widening….face beaming back reflecting those facials…which were otherwise going futile…….You hug that refugee…….you remember his name……you stand next to him…..now you make sure you affirm what all he says…..you make sure he gets the best sofa to sit…..next to you…….after all, he is your die-hard fan……….and finally you settle down on chairs and sofas on the venue…..the guy who proposed the venue has yet to turn up.
Barren bike is yet on the way…….biker is as happy as the bike is….and girl is as happy as both biker and bike are…after all she has pick and drop man…kinda win-win you know……..today traffic is also relatively more……bike is extremely happy…..and biker is kinda showing concern cursing traffic that they are getting late……and kinda getting happy internally thanking traffic…..for these jams…remember, he’s a nerd…a geek…who doesn’t get to have girls sit on his bikes any often……finally, cursing, thanking…..they reach the venue.
Obamas are busy telling these refugees on what all they have already done to change the world……how they are better in music than rahman, in cricket than Sachin, and in economics than Amartaya sen…refugees are obliged meeting these saviors…super geniuses….and in between they are gazing at the café day counter…..remember they are mal-nutritioned and need grab those few bytes and sips…..
Owner of barren bikes and the girls have entered the venue….Guys are busy parking their vehicles outside, whereas girls have kinda disowned these guys…and already entered the venue…..so first Obama stands up to take the lead…..he extends his hand and do the same name pronouncing ceremony….louder and blatant….no ‘oh youuuuuuu’……he sits down…next Obama…..next Obama…..refugee 1…….refugee 2……intro done…..girl settles down…..owner of barren bike enters the scene…….gets to find place far away from that girl…….settles down…..looks at the girl….girl is busy talking to these knights and refugees….no eye-contact with driver of her pick-and-drop cab...barren bike is standing helpless again in scorching heat outside the venue
So everyone is at the venue now…..all girls, guys have reached…..the guy who proposed the venue has already reached the venue…..The Barack Obama whom one refugee had recognized as ‘oh youuuu’ is still taking that extra care of this mal-nutritioned refugee.
Remember…you are the barack Obama…so you are supposed to bang the NASDAQ bell to start the pre school meet….so you take the lead….you randomly choose a guy asking him to start with his introduction…..excitingly, that guy is also no less than savior of the world…so here’s how it goes:
Hello Friends, so I guess most of you already know me…most of them just wonder looking at each other…notwithstanding, he continues…..so friends, I am the Deputy General Manager of Bedi & Bedi….I guess most of you already know it…another round of wonder…everyone looking at each other….notwithstanding, he continues…..though I am deputy GM, I take care of responsibilities of general manager also…Why? no mention…. what the hell this GM is doing …..has his wife run away with his driver…..or has he run with his wife’s maid……that this Obama is taking care of GM’s responsibilities………he continues…….I brought 6 new clients to my company…..I delivered 4 challenging client assignments on time….I saved $6 mn of my company optimizing costs…I started Eco club in my company…..I recruited 40 new employees for my organization…I set up the vertical for corporate finance in my company….I captain Rugby team of my company…….I represent my company at Pragati Maidan, Delhi……I setup an NGO for women empowerment with financial support from my company…..I setup BPO operations for my international clients in my company…..Refugees in full awe, jaws open…..but don’t forget…..there are other obamas too…..so one Obama speaks up-how could you manage to do all this man?..... I drive my passion from this work man…..I am a multi-dimensional person….I love to deliver best and in-time…I just love my work so much….Then why you want to do an MS man?? One asked…….Man, actually I am bored of work..tht’s why…Yeah right!
So the Obama who had banged the NASDAQ bell is back in action….when the Deputy General Manager was speaking, he was busy in back of his mind comparing himself with that DGM…..and proving on every point to himself how he’s better than this DGM…..and as DGM is finished with his intro, and as this main Obama has told himself making a point-to-point comparison with DGM that he himself is the best, he is assuaged, hence back to his best again……ready to randomly pick someone else for intro……Girl is still busy talking to knights and obamas in her vicinity…her driver, sitting remotely, is solacing himself watching Television on the wall screen some 10 feet away….watching advt of Pulsar bike on MTV, his barren Pulsar bike still stood intact under scorching heat in the parking lot.
