“Want to join in for Golkunda this evening?” I asked Tuple (or Toopl or Toopli or Tapli or God knows what) outside cafeteria as soon as we met after the final exams ended. Even today I don’t know how to pronounce her name!
“Would it be a buffet or A la carte?” goddess of general knowledge asked combing her silky hair with her hands. If Tuple were not in this school, she would be playing daughter role in Clinic Plus shampoo ad! Her butterfly clip was keeping her hair tight in otherwise windy weather.
“A whaat?” if I were a heart patient, surprise (or shock, I should say) of this reply would have finished my inventory on earth and sent me to finished goods (funeral to say!)
“And would I find vegetarian food there?” Tuple was at the best of her forms.
I think there’s some connection between her butterfly clip and her IQ levels.
“Tuple, Golkunda is not a restaurant, it’s a fort, a historical fort,” I furiously replied.
Tuple gave me an angry-look as if I had asked her real age, said No to Golkunda offer brutally, and went off the scene…
********************************************************
“you shout a word here and person standing even 360 stairs up at height of 450 feet can hear your word,” guide enthusiastically narrated as if he himself was the architect of this Golkunda that he is so proud of!
“Sir, you stand here, one of my persons at 450 feet high would hear you and tell me on mobile what you said,” guide was high after two quarters.
“Toopli,” I said the first word
“Tapli,” second
“Tapoli,” third
“Tapeli,” fourth
“Toople,” fifth
I was kind of taking revenge from Tuple for not accompanying me for Golkunda by shrieking every single permutation of her name.
“Teepli,” sixth…I was feeling so happy!
Guide gave me a strange look seeing me screaming these strange names, like wondering whether I am a real tourist or an evader from some special kind of hospital where everyone thinks he is either Akbar or Tansen or Tuglak or Obama!!!
“Tell me what sir is saying,” confused guide called his person standing 450 feet high. Guide was sweating and kick of his two quarters had eloped!
“Abey, kahaan se pakad ke layaa hai iss pagal ko,” person standing on some isolated hill at 450 feet height screamed at my guide. I could listen to it through speaker of my guide’s mobile.
“Go to hell,” person shouted at my guide and disconnected the phone.
Guide gave me the same strange look again and ran away from me at fastest speed he could.
I shouted Toopli Toopli Toopli three more times and came back from Golkunda Fort!
***********************************************************************
“Hey, how was your Golkunda Fort,” Tuple asked emphasizing on “Fort” when met me at late-night beer party.
“It was good…. Yes, it was good…very good,” I said remembering the guide who ran away scared of me!!!
“Hey, my roommate told me you say something there at ground and people can listen to it even far away at huge height. Did you try that??” Tuple asked me.
“I….try…Did I try….no…I mean yes…” was my response. I was sweating on this windy chilled weather.
“What did you say?” Tuple asked me. Same mode-her hand on my arm and she jumping while asking the question!
“I…I…I said…..I said...I said-Andaman…Andaman…I said Andaman,” I was huffing and puffing. Why the hell is this question so important that what I screamed there!!!
Tuple gave a weird look, hand off my arm and she went off the scene…
Before she left, I wish I could free her hair off her butterfly clip to let them fly around like ocean waves in all directions possible in this very romantic late evening. Evenings are anyways romantic when Tuple’s around!!!
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Story by Clock of one of our Lecture Halls
I am the most crucial and most loved (most hated at times) item of your lecture hall. Many of you look at me in a 2 hour lecture more than you do to your girlfriend in 2 weeks or even 2 months. I am the bane of lives of many of you during the lectures; I am the clock of your class.
Let me walk you through my observations in a typical 2 hour morning class in my lecture Hall:
As soon as its 8:05 or 8:10am, one gloomy faced person enters the scene (read lecture hall). His gloomy face indicates as if his family doctor has advised him against laughing and like he hasn’t kind of laughed for decades.