4-5 introductions have already happened……It’s a big team of around 20…….hence sitting on remote ends can’t hear each other…..so they are kinda making small groups in their vicinity and talking their own local stuff……..like in an island….far away from what’s happening in the capital of the country…which is far on right end…where main Obama and DGM are sitting…..so discussion happening on this remote end island is like this:
So, watched My name is khan? yes, says the other person from this island….junk movie, proclaims the first one…..it was okay, third person jumps in the discussion…this is the same guy who was watching pulsar advt on television, after being dumped by his co-passenger on the bike……what’s going on….I can’t hear anything, complains the second person……why you want to hit your head…..take it easy man….advises the first person……this is not the way meets take place, third one hits back….after all he is pissed off his co-passenger is not even looking at him…..being sitted on the other island………
2-3 introductions of okay-okay looking girls also happened….but people sitting in their islands din’t bother enough…..and now this main girl….the prettiest of the all had his turn……main Obama pointed his directive finger at her to start……islands signed the treaty and joined the government of main country……..no more My name is Khans….no more local dialects…..all focused on this girl……and this girl starts:
Well, I don’t know…I mean…I think……..you know…….and all guys, esp obamas, nodding their heads up and down understanding what all this girl is saying…..refugees are busy figuring out what the hell this means what this girl is uttering out…then they see these obamas nodding their heads………they surprised why they can’t understand anything out of it……then they remember they are mal-nutritioned…….so sit back normal to pay attention to this wisest-than-thou oracle……..and heres the girl continues:
Hahaa….and she starts giggling…Obamas follow path…..refugees confused…Pulsar advt is back on the television…….but this driver doesn’t see there…he wants to listen to what this prettiest than all has to say…..infact, everyone wants to listen to what she has to say….it’s pin-drop silence….nagasaki and Hiroshima have been demolished…and there’s complete muteness now..and the girl continues:
I have always wanted to….you know…..shrugging her shoulders…..now hand on her fringe sliding down the hair…fringe put back behind the ear…t-shirt pulled down to stretch it even more…….then sip of her lemon tea…..then another sip……then giggle……saying why you all looking at me…it makes me nervous…..then final giggle……and intro over…main Obama, other obamas and DGMs appreciating her intro…….refugees cursing their governments for mal-nutrition and lack of proteins for their brain development….that couldn’t understand an iota…..
New guest comes in…everyone hasn’t joined yet….it’s already 5, an hour late than set….he comes, joins, sits and keeps sitted……main Obama hasn’t bothered to ask his name or introduce him……as soon as he settles, a girl also joins in…..it’s 5:05pm…..main obama is back in action…tables, chairs and sofas are being adjusted and aligned….to make space for her to sit comfortably………….she waves ‘hi’ hand to main Obama, one girl, second girl, third girl…….then sits and settles down……..refugees solacing themselves…….DGM thinking in mind I am the DGM in my company…handling GM responsibilities…I…….I……….I……….I
Now other obamas feel they should also get into action…..they get hyper-active for some time……..talk to people near them…..hurl poor jokes even when not needed……..try speak extra loud so that they are properly heard in the entire herd……..repeatedly ask names of people sitting in remote islands….remember country is divided into islands as soon as wisest-than-all prettiest girl has finished her enlightening speech……..then after 4-5 minutes of hyper-activism, all these obamas go into dormant state turn-by-turn.
Now 2 refugees get up and decide to go to their asylums….they have some work to do…some appointment might be…..world bank is sending some flour or pulses……or they have some other work….but they leave…….1 or 2 girls also stand up to go……..looking at their drivers…..drivers are back to their vintage facial faces…….barren pulsars are beaming too.
Now, only 7-8 people are left…It’s 6 pm, and most people have left….
I am the state chess player, main Obama says
I don’t like chess..it’s too indoor….I am the company captain of Football team, other Obama states
I started chess club and football club in my company, DGM pronounced..It’s not yet clear whether GMs wife ran away with driver or GM ran away with wife’s maid
I am the state bhangra team captain, main Obama says
I don’t like bhangra…it’s too folk…I am the Salsa guy, other Obama states
I started Bhangra club and Salsa group in my company, DGM pronounced….he loves his job but wants leave for MS because his job is boring...yeah right!
So, two obamas are off the scene………main Obama stays back..2 refugees and one driver-co passenger couple are still there…..Barack Obama is there on newspaper in Barista day…that page proclaims Obama popularity 52% down from during his 2008 elections….
Main Obama, probably after reading this news, goes off-the scene…….one refugee takes immigration with this Obama in his car……the driver, co passenger and barren bike go off the scene….
Last refugee is walking down alone…thinking what was this all…..why we came there….what all we did….what point did we want make…..was this meet to know each others’ achievements, profiles or designations? Had we gathered to showcase or expose some kinda strengths like in Mahabharata era, where warriors used to gather (kind of Olympics of those times) to showcase their competencies?
Last refugee is thinking hadn’t we gathered to become friends? To know each other more as humans….to establish that eternal bondage and to take a first step towards that…….Refugee is confused…Refugee is probably confused because refugee is a refugee and hence mal-nutritioned!
So here’s how pre-school meet of top-notch school commences: be it school for MS, school for MBA…..top-notch school for LLB et al….
Some guy proposes a venue for meet, ofcourse the one nearest to his place…remember, he is an admit of the top-notch school, hence a smart guy. And as girls are okay with any venue, coz they don’t have to take any bus or auto…don’t forget they are girls…hence there would surely be guys living only a few metres away from those girls (though in reality they would be few miles). Hence the venue finalizes….coz no one would object to the venue…guys won’t as they get these girls to bring to the venue on their barren bikes (barren coz these bikes haven’t had the honor to have a girl sat on them…don’t forget these are the bikes of admits of top-notch schools…ok, to be blunt, bikes of geeks and nerds….hence no girl has sat on these bikes)…..girls won’t object to the venue coz, as said earlier, they have kinda call-centre kinda pick and drops by these guys (read owners of these barren bikes)
4pm is the meet. And though it’s Saturday…a weekend…where you aren’t supposed to take bath, you have taken bath and that extra pain of shaving your beard…….now you find your best clothes……you forget for a while queen Elizabeth hasn’t chosen you for knighthood..but never mind……you apply that body odor (whose advt on television has that ticket checker (read a lady) getting drowsy on the guy applying it)……you take out your power zero specs…..which you keep reserved for such occasions…..now you are ready to start for the venue……remember you are Barack Obamas of this world……..and so you are going to the meet to make this point loud and blatant.
Venue isn’t extra decorated for your arrival. Jesus, how come these Barista people didn’t know some saviors of the world are here……to save us from doomsday….neither is queen Elizabeth there to bestow upon you knighthood…..but never mind….you would wait for rest of the team to come……so slowly the venue has started getting dense…..music in the background has automatically switched from jazz to some soap opera….no one entering the venue knows anyone else….the refugees of asylums of Bangladeshi borders would keep a low profile and stand in various corners of the venue…..they won’t talk to others…..remember they are refugees and thus mal-nutritioned……they see at each-other and then put their eyes down off-the-sight…..you know the Sita Mayyias of Ramanand Sagar’s ramayan………..talking to a stranger is barred for them by our Vedas you know……so they are still standing in various corners of the Barista day……now is the time for entry of these knights…….beaming faces with those extra-facials, hair right in the place they should be……zero powered specs on they eyes, the saviors enter the scene……..now these barack obamas go to all the corners….collecting the refugees and gather them all in the centre of the venue.
Next is the action-power round….now you are barack Obama…you have gathered them all….so obviously you start…you shake hand with them…..every time you shake hand with someone, you make sure you pronounce your name slow and loud…..and wait a few seconds for the reaction….you are kinda sure you are known everywhere……you are just waiting for the exclamation where the other person would just scream and say ‘oh, youuuuuuuuuu’……but it doesn’t happen….you kinda get surprised..lil shocked also…but never mind….you shake hand wit the next refugee….you make sure you say your name even louder and clearer…you also make extra sure you say your nickname also….the nickname you use for your email communications with them in those google groups and facebooks…….same response…..refugee doesn’t scream and no ‘oh, youuuuuuuuuuu’……you are kinda getting pissed off……..you are barack Obama, and these are the refugees of the asylums of Bangladeshi borders….how the hell they don’t recognize you..the knights of United Kingdoms…the saviors of the world……..you are kind of dejected….so you are introducing yourself to the last refugee…..you tell your name with equal vigor and energy…same tone, same volume and same clarity…..and response comes ‘oh, youuuuuuuuuu’……chest widening….face beaming back reflecting those facials…which were otherwise going futile…….You hug that refugee…….you remember his name……you stand next to him…..now you make sure you affirm what all he says…..you make sure he gets the best sofa to sit…..next to you…….after all, he is your die-hard fan……….and finally you settle down on chairs and sofas on the venue…..the guy who proposed the venue has yet to turn up.