Lecture Hall is empty and first interaction he does is with me, giving me one of his typical melancholic looks waiting for me to hit 8:15 so that students join in the class.
I smirk at his hope well aware nothing is gonna happen at 8:15!!!
I hit 8:15 and few guys start settling in. These are the most obedient, compliant and dutiful pupil of the school. I call them Confucius (great scholars). These pupils are like they have never done anything wrong in their lives. They sleep in time, get up at fixed time, and sleep standard number of hours. Damn, they don’t even need me (alarm clock) to get up in the morning! They take bang 7 minutes for breakfast, 9 minutes for lunch and 8.5 minutes for dinner.
Everything is just perfect with them-Their heart beats exactly 72 times a minute, eat just right number of calories, and drink tea/coffee in standard 1.5 minutes. Their hair are doped with two palms mustard oil, every single hair at the right place, powered spectacles, all notes of previous lectures in their bag et al. Their bulky bags suggest they have kind of packed every single book/notebook from their rooms before coming to this lecture hall!
The gloomy-faced gives me yet another melancholic look seeing damn 10 students in the class of 70. I feel like guffawing, but his somber face stops me!
I hit 8:20, these Confucius have taken their hand outs for the day and finished half of the slides.
Gloomy person stares at me and gives a dirty “angry-man” look, like he would just jump down from this 2nd floor. Its 8:23 and now the Normal pupils start accumulating in the lecture hall. I call them Confused (normal human beings).
There’s a stark contrast between these Confucius and Confused.
Confused have like kind of determined congenitally that they won’t give me a damn. They never sleep in time and can’t even imagine waking up for morning lecture without me. And then keep begging me for every extra 5 minutes of sleep. I feel like not ringing for them after those 5 minutes, but reminiscing soap-operas of gloomy-faced for coming late in the lecture hall; I somehow wake them up to send them to the lecture hall.
Soap Opera king, our gloomy-faced, now opens his blazer, which only he knows why he was wearing at first place, to start his lecture! He starts his lecture and so start these Confused- glancing at me surreptitiously every minute waiting for lecture to be over! God, these Confused could wait at least few minutes.
“I won’t tolerate any indiscipline in the class. I won’t allow anyone to come late in the class. I won’t let anyone coming late sit in for the class quiz. I won’t give CP marks to those arriving late in the class. I won’t do this. I won’t do that. I won’t do these. I won’t do those…,” gloomy-faced goes on and on and on. I curse myself for these admonishings to Confused by this melancholic. I wish I could come down the wall and stuff his hanging tie in his mouth.
I look at one guy sitting just under me, 5 minutes through the lecture and he takes his first 35 second yawn, then starts the second guy, and then the third. Yawn is very contagious! Two guys at the end of row have already eloped in their nap. Who cares to listen to this daily sulking of the Prof!
“Optimization, by definition, is solving problems which seek to maximize or minimize real or virtual functions by systematically choosing real or integer variables from within allowed sets to formulate scalar real-valued objective functions, then formulating linear programming using solver complying with optimization theory and techniques is Optimization. A very powerful and efficient tool to do optimization,” gloomy-faced gave this sermon, like was kind of taking revenge from Confused for coming late.
Most Confused have eloped into their naps, rest were just glancing at me surreptitiously, like begging me to run fast. Gloomy-faced, on the other hand, was smirking devilishly knowing I was helpless. I wish I could just hit 10:15 directly from 8:25.
Its 10:15 now, struggle of Confused for this lecture is over, they are walking to achieve yet another “Mission impossible” starting at 10:45, while I am to face the same situation half an hour down the line with other Confucius and Confused groups. I feel like free-riding from my duty, I don’t want to witness those 2 hour traumas of my friends-these Confused. I don’t want to be the clock. I don’t want to be the clock!
Let me walk you through my observations in a typical 2 hour morning class in my lecture Hall:
As soon as its 8:05 or 8:10am, one gloomy faced person enters the scene (read lecture hall). His gloomy face indicates as if his family doctor has advised him against laughing and like he hasn’t kind of laughed for decades.