Barren bike is yet on the way…….biker is as happy as the bike is….and girl is as happy as both biker and bike are…after all she has pick and drop man…kinda win-win you know……..today traffic is also relatively more……bike is extremely happy…..and biker is kinda showing concern cursing traffic that they are getting late……and kinda getting happy internally thanking traffic…..for these jams…remember, he’s a nerd…a geek…who doesn’t get to have girls sit on his bikes any often……finally, cursing, thanking…..they reach the venue.
Obamas are busy telling these refugees on what all they have already done to change the world……how they are better in music than rahman, in cricket than Sachin, and in economics than Amartaya sen…refugees are obliged meeting these saviors…super geniuses….and in between they are gazing at the café day counter…..remember they are mal-nutritioned and need grab those few bytes and sips…..
Owner of barren bikes and the girls have entered the venue….Guys are busy parking their vehicles outside, whereas girls have kinda disowned these guys…and already entered the venue…..so first Obama stands up to take the lead…..he extends his hand and do the same name pronouncing ceremony….louder and blatant….no ‘oh youuuuuuu’……he sits down…next Obama…..next Obama…..refugee 1…….refugee 2……intro done…..girl settles down…..owner of barren bike enters the scene…….gets to find place far away from that girl…….settles down…..looks at the girl….girl is busy talking to these knights and refugees….no eye-contact with driver of her pick-and-drop cab...barren bike is standing helpless again in scorching heat outside the venue
So everyone is at the venue now…..all girls, guys have reached…..the guy who proposed the venue has already reached the venue…..The Barack Obama whom one refugee had recognized as ‘oh youuuu’ is still taking that extra care of this mal-nutritioned refugee.
Remember…you are the barack Obama…so you are supposed to bang the NASDAQ bell to start the pre school meet….so you take the lead….you randomly choose a guy asking him to start with his introduction…..excitingly, that guy is also no less than savior of the world…so here’s how it goes:
Hello Friends, so I guess most of you already know me…most of them just wonder looking at each other…notwithstanding, he continues…..so friends, I am the Deputy General Manager of Bedi & Bedi….I guess most of you already know it…another round of wonder…everyone looking at each other….notwithstanding, he continues…..though I am deputy GM, I take care of responsibilities of general manager also…Why? no mention…. what the hell this GM is doing …..has his wife run away with his driver…..or has he run with his wife’s maid……that this Obama is taking care of GM’s responsibilities………he continues…….I brought 6 new clients to my company…..I delivered 4 challenging client assignments on time….I saved $6 mn of my company optimizing costs…I started Eco club in my company…..I recruited 40 new employees for my organization…I set up the vertical for corporate finance in my company….I captain Rugby team of my company…….I represent my company at Pragati Maidan, Delhi……I setup an NGO for women empowerment with financial support from my company…..I setup BPO operations for my international clients in my company…..Refugees in full awe, jaws open…..but don’t forget…..there are other obamas too…..so one Obama speaks up-how could you manage to do all this man?..... I drive my passion from this work man…..I am a multi-dimensional person….I love to deliver best and in-time…I just love my work so much….Then why you want to do an MS man?? One asked…….Man, actually I am bored of work..tht’s why…Yeah right!
So the Obama who had banged the NASDAQ bell is back in action….when the Deputy General Manager was speaking, he was busy in back of his mind comparing himself with that DGM…..and proving on every point to himself how he’s better than this DGM…..and as DGM is finished with his intro, and as this main Obama has told himself making a point-to-point comparison with DGM that he himself is the best, he is assuaged, hence back to his best again……ready to randomly pick someone else for intro……Girl is still busy talking to knights and obamas in her vicinity…her driver, sitting remotely, is solacing himself watching Television on the wall screen some 10 feet away….watching advt of Pulsar bike on MTV, his barren Pulsar bike still stood intact under scorching heat in the parking lot.