Lecture Hall is empty and first interaction he does is with me, giving me one of his typical melancholic looks waiting for me to hit 8:15 so that students join in the class.
I smirk at his hope well aware nothing is gonna happen at 8:15!!!
I hit 8:15 and few guys start settling in. These are the most obedient, compliant and dutiful pupil of the school. I call them Confucius (great scholars). These pupils are like they have never done anything wrong in their lives. They sleep in time, get up at fixed time, and sleep standard number of hours. Damn, they don’t even need me (alarm clock) to get up in the morning! They take bang 7 minutes for breakfast, 9 minutes for lunch and 8.5 minutes for dinner.
Everything is just perfect with them-Their heart beats exactly 72 times a minute, eat just right number of calories, and drink tea/coffee in standard 1.5 minutes. Their hair are doped with two palms mustard oil, every single hair at the right place, powered spectacles, all notes of previous lectures in their bag et al. Their bulky bags suggest they have kind of packed every single book/notebook from their rooms before coming to this lecture hall!
The gloomy-faced gives me yet another melancholic look seeing damn 10 students in the class of 70. I feel like guffawing, but his somber face stops me!
I hit 8:20, these Confucius have taken their hand outs for the day and finished half of the slides.
Gloomy person stares at me and gives a dirty “angry-man” look, like he would just jump down from this 2nd floor. Its 8:23 and now the Normal pupils start accumulating in the lecture hall. I call them Confused (normal human beings).
There’s a stark contrast between these Confucius and Confused.
Confused have like kind of determined congenitally that they won’t give me a damn. They never sleep in time and can’t even imagine waking up for morning lecture without me. And then keep begging me for every extra 5 minutes of sleep. I feel like not ringing for them after those 5 minutes, but reminiscing soap-operas of gloomy-faced for coming late in the lecture hall; I somehow wake them up to send them to the lecture hall.
Soap Opera king, our gloomy-faced, now opens his blazer, which only he knows why he was wearing at first place, to start his lecture! He starts his lecture and so start these Confused- glancing at me surreptitiously every minute waiting for lecture to be over! God, these Confused could wait at least few minutes.
“I won’t tolerate any indiscipline in the class. I won’t allow anyone to come late in the class. I won’t let anyone coming late sit in for the class quiz. I won’t give CP marks to those arriving late in the class. I won’t do this. I won’t do that. I won’t do these. I won’t do those…,” gloomy-faced goes on and on and on. I curse myself for these admonishings to Confused by this melancholic. I wish I could come down the wall and stuff his hanging tie in his mouth.
I look at one guy sitting just under me, 5 minutes through the lecture and he takes his first 35 second yawn, then starts the second guy, and then the third. Yawn is very contagious! Two guys at the end of row have already eloped in their nap. Who cares to listen to this daily sulking of the Prof!
“Optimization, by definition, is solving problems which seek to maximize or minimize real or virtual functions by systematically choosing real or integer variables from within allowed sets to formulate scalar real-valued objective functions, then formulating linear programming using solver complying with optimization theory and techniques is Optimization. A very powerful and efficient tool to do optimization,” gloomy-faced gave this sermon, like was kind of taking revenge from Confused for coming late.
Most Confused have eloped into their naps, rest were just glancing at me surreptitiously, like begging me to run fast. Gloomy-faced, on the other hand, was smirking devilishly knowing I was helpless. I wish I could just hit 10:15 directly from 8:25.
Its 10:15 now, struggle of Confused for this lecture is over, they are walking to achieve yet another “Mission impossible” starting at 10:45, while I am to face the same situation half an hour down the line with other Confucius and Confused groups. I feel like free-riding from my duty, I don’t want to witness those 2 hour traumas of my friends-these Confused. I don’t want to be the clock. I don’t want to be the clock!
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