4-5 introductions have already happened……It’s a big team of around 20…….hence sitting on remote ends can’t hear each other…..so they are kinda making small groups in their vicinity and talking their own local stuff……..like in an island….far away from what’s happening in the capital of the country…which is far on right end…where main Obama and DGM are sitting…..so discussion happening on this remote end island is like this:
So, watched My name is khan? yes, says the other person from this island….junk movie, proclaims the first one…..it was okay, third person jumps in the discussion…this is the same guy who was watching pulsar advt on television, after being dumped by his co-passenger on the bike……what’s going on….I can’t hear anything, complains the second person……why you want to hit your head…..take it easy man….advises the first person……this is not the way meets take place, third one hits back….after all he is pissed off his co-passenger is not even looking at him…..being sitted on the other island………
2-3 introductions of okay-okay looking girls also happened….but people sitting in their islands din’t bother enough…..and now this main girl….the prettiest of the all had his turn……main Obama pointed his directive finger at her to start……islands signed the treaty and joined the government of main country……..no more My name is Khans….no more local dialects…..all focused on this girl……and this girl starts:
Well, I don’t know…I mean…I think……..you know…….and all guys, esp obamas, nodding their heads up and down understanding what all this girl is saying…..refugees are busy figuring out what the hell this means what this girl is uttering out…then they see these obamas nodding their heads………they surprised why they can’t understand anything out of it……then they remember they are mal-nutritioned…….so sit back normal to pay attention to this wisest-than-thou oracle……..and heres the girl continues:
Hahaa….and she starts giggling…Obamas follow path…..refugees confused…Pulsar advt is back on the television…….but this driver doesn’t see there…he wants to listen to what this prettiest than all has to say…..infact, everyone wants to listen to what she has to say….it’s pin-drop silence….nagasaki and Hiroshima have been demolished…and there’s complete muteness now..and the girl continues:
I have always wanted to….you know…..shrugging her shoulders…..now hand on her fringe sliding down the hair…fringe put back behind the ear…t-shirt pulled down to stretch it even more…….then sip of her lemon tea…..then another sip……then giggle……saying why you all looking at me…it makes me nervous…..then final giggle……and intro over…main Obama, other obamas and DGMs appreciating her intro…….refugees cursing their governments for mal-nutrition and lack of proteins for their brain development….that couldn’t understand an iota…..
New guest comes in…everyone hasn’t joined yet….it’s already 5, an hour late than set….he comes, joins, sits and keeps sitted……main Obama hasn’t bothered to ask his name or introduce him……as soon as he settles, a girl also joins in…..it’s 5:05pm…..main obama is back in action…tables, chairs and sofas are being adjusted and aligned….to make space for her to sit comfortably………….she waves ‘hi’ hand to main Obama, one girl, second girl, third girl…….then sits and settles down……..refugees solacing themselves…….DGM thinking in mind I am the DGM in my company…handling GM responsibilities…I…….I……….I……….I
Now other obamas feel they should also get into action…..they get hyper-active for some time……..talk to people near them…..hurl poor jokes even when not needed……..try speak extra loud so that they are properly heard in the entire herd……..repeatedly ask names of people sitting in remote islands….remember country is divided into islands as soon as wisest-than-all prettiest girl has finished her enlightening speech……..then after 4-5 minutes of hyper-activism, all these obamas go into dormant state turn-by-turn.
Now 2 refugees get up and decide to go to their asylums….they have some work to do…some appointment might be…..world bank is sending some flour or pulses……or they have some other work….but they leave…….1 or 2 girls also stand up to go……..looking at their drivers…..drivers are back to their vintage facial faces…….barren pulsars are beaming too.
Now, only 7-8 people are left…It’s 6 pm, and most people have left….
I am the state chess player, main Obama says
I don’t like chess..it’s too indoor….I am the company captain of Football team, other Obama states
I started chess club and football club in my company, DGM pronounced..It’s not yet clear whether GMs wife ran away with driver or GM ran away with wife’s maid
I am the state bhangra team captain, main Obama says
I don’t like bhangra…it’s too folk…I am the Salsa guy, other Obama states
I started Bhangra club and Salsa group in my company, DGM pronounced….he loves his job but wants leave for MS because his job is boring...yeah right!
So, two obamas are off the scene………main Obama stays back..2 refugees and one driver-co passenger couple are still there…..Barack Obama is there on newspaper in Barista day…that page proclaims Obama popularity 52% down from during his 2008 elections….
Main Obama, probably after reading this news, goes off-the scene…….one refugee takes immigration with this Obama in his car……the driver, co passenger and barren bike go off the scene….
Last refugee is walking down alone…thinking what was this all…..why we came there….what all we did….what point did we want make…..was this meet to know each others’ achievements, profiles or designations? Had we gathered to showcase or expose some kinda strengths like in Mahabharata era, where warriors used to gather (kind of Olympics of those times) to showcase their competencies?
Last refugee is thinking hadn’t we gathered to become friends? To know each other more as humans….to establish that eternal bondage and to take a first step towards that…….Refugee is confused…Refugee is probably confused because refugee is a refugee and hence mal-nutritioned!
